Iris

You don't live to be perceived. You don't live to be recognized, you don't live to be seen. The only person whose perception matters is your own. As you are the only person who has been with you in every moment of your life. You know yourself better and you know what you had to overcome to get to this point. Perhaps you can't work 5 days a week. Perhaps you don't have the best things, perhaps you still struggle with upkeeping hygiene but what others don't know is where you came from. They don't see what place you rose from so who are they to say anything about where you are?

With every word I say here I am growing and learning too. Never do I write any post thinking I know it all because frankly I don't, and neither do you. None of us do. My biggest advice for your own peace in life is to realize that critique on your words doesn't mean it is a critique on your worth. Because none of this even dictates my worth, even if my posts got zero traction it still would say nothing about my value as a human being. No matter how much someone is adored by others, that never dictates that they are any more special than you. Never let popularity be any kind of indicator in your self-worth.

You can recover from every mistake you might make. Even the worst people on this earth could be forgiven if they were to take the necessary and appropiate steps. Looking stupid, falling for the wrong person, trusting the wrong person, putting something out there that isn't good. I am not saying things will be forgotten nor to commit crimes but there are countless things that you can do that in a year nobody will remember speaking from personal experience. Look like a fool, life because honestly when people see that their shame doesn't affect you they lose interest on their own.

Even the happiest characters have moments/arcs where they get beat down. Where for a moment their hope is lost. Does that mean they stopped being classified as a happy person? An optimistic, hard-working and passion achieving person? No! It just means they fell and they got back up a different person because they learned from the things that get them down and had to work through that. That doesn't happen in a day, maybe not in a week, maybe not even a month and fuck. Maybe not even a year or years. Because after all every part of your life is just one part of the story you write. Nobody is going to remember that you were a little more agitated, or sad in the long run. But they are going to remember how you showed up everyday. So if not for yourself then for others, showing up is the biggest fucking achievement because it proves you are working through it all.

This isn't for everyone and that's good because not everybody has to live the same life but, reconnect. Again, if this isn't for you this is the worst advice ever but for me it's eternally peaceful to make amends with people from my past. Some of my old best friends who I had the biggest blow outs with are now the best people I have in my life today. I think you never know what even a little time can do to make you be able to be friends again on terms that are good for both. It's important to stand on boundaries sternly, never go over your own limits but sometimes you're surprised with how much better things are. If it is something you might benefit from you can always try it out, it doesn't mean you need to keep contact with someone.

I promise you, do the 'stupid' thing. There is nothing your reputation won't be able to survive from. Even if you're afraid you might look desperate, uncool, dumb, whatever the fuck all those people may say. There is nothing your reputation will not survive from aslong as you act with integrity. A person who stands tall, who does not reject themselves their humanity of just being human. I promise you that once people realize you truly and genuinely are not playing games and are as genuine as you are, they will ease up to you. If I don't want to do something I'll say no, if I do want something I'll say it, if I feel like smiling I'll smile. If I can't muster a smile I won't. I do not live this life to play a role.

Sometimes we have to say goodbye to things we aren't ready to say goodbye to. Whether that be a passing or life simply moving on or becoming too complicated. The thing you can take away is that you have had that thing in your life for that many years. 'Good things don't last'. I suppose that's as true as you let it be. Just because it's not actively still going on or here doesn't mean it's over. That time in your life is over but the impact is still there. It is still a good thing, it is still within you. It was real for you, so hold onto it if you wish. Remember it and let it make you smile. You choose how long something lasts, good or bad. Give the good things more running-time.

Nobody benefits from you being insecure. Nobody benefits from you feeling bad about yourself. You do not even 'please' the people you think or want to please by doubting or feeling insecure about yourself. Truly, there isn't anybody who benefits from those feelings and especially not yourself! There's no reason to feel like you deserve any of this, because even if you did there'd be no benefit for nobody, so might aswell feel good and kick ass.