Iris

Getting over someone is tough, especially when they are someone you experienced firsts with. Not having to just be first 'relationship' or other such things but also first time feeling loved, feeling seen, etc. It is okay to grieve that to the extent that you feel it. You can say a lot about drowning in it but by not giving it space don't you only drown in it more? You run further than what you are ready for. You might try to jump to something, to jump to a conclusion about who they were to you about what this means for the rest of you. You're allowed to miss them, miss them. Miss what you had, what you shared and never try to convince yourself that things weren't real. Because even with 'new' evidence from the future that doesn't change that what you felt in that moment of time was real. Them changing is never proof that things weren't real, they were real in that point of time. It just isn't that point of time anymore and it's okay to feel the things you feel because of that.

Let yourself feel uncertain about someone who hurt you before trying to reach a conclusion of whether they are or aren't a good person. That isn't up to you to decide, the only thing that is up to you to decide is whether what who they present is someone you can be with or not. If that person is someone you want to be around, if their faults are things you can put up with and grow with. Try to not place it in a box right out of the gate, your heart knows when you are trying to force something that doesn't feel right. This doesn't mean give them endless grace for their wrongs, distance yourself and take care of yourself first before you look at them again.

Communication is hard. Not because communicating itself is such a difficult concept but because we are all so inherently different. I used to beat myself up all the time for not communicating the way someone needed me to but how could I? Everyone internalizes things so entirely differently. Some people just want to be listened to, some just want your opinion on it, etc. Some like reassurances, some don't. Not knowing how to communicate to someone isn't something you should just put on yourself as a failure. It is just one more thing you can learn, ask them straight up. When you feel like the conversation is slipping just be honest, tell them, ask what they would prefer. We have made it so hard when we can just break it down so much more and be straight up. Don't lose yourself in your fear to do wrong.

Do you miss them or do you miss that they mirrored the person back to you that you want to be perceived as? I'm sure you've heard a million times that you can be the one who gives yourself that love but it's never that simple. If it's needed you can use their help for a while, to get started. There was a boy who made me feel free, light and I became a more loving and trusting person because of the impact he had on me but even when he's not around anymore I can be that person. Because it was always within you, if you like who you are with some people just try to recognize what it is that you like about yourself and try to give yourself the room to be that when you are alone. It's slow, but it's an effort that will make you feel more complete without them.

Sometimes the next step isn't caring less but it is to care somewhere else. Sometimes your care doesn't make people act better. I've had my boss claim I don't care about his opinion of me, and I do. But I am not going to show it to him because I know he's trying to find a weak spot. But I am not going to give it to him. In private I write about it in my journal, I vent about it to my mom but I stay calm and collected with him because he doesn't get to think that he holds power of my mental well-being. I don't want to have anyone hold that power over me again. It doesn't mean I care less, I always care but I care more about protecting myself. Prioritize yourself and mostly protect yourself. This is for the one where we can't choose the situations were in, obviously surround yourself with people who don't do this but we can't all pick and choose it!

I'll always repeat this, be genuine. Love genuine, feel genuine. You can always heal from hurt but you can't be genuine again after the moment passed. (Within reason, of course)

Self-love doesn't have to equal isolation. Self-love doesn't mean that loving yourself is the only thing you will ever need because we are still human. You can love yourself and still also occasionally need love from others. Don't be reliant on it, it can't be your only form of love but we all need it. It is a basic human need and desire and I don't think pretending that we don't is going to help us solve our issues. You can recognize you need it, still love yourself and still not be reliant on it. If you need it, it's okay to acknowledge that. It can bring u so much further when you know what you exactly need a little loving for.

A few weeks ago I felt like I had nothing. Family member dying, my career wasn't going well, falling out with the boy I loved, fallouts with friends and in those moments you do doubt yourself a lot. Perhaps rightfully so, I really needed it. I mean if you lose everything and still manage to be able to keep going then what can you even be afraid to lose anymore? So what if something goes wrong again, if I lose friends, people, a job. I have me, I have this life to do with whatever the hell I would like to. You find your way back, and no you don't need to just be positive or believe things will be okay it is okay to recognize that things are crap. But things never stay crap forever, and if they do then you simply try something else that's crap. You'll get out of it eventually

Being ordinary is so okay. Kinda who cares? If I like my life but it is ordinary then good, I like it. If my music taste is ordinary that's okay, if my opinion is ordinary that is okay, if my job is ordinary that is okay, if my hobby's are ordinary that's okay, if my looks are ordinary that is okay. You don't need to fight to be more special than you already are because if it's special to you, then it's special to you. You don't live to be less ordinary to anyone else

Do we ever stop loving someone? Genuinely I want you to ask yourself this so deeply because does the love really ever run out entirely? Do you ever really view them as a stranger again? I don't. I will always love every single person I have ever loved. Not with the same intensity, not frequent, but silent and stationary until I see them again. I think most aren't ready to admit that they'll always hold love for their exes. People confuse it with not being over someone but it's just that your heart once held affection for them, and your heart simply doesn't get over that. We all forgive people who hurt us so easily, I'm sure you have forgiven someone too easily too. So, do you really hate them? Or is that something you tell yourself to make yourself feel protected from the hurt they've caused. What if we all stop telling ourselves these lies and admit that we can hold so much more love in our hearts than we pretend we do?

Glowing-up physically boils down to matching your inner world. I promise you that everything changes the moment you change how you feel. When you feel confident and secure, when you move like you are beautiful people see that. It isn't bragging about how beautiful you are or shoving it in people's faces, it's quiet but there. It's there in the way you take care of yourself physically but mostly mentally. People always become enamored by people who take care of themselves so well that it shines through in all of their actions. Mostly your smile, even if it's hard and it's cliché, smiling genuinely changes everything.