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thing that pisses me off most about adhd advice from neurotypicals... the 'doing something for 30 days forms a habit.' bitch nothing in my life is a habit i would be ripping bong and jacking off all day if it was a matter of choice. never underestimate my ability to be super invested in something for like 2 weeks and then forget to do it one day and never go back to it
Nothing is a habit! It's all deliberate choices and it's EXHAUSTING
It's like the difference between automatic breathing and conscious breathing. Imagine if automatic breathing didn't work for you and if you didn't decide to breath you would just run out of air. So you have to mentally manage your breathing on top of your normal functioning.
Now make that EVERYTHING. So no I'm not going to brush my teeth without thinking about it or do the exercise program automatically or make my bed or whatever. If I'm not thinking I'm not doing anything! I'm staring at a wall! And at the end of the day I'm almost always at this point where I have no mental spoons left and that means task queue is empty. My brain is tired and I'm powering down! I'm not even "going to bed" with all of the sub-steps that this entails like changing into pajamas and brushing my teeth, I'm just done for the day no more tasks the end.
So that stuff you can do as a habit is just another task on my to-do list requiring mental energy. Even resting is a task with its own requirements! And it leads to the constant feeling that I don't have enough time to do all the things I need to do, even when none of those things take very much time. It's just the task queue is so long! That's too many things! I can't add any more things, I don't have time! And managing the Task Queue is it's own task!
And if I get overloaded I'll dump the whole queue and go into Idle Mode. No thoughts, do nothing. And I'm in Idle Mode pretty frequently in the evenings which makes it look like I'm just lazy, to everyone in the world including me! No organization system can change this.
I think a key thing here, that I'm pretty sure from observation is totally invisible to the neurotypical view of the world, is the difference between a habit and a pattern.
ADHD people fall into patterns of behavior all the time! Hell, dumping all thought and staring at the wall in Idle Mode is a pattern. Sometimes these even seem habit-like, in the 'doing them without thought' sense. The key difference I've found, after several decades living in my own ADHD brain, is that these patterns of repeated behavior ALL tend to come down to one thing: what is the easiest way, with the lowest possible cognitive load, to solve this recurring problem right now?
Sometimes, "the same thing we always do please do not make me think harder than that" is easiest, even if there might be other options that would take less physical effort. So we follow patterns of solving the same problem the same way every time, because it's easier to put the keys in our hand as we walk through the door on the kitchen counter nearest said door than to figure out a better place for them. Other times, we forget! Circumstances change very slightly. The usual solution his a road block -- there's a pile of mail on that part of the counter today. Or for some reason it won't work -- we simply cannot face another night of Lean Cuisine or chicken fingers for dinner. Or the problem doesn't present itself in the same way so we end up completely off script -- we had enough extra brain to do a whole fancy skin care routine before bed and therefore completely forgot to take evening meds.
And unlike a habit, this usually derails basically as soon as circumstances change. If they change for one than one day, the pattern is out the window and we're back to having to solve this new iteration of our problem from first principles all over again. Every time, at least until our brains find a new easiest pattern.
i was watching a video about how regional cheeses are made around the world, and was shown a type of mozzarella called zizzona (the z/zz pronounced like the 'zz' in 'pizza', with a 'tz' sound), which, yes, means "mother's breast".
so rest easy tonight knowing they have titty cheese in italy.
I know this is meant to be funny but it actually makes such a good point about how ADHD and executive dysfunction can impact people in really major ways, including financially
I listened to the Julia&Trevor episodes of the Magnus Archives again, hunting monsters in the US.
They would lead a fantastic parallel life to Supernatural's Sam and Dean.
I can see a montage, getting ready, preparing weapons; meticulous research and maintenance versus "Julia, where's me axe?" "It's in the boot. And it's my axe, old man."
Phone calls to Bobby, gatgering intel. Julia and Trevor sitting on the hood of their car, eating takeout, Trevor sniffing the air. "Let's turn left. Bound to be interesting"
Sam and Dean attacking a vampire den, only to find it full of burnt corpses.
(Heroin should also make an appearance somehow)
They never meet. But Sam&Dean live in a supernatural horror hunt series, whereas Julia&Trevor are in a buddy comedy.
