I_Am_THEE_Fatboy

Here it is again side by side

A few months ago there was a post going around from a feedee recommending that if one really wanted to pack on the pounds, feedees should think about getting a feeder. This made my heart drop on so many levels. It highlighted how feedees can enjoy their kink without a feeder at all. It lay bare the difference between a romantic partner who is also a feeder and a feeder who is a kink dispenser (even if consentual.) It reopened every question I have about my value in a feedist relationship.

Feedees are the ones who have to live with this kink in public 24/7. It changes your body, and that body will be scrutinized and judged non-consensually and usually negatively. In many ways it is difficult and vulnerable and I do not want to lessen that risk or consequence.

But feeders cannot practice this kink without a feedee. There is no solo version for us. (Unless buying food for randos is satisfying on its own for some feeders--maybe it is.) Our version of 24/7 feedism might not be as obvious and public, but it a lot more lonely. We are the purveyors of kink--and we like it that way--and we don't get anything back. There is no "my turn" within the kink. The focus of feedism for both feeder and feedee is the feedee.

What we "get" is a feedee. And if that feedee wants a feeder but not a partner, what we are "getting" might be very little. The chance to pay attention to someone else for a few hours at a time? A one-way attention funnel? A Saturday night motel when the real partner is out of town?

This kink hinges on so much trust. The feedee has to trust a feeder to take care of them (however roughly you want to interpret that) but the feeder has to trust that the feedee gives the slightest fuck about us. I love that element of kink, of having to be bonded in trust for it to be really good, but it is also terrifying. I hate the way the language can be abused to hide what you really want from a person you are being really vulnerable and intimate with.

Yes, you want a feeder. What does that mean about your partnership? Do you want that human in particular?

I suppose this does go both ways, but today I am feeling my version, my fears. I don't want to just be a feeder. I want to be partner to a real human. I don't want just a feedee. It isn't real until the other part, the committment to me the human, is consumated.