How To Be A Rat Fuck, part 1: How to always win debates
So first of all the title is a bit misleading. There are actually two different kinds of political debates, and I can only help you with the second one. This is NOT advice on how to settle arguments with your friends; these are hostile tactics, meant to be used only on enemies, and if whoever u use it on wasn't your enemy before then they sure as hell will be when you're done. Anyway.
First off, you have to know ahead of time what kind of debate you're in. The two kinds of political debate are internal and public, and they have to be approached very differently because they're very different animals. The internal debate is a dialectical fact-finding process wherein some people resolve contradictions within their group by discussing the relative strengths and weaknesses of various positions; the internal debate should be respected, and the only way to win one of those is to have a good and well-presented argument. Good luck w/ that one.
Then there's the public debate. The public debate--and this remains true whether it takes place on a fancy stage or in the comments section of a youtube video--is a circus. More to the point, it's your circus, and you are the ringmaster.
The true target of a public debate is not the opponent, but the audience. You are not acting as a political worker educating a potential contact, but rather as a performer putting on a show for the audience. The object is not to win over your opponent; the object is to leave any observers with the impression that your side is reasonable and intellectual while their side is silly and histrionic. Always keep this in mind.
Try to avoid addressing your opponent's points directly, except to ridicule them. Instead, use phrases like "But what about--" and "Oh, so you're just going to ignore--" in order to keep bringing up additional points of your own, thereby monopolizing the conversation for your point of view and preventing your opponent from organizing a coherent counterargument.
Take any opportunity to imply that your opponent's arguments are foolish without saying so overtly. Keep an ear out for any lines of argument or turns of phrase that might sound peculiar to the general public, such as cumbersome academic jargon or obscure subcultural metaphors, and roll your eyes while repeating them back to your opponent in a condescending tone.
If you find yourself unprepared or otherwise caught out by a question, just refuse to answer it. Or refuse to elaborate. Imply that your opponent is being foolish by even bothering to ask such a question. "It's not my fault you don't already know about XYZ, someone who'd done any research on the topic would already know about XYZ and wouldn't need me to explain it to them. Anyway, have you considered--" You're never ever refusing to answer or elaborate because you don't have an answer, no, you simply refuse to embarrass yourself by condescending to answer such silly questions. Come on.
If at all possible, try to bait your opponent into getting angry or otherwise distraught. How to accomplish this will vary from person to person, but your pretentiousness and aloof indifference should get you about halfway there on its own. Remember, however, to try not to resort to overt personal attacks unless you're absolutely sure they're going to land; you're meant to look like the voice of reason dispensing sage wisdom while they're meant to look like an angry, blathering jackass. If you can so get under your opponent's skin, it's pretty much over. You can aloofly (and infuriatingly) dismiss whatever else they have to say as a baseless appeal to emotion and proceed to "Anyway, have you considered--" your way into using the debate floor as a soapbox from which to preach to the audience.
Keep these tips and tricks in your back pocket and you'll never, ever lose, as long as you define "winning" as your opponent giving up and storming out of the venue.
And now you're one step further on your journey to becoming a rat fuck! More to come. Quote to think on:
"Rhaegar fought valiantly, Rhaegar fought nobly, Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaegar died."
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