It's Called Trash Can Not Trash Can't

Hi anon! I decided to make a broader list feat. snakes, if that’s okay? You might enjoy these:

Harry

Maybe Just A Midnight Rendezvous by @writcraft (2018, E, 4k) - a snake tattoo 😂

Harry’s back in London and he’s determined to show Draco how things have changed.

Feathery Touches series by @drarrelie and @janieohio (2021, 10k)

Back at Hogwarts after the war, Harry can’t help but notice there’s something different about Malfoy. But maybe that’s okay, because something is different about Harry too, and although it doesn’t make any sense, he can’t seem to kick the feeling that it might all be related.

The Five Trials by @doubleappled (2018, E, 11k)

Harry’s willing to go to great lengths for the chance to date Draco — even when those lengths come in the form of an 11th-century courtship ritual. Even when he’s pretty sure he’d rather die (again) than dance in public.

Faint Indirections by ignatiustrout (2019, T, 29k)

Draco Malfoy is the last person Harry expects to turn up in Boston, Massachussetts. But now he’s here, and he won’t stop requesting books from the library where Harry works.

Serpentes by xErised (2016, E, 29k)

It’s a shame that Draco Malfoy looks so good stripping in a club with stolen snakes, because Auror Harry’s got a job to do.

Of Roses and Dragonfire by xErised (2018, E, 53k)

Years after That Kiss, Potter (and his new pet snake) appears again, this time as Hogwarts’s Quidditch and Muggle Games instructor, disrupting Draco’s peaceful life as Defence Against the Dark Arts professor.

Way Down We Go by @xiaq (2019, T, 109k)

In which Harry and Draco both run away from their pasts and conveniently choose to hide in the same tiny American town. It’s super.

Turn by Saras_Girl (2013, E, 307k)

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

Draco

A Hiss To Build a Dream On by @xanthippe74 (2019, T, 10k)

Harry has a pash on a certain Slytherin. Draco has a snake that’s refusing to eat. When Draco asks him to use his Parseltongue skills to help, Harry sees the opportunity he’s been waiting for.

A Sound Like Serpents Singing by Lomonaaeren (2012, G, 12k)

When Draco Malfoy wants a magical snake for his son, he turns to the best in the magical world—serpent-breeder Harry Potter.

Slithering by astolat (2016, E, 27k)

Draco found the nest down in the Manor’s cellars, while he was clearing them out.

Bonus:

King Cobra by megyal (2007, M, 9k)

Draco goes undercover to assist a fellow agent.

The Paradox of Active Surrender by korlaena, Saulaie (2018, E, 108k)

What can I say? I’m a sucker who finds pet characters charming

Helix by Saras_Girl (92k)

Faint Indirections by ignatiustrout (29k)

The Magic Cat by dot_the_writer (17k)

Slithering by astolat (27k)

Hung Like A Hippogriff by Magnolia822 (16k)

Crup-tion of the Not-So-Innocent by calanthe_fics (17k)

The Light More Beautiful, by firethesound (81k)

Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats (104k)

Malfoy Flavor by Vorabiza (75k)

Turn by Saras_Girl (306k)

Draco Malfoy’s Worst Christmas Ever (It’s All Harry Potter’s Fault) by coffeejunkii (11k)

Out and the Open by HenryMercury (74k)

Burn the Witch by lettersbyelise (95k)

All Must Draw Near by Saras_Girl (61k)

There Is Always the Moon by firethesound (159k)

He Who Must Not Be Normal by lettered (41k)

survival is a talent by ShanaStoryteller (428k)

If the Fates Allow by Saras_Girl (81k)

That Old Black Magic by bixgirl1 (77k)

Grounds for Divorce by Tepre (122k)

I-A-M-D-R-A-C-O-M-A-L-F-O-Y by maraudersaffair (10k)

Headlights in the Snow by Saras_Girl (71k)

Hi anon! I’m so sorry this took me so long, your ask got lost under a pile of others 😔 I love all these fics - not all of them revolve around it but some include Harry having a pet snake which I find super fun and endearing! Enjoy :)

Silver Tongues by @letteredlettered (2008, M, 2k)

Even after Voldemort is gone, Harry still speaks Parseltongue. Draco still obeys Parseltongue, even after Voldemort is gone.

The Language of Power by Lokifan (2012, E, 2.3k) - Dark Harry, non-con

Harry loves talking in Parseltongue to Draco during sex: his response is just delicious.

Maybe Just A Midnight Rendezvous by @writcraft (2018, E, 4k)

Harry’s back in London and he’s determined to show Draco how things have changed.

Blame the Wind by @p1013 (2020, E, 4.6k)

My love knew many languages / And many tongues / But when the night encroached on our peace / And its arms of supple dark wrapped tight around our throats / He spoke to me in words only serpents understand.