Inevitable: Dean would become a hunt avatar, Sam a web one.
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Chapters: 6/?
Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Elias Bouchard | Jonah Magnus/Peter Lukas
Characters: Elias Bouchard | Jonah Magnus, Peter Lukas
Additional Tags: Humor
Summary:
It started, as it always did, with a bet.
A series of meetings Elias and Peter have and their favourite shared activity: making bets on the misfortune of others
aka: a meet-cute of two horrible people, bonding over being horrible to other people
new chapter: Peter has been invited to a wedding and the only way to make this better is to take Elias and make him miserable too. It starts by stalking him on his lunch break.Ā
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My mother used to make computer cores as a "work from home" side business. As a child I got spending money via un-winding the ones that failed testing so that the magnetic center could be re-used. I got between $0.05 and $0.25 per core depending. Mom got more for the finished ones, of course, though I don't know how much. Her sister was an expert, and did the more complicated kind, some of which ended up in satellites and/or were used by NASA!
They were all done by hand using a kind of treadle-operated frame with a little (crochet!) hook to pull the wires around the cores. The people making them were mostly housewives who did this as a side-job in the 80s and 90s. I don't know if it's still done that way anywhere in the USA today, but the history of computing and space exploration is littered with "women's work" like this.
thinking aboutĀ āyou havenāt met all the people who will love youā and like!!! you also havenāt found all the things that will make you happy!!!! there will always be new authors and musicians and artists whose work you will one day discover and love!!!! there will always be new hobbies and skills for you to learn and feel fulfilled by!!! there will always be new things around the corner that will bring sudden and unexpected happiness!!!!!!!!!!!
Recovering from autistic burnout as a high-masking adult:
To recover, you literally need to manually learn skills that most people learn as a toddler
You need to learn what makes your body uncomfortable, and what to do to fix it
If you are high-masking, that usually means that you have learned to ignore every distress signal your body sends unless it is a distress signal that a neurotypical person would recognize. People have likely been unintentionally gaslighting you about your lived experience your entire life
If you feel bad or panicked for no reason, stop and try to pay attention to your body. Are you tense? You are likely feeling physical pain somewhere. If you've been gaslit about your pain your entire life, you might not be able to identify it.
Go through a sensory checklist.
SIGHT: Try closing and covering your eyes. If this gives you relief, the lights are probably too bright. You may also need differently-colored lights
SOUND: Cover your ears. Does this give you relief? If so, you may need earplugs or noise canceling headphones. You may also benefit from a neutral or pleasant background noise, like soft music or brown noise.
TOUCH: Are your clothes uncomfortable? Your chair? Your body? Do you feel greasy, like you need a shower? Do you need softer, sensory-friendly clothing?
TASTE: Do you need to brush your teeth or tongue? Would chewing on something help?
SMELL: Is there a strong or unpleasant smell in the room? Do you need to clean or empty a trash can? Would an air purifier help? Would a pleasant smell like a candle help?
INTEROCEPTION: Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? How is your posture? Are any of your muscles tight or sore? Scan your body slowly from head to feet, tensing and loosening each group of muscles. Going for a walk or doing a series of quick stretches may help a lot.
Learning how to do this stuff is not intuitive, if you've had an entire lifetime of gaslighting telling you that everything hurting you isn't a big deal and you're being dramatic over nothing.
This takes time, it takes work, it's not intuitive, and it's hard. Most people forget how hard it is, because they learned this as toddlers.
If you want to recover, you need to relearn your whole body. And get over your idea of "normal" and just wear the damn sunglasses and put on the headphones. If people stare, fuck em. You're disabled and they can deal with that.
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Flash Vol. 2 #190 (November 2002): "Rat Race" [Flashback - childhood and young adulthood]
Flash Vol. 1 #307 (March 1982): "Prey for the Piper" [Flashback - childhood and young adulthood]
Secret Origins Vol. 2 #41 (June 1989): "A Rogue by Any Other Name" [Flashback ā childhood and young adulthood; it emphasized his surgeries for the first time]
Flash Vol. 1 #106/2 (April-May 1959): "The Pied Piper of Peril"
Justice League of America Vol. 1 #14 (September 1962): "The Menace of the 'Atom' Bomb"
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