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• because of this, you get people fighting for oxymoronic concepts like "bi lesbian" or "sex-positive asexual". words have to mean things. the word "lesbian" means "a woman who dates women", and if you start using it to mean "a woman who dates women but could also date men", there is no longer a word that means "a woman who dates women". "asexual" means you don't experience sexual attraction, and if you start using it to mean "could experience sexual attraction", the word "asexual" also becomes meaningless. the people who describe themselves as women who only date women or people who don't want sex NEED those words to describe themselves, without the fear that someone else will misinterpret those words and expect something from those people that they can't give.

• because of this, you get an extreme fixation on who's allowed to say what slurs. back in the day, i think the general concept of slur reclamation was "if you've been called this, you can call yourself this". as in, anyone using those words understood how they had been weaponized against them in the first place. but now there's this weird line-drawing of "only this group can say ___", completely disregarding any individual personal experience with those words. worst even are people who aren't LGBT freely using homophobic slurs, by association of considering themselves queer, even if they have never been called those slurs in their life.

The ASpec and AroSpec is massive, and important and valid.

i just wanted to collect some thoughts, particularly on the concept of “sexual attraction”. i feel that especially among the teens on this site, there is a lot of confusion about what exactly “sexual attraction” means and what a “normal” amount is.

do you know what it’s like to have a parent threaten to kick you out/financially cut you off? do you know what it’s like cutting contact with an entire side of your family, parent included, because they refuse to accept you? do you know what it’s like to be violently pushed and beaten, while being called slurs, by people you know? do you know what it’s like to be rejected by job interviews that required you to disclose if you are trans? do you know what it’s like to travel internationally, literally fearing for your life in places where it’s basically legal to commit homo/trans-phobic hate crimes?

“Oh allos know immediately that they are attracted to someone and they want to fuck them wouldn’t that be nice” where are you getting your information from? sometimes you see a person running down the street or a very cool barista with a nice smile and you’re like wow hot. And then other times you’re friends with someone and don’t really feel that instant pull but as you get to know them something happens and you become attracted.

It’s all a spectrum and even more so if you’re queer. and I think ppl can and should make an effort to understand that from all sides of the ace/allo spectrum. because sometimes the whole “oh allo ppl only think in terms of fucking/not fucking, how odd” is 1) devoid of any complexity and 2) has an overtone of disgust that especially with queer relationships can seem uncomfortably close to how rightwing bigots talk about queer relationships.

& somewhere along the way people who have never felt an ounce of that struggle decided “hey i’m #notlikeothergirls. i’m special and unique, and there’s no way that my nuanced feelings about my otherwise perfectly comfortable gender/my experience of sexuality that doesn’t fall 100% in line with what i saw on the disney channel/etc are just representative of normal and expected variation in the cisgender heterosexual human experience. i get to be gay too. actually i’m gayer than gay people. can i use slurs now?”

and when you adopt all the radically inclusive shit of “well not wanting to fuck is lgbt so it follows that wanting to fuck *sometimes* is lgbt, and basically just wanting and doing anything remotely different from what [i imagine] the average cishet person wants and does is lgbt” the community becomes very different but also becomes actively hostile to the people it was originally for. & these people are fine with that because theyre so tumblr brainrotted that they think gay men are heteronormative because one of them tops or whatever.

it was never about a history or a community of supporting each other through actual oppression and targeting from wider society. it was never about “x fought alongside y so we’re basically one of you” like people tried to stretch it to. the reply i drowned was on a post about motherfucking objectum shit ffs i don’t think the toasterfuckers threw the first brick at stonewall.

people want a cutesy social club. they like the aesthetic of “pride was a riot” and “queer as in fuck you” but will happily run actual gay people out of gay queer circles and say “[dangerous political situation for gay/trans people] is a distraction guys!” “gay people have plenty of representation, frankly too much, wheres all the representation of two men not fucking for once 🤮” etc etc in favor of turning our community into a slumber party with friendship bracelets and pronoun circles where they can be up their own asses about how quirky revolutionary they are. their activism is lukewarm dunks on jk rowling on twitter and harassing actual gay or trans people who dare to remind anyone that we actually still have real problems.

“oh i don’t actually want to have sex with them i’m just using them as a sex object” THATS NOT BETTER

“it’s like masturbating, just with a person” THAT’S! NOT BETTER!