Checking out the Opposition by birdsofshore (2014, E, 6k)

Harry and Draco seem quite wound up after their latest game of Quidditch.

King Cobra by megyal (2007, M, 9k)

Draco goes undercover to assist a fellow agent.

A Hiss To Build a Dream On by @xanthippe74 (2019, T, 10k) - in this fic Harry can’t speak it anymore, but the story is so charming and hilarious I had to include it!

Harry has a pash on a certain Slytherin. Draco has a snake that’s refusing to eat. When Draco asks him to use his Parseltongue skills to help, Harry sees the opportunity he’s been waiting for. There’s just one small problem: Harry can’t bring himself to tell Draco that he isn’t a Parselmouth anymore.

A Sound Like Serpents Singing by Lomonaaeren (2012, G, 12k)

When Draco Malfoy wants a magical snake for his son, he turns to the best in the magical world—serpent-breeder Harry Potter.

Potter’s Parselprostate (and the Chamber of Secrets) by @dictacontrion (2014, E, 17k)

Hogwarts’ future depends on Malfoy’s texts. Too bad the key is up Potter’s arse.

Sleeping Under the Stars by @writcraft (2012, E, 25k)

DADA Professor Harry Potter finds himself on a Muggle camping trip with newly appointed Potions Master, Draco Malfoy. Sex and feelings happen.

Slithering by astolat (2016, E, 27k)

Draco found the nest down in the Manor’s cellars, while he was clearing them out.

Faint Indirections by ignatiustrout (2019, T, 29k)

Draco Malfoy is the last person Harry expects to turn up in Boston, Massachussetts. But now he’s here, and he won’t stop requesting books from the library where Harry works.

Coffee, Cakes and Doorknob Snakes by Omi_Ohmy (2013, E, 41k)

Harry’s house is trying to kill him, and only one person can help him: pity it’s Draco Malfoy.

Of Roses and Dragonfire by xErised (2018, E, 53k)

Years after That Kiss, Potter (and his new pet snake) appears again, this time as Hogwarts’s Quidditch and Muggle Games instructor (what are Muggle Games anyway? Is this why Potter is swimming in the Great Lake wearing such a tiny pair of pants?), disrupting Draco’s peaceful life as Defence Against the Dark Arts professor.

Way Down We Go by @xiaq (2019, M, 109k)

In which Harry and Draco both run away from their pasts and conveniently choose to hide in the same tiny American town. It’s super.

Turn by Saras_Girl (2013, E, 306k)

Certainly. Please enjoy -

● Turn by Saras_Girl. Rated Explicit, word count 306k.

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

● Serpentes by xErised. Rated Explicit, word count 29k.

It’s a shame that Draco Malfoy looks so good stripping in a club with stolen snakes, because Auror Harry’s got a job to do.

● Of Roses And Dragonfire by xErised. Rated Explicit, word count 53k.

Years after That Kiss, Potter (and his new pet snake) appears again, this time as Hogwarts’s Quidditch and Muggle Games instructor (what are Muggle Games anyway? Is this why Potter is swimming in the Great Lake wearing such a tiny pair of pants?), disrupting Draco’s peaceful life as Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. It’s bad enough dealing with one exuberant Gryffindor (Charlie Weasley as Care of Magical Creatures professor) on the faculty, and what’s all the gossip about Potter courting Draco?

● Warning: Your Snake May Be Inordinately Fond Of The Speaker You Have a Crush On by Sapphyre402. Rated PG, word count 1k.

Draco’s father gets him a snake for Yule. Draco goes to Harry to know what he’s saying.

● The Five Trials by DoubleApple. Rated Explicit, word count 11k.

Harry’s willing to go to great lengths for the chance to date Draco — even when those lengths come in the form of an 11th-century courtship ritual. Even when he’s pretty sure he’d rather die (again) than dance in public.

● Leo Inter Serpentes by Aeternum. Rated M, word count so far 858k.

@underpreparedbard​ made a post asking for soft Geralt fic recs. This happened. Oops? It sort of turned into “soft fics with Geralt in them” but I hope it’s close enough!

Also, the only order in this list is the order in which I found the fic in my bookmarks.

All of them made me very happy to read and I hope they can help you too! <3

  Catnip by bulletincookie

9k, rated T

When an experiment of a spell to enhance hearing and balance goes not quite as planned, Geralt gets cursed with cat ears and a tail, as well as an odd need to stay close to Jaskier.

I’ve read this one at least twice and it never fails to make me melt!

The Courting Ways of Wolves by pillage_and_lute

12k, rated T

Geralt’s in love with Jaskier, now he needs to do something about it.

I laughed out loud so many times while reading this! Absolutely adorable.

My Future is You by @happyjuicyfruