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Rumination is probably the most common type of OCD compulsion, but I rarely see anyone talking about it. I've talked to multiple people diagnosed with OCD who didn't even recognize it as a compulsion.

Basically, if you have OCD you have terrible intrusive thoughts. They can be about anything, but common themes are fear of being a bad person, fear of hurting someone, fear of contamination. etc.

Rumination is when you get stuck in a spiral. Rumination is when you spend hours catastrophizing, overthinking, analyzing, telling yourself it's going to be okay.

I'll say it again:

Rumination is a compulsion.

Rumination is a compulsion, and that means you have to stop doing it.

I did ERP (exposure response prevention) for my OCD with a therapist! For 9 months! And it did help, but the idea didn't really click until I found this website a couple years later.

And Oh My God. It made things make so much more sense, and I was able to pull myself out of an episode even though I wasn't in therapy or on meds at the time.

Genuinely if you have OCD, or even if you suspect you have OCD, I'm begging you to read some of these articles.

Like this was genuinely life changing for me.

Here are some of the ones that were most helpful to me:

Defining Rumination

How to Stop Ruminating

ERP Exercises for Compulsive Rumination

I made a new post on my other blog (it’s outside of tumblr and it’s where I write longer posts but the themes are similar to this blog. I will continue to post here, but shorter posts)

To recover, you literally need to manually learn skills that most people learn as a toddler

You need to learn what makes your body uncomfortable, and what to do to fix it

If you are high-masking, that usually means that you have learned to ignore every distress signal your body sends unless it is a distress signal that a neurotypical person would recognize. People have likely been unintentionally gaslighting you about your lived experience your entire life

If you feel bad or panicked for no reason, stop and try to pay attention to your body. Are you tense? You are likely feeling physical pain somewhere. If you've been gaslit about your pain your entire life, you might not be able to identify it.

Go through a sensory checklist.

SIGHT: Try closing and covering your eyes. If this gives you relief, the lights are probably too bright. You may also need differently-colored lights

SOUND: Cover your ears. Does this give you relief? If so, you may need earplugs or noise canceling headphones. You may also benefit from a neutral or pleasant background noise, like soft music or brown noise.

TOUCH: Are your clothes uncomfortable? Your chair? Your body? Do you feel greasy, like you need a shower? Do you need softer, sensory-friendly clothing?

TASTE: Do you need to brush your teeth or tongue? Would chewing on something help?

SMELL: Is there a strong or unpleasant smell in the room? Do you need to clean or empty a trash can? Would an air purifier help? Would a pleasant smell like a candle help?

INTEROCEPTION: Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? How is your posture? Are any of your muscles tight or sore? Scan your body slowly from head to feet, tensing and loosening each group of muscles. Going for a walk or doing a series of quick stretches may help a lot.

Learning how to do this stuff is not intuitive, if you've had an entire lifetime of gaslighting telling you that everything hurting you isn't a big deal and you're being dramatic over nothing.

This takes time, it takes work, it's not intuitive, and it's hard. Most people forget how hard it is, because they learned this as toddlers.

You pause before reacting, even if it’s just for a second.

You notice your thoughts instead of immediately believing all of them.

You have moments, small, quiet ones where things feel a little lighter, even if they don’t last long.

You are starting to recognize what hurts you, even if you don’t know how to fix it yet.

You come back to yourself a little faster than you used to.

You let yourself rest sometimes, without as much guilt.

You are more aware of what you need, even if you struggle to give it to yourself.

You are trying. Even on the days where it feels like you are failing, you are still here, still moving through it.

You have days that feel okay, and instead of them feeling impossible, they feel… real, even if unfamiliar.

You are learning that not every thought deserves your attention.

You are still hurting sometimes, but it doesn’t feel exactly the same as before.

Healing doesn’t always look like big changes.

Sometimes it looks like this, small shifts, quiet awareness, softer moments that come and go.

And even if it doesn’t feel like progress, it is.

You are not stuck in the exact same place you were before.

Something in you is changing.

Even if it’s slow. Even if it’s subtle.

putting yourself first

setting boundaries and saying “no”

resting and taking downtime

nourishing your body

“giving up” on things not meant for you

taking time to heal even if it’s longer than expected

failing (no matter how many times you do it)

- Maybe, Maybe Not

Effective, quick, works for a variety of scenarios. Will x bad thing happen??? Maybe, maybe not. Am I x??? Maybe, maybe not.

- Nope/Nuh uh/I don’t think so

Rejects the premise itself. Shuts down thoughts, but may need to be used repeatedly. Taking a silly tone can help.

- I’ll deal with things as they come, if they come

Allows for ambiguity. Not every bad thought it completely fictional, so it’s okay to admit that something difficult may happen. Worrying only makes you suffer twice, so let yourself worry when it’s warranted.

- Being good at worrying doesn’t make me good at predicting the future

We are great at thinking. We are not so great at thinking accurately about what will happen. Yes many things can happen, but imagination isn’t reality. Let reality happen without trying to figure it all out ahead of time.

- I know myself and so I trust I won’t do that

This works better as you build more self confidence. It’s important to remember that when distressed by thoughts of ways you might be bad that these are not real. If you know in this moment you don’t wish to do those things, try to wipe away a hypothetical in which you suddenly change into a worse person and do them. Trust your knowledge of yourself over your imagination.

- That’s a silly thing to worry over

Minimizes overblown fears. Doesn’t work for everything, but can absolutely help shut down the times where we find ourselves overthinking something rather ridiculous.

wait until it gets dark and make tea or coffee or hot chocolate, or if it’s too hot outside make yourself a healthy smoothie with your favorite things in it at any point during the day

put on your favorite underwear, it helps, trust me, it’s an old family secret (i’m not kidding)

if you have a pet, play the “how many things can i stick on you until you move or get mad” game (bonus points if they fall asleep, extra bonus points if a family member sees you and tells you to quit it, extra double ultra points if they join in)

rip a peice of paper into as many little pieces as you can

go to animeseason.com and click “random anime” until you see one that looks completely ridiculous (or actually good) and watch the first episode. repeat if it sucked or if you get bored halfway through

spend at least an hour making a music playlist for how you feel right now and save it for now or when you feel a bad mood rise again

curl up in bed and cover yourself with blankets and pillows and put in music and just lay there for a while (sleeping is also good)

eat everything

drink lots of water

it’s okay bad moods don’t last forever!!!!!! i promise!!! you will be yourself soon and there are people who love you very much, don’t be afraid to reach out to them

you are lovely

i bet there is still a box of crayons in your house somewhere (if not you can get them cheap during back-to-school sales); find them and use them (maybe while watching ridiculous anime)

sunshine if you can manage it or just a sun lamp trust me it matters more than you think especially in winter

hugs even if they are stuffed animals or your pet or your pillow whatever is on hand

if you’ve got a favorite lotion/soap/thing that is scented use it liberally

cry if you need, if it doesn’t start by itself or if you don’t want to attract attention put on a sad movie so you have an excuse

write this down to pull out on future bad days:

it is okay to have a day where you don’t get things done

it is okay not to have a reason for feeling bad

taking care of yourself is a worthwhile use of time

experiencing consequences for legitimately bad behavior often feels absolutely terrible. even worse than being punished for something you didn't do, in my experience! if you allow your emotions to dictate whether you think you have been mistreated, you're going to treat the people YOU mistreat like they have harmed you unforgivably.

it's an empathetic injury, that's why it's *so* fast, so severe, and the "reasoning" can change so much even when the same story is told again; it's not pre-planned, there's no mastermind string-pulling or whatever, it's "Ah fuck, why do I feel so bad, it can't be my fault, so I need to explain why it is your fault".

I wish I could tell past me this. It would have shattered a lot of the illusions of control built into my environment if I had been able to see how many of the lies were just made up on the literal spot and that the people telling them were not expecting their actions to have consequences.

the biggest thing I've learned about people who get into abusive and manipulative behavior patterns is that something can be absolutely terrible and indefensible and also, at its core, DEEPLY pathetic.

we don't want to see people who do that kind of harm as pathetic because there's this feeling that that somehow excuses their behavior. it doesn't. a lot of the time its behavior that they saw Work for people with power over them when they were children, and now they think it's the only behavior that Works when interacting with people over whom they have power. because it connects back to early developmental learning re: interpersonal interactions, this also often explains why people approach these situations like they're the victim -- it's a child headspace, it's a path that was originally trodden during childhood, and childhood is a state defined by a lack of autonomy. which I think also acts as a way to insulate people from the need to consider other people's experiences and feelings -- when you're a kid it's absolutely vital to defensively hyperrocus on your own experience because nobody else will do that for you. no one does that for children, generally. and so, many people learn that prioritizing their feelings = dismissing other people's. anyway I'm rambling now and none of this is like. I don't have citations for it, lol, but this is the best way I have found to conceptualize these dynamics in Learning terms. because I truly do think that so many things in life are about Learning, and how we are initially taught that the world works.

Which is maybe distinction without difference, because it plays out the same, more or less. Just, rather than externalizing an emotional response that scolds people around you when they don't act the way you want, it's more... very nicely and kindly explaining to people what they actually think and feel, and why they acted in that way and what it means. Very heartfelt and earnest emotional processing conversations where what happened in what order and who felt what and why are rehashed into mush and reshaped.

In some cases, I think this can result from a failed attempt to mitigate the first type of response. Someone who is aware that they need to learn to analyze their own motivations and how their emotions shape their actions, and that they need to learn how to manage themself to avoid setting themself up to be hurt - but, whose sense-of-self boundary is bad enough that they also apply these tactics to everyone around them in a continuum with themself. Analyzing other people's actions as if your own emotional state was a universal baseline, a fundamental truth which they are at all times aware of. As if they were extensions of you. And trying to manage them into place in your emotional schema, like unruly twitchy limbs.

To have a usable model of someone else's emotional state, you MUST acknowledge that you could be wrong about it. If your model of them operates on the assumption that you know what they really feel, you're modeling them as an extension of you.

For me, one of the worst parts of untangling this was relearning that it IS normal for someone's understanding of a situation to change over time - as their emotional state changes, their intepretation of what happened will also shift. As long as someone is not expecting you to instantly and seamlessly comply with their reinterpretation, this is actually... fine. I had learned such a fear response to someone's interpretation shifting that I felt a need to create a stable understanding of What Actually Happened And Why, and to have that be untouchable. Unfortunately... that's exactly how this behavior propagates forward. My stable understanding wasn't actually intrinsically more stable than anyone else's, and now I was the one trying to force people to comply with the conceit that it was - that is, to edit their understanding seamlessly to match changes in mine that I was willfully unaware of.

I was raised to think that if you're smart enough and pay attention you can avoid making mistakes. If you mess up, it's a character flaw and you should be ashamed of yourself. Berated. Punished.

This is a terrible mentality to live by. I cringe when I see my parents perpetuate this by harshly criticizing others for honest, everyday mistakes. Yeah, some things would be avoidable if you chose differently. But you in that moment were just a person and honestly, shit just happens. People lose their wallets. People scrape their tires on the curb. People forget to write down appointments and use leftovers. People knock their drinks over. People misunderstand or struggle to follow instructions.

putting yourself first

setting boundaries and saying “no”

resting and taking downtime

nourishing your body

“giving up” on things not meant for you

taking time to heal even if it’s longer than expected

failing (no matter how many times you do it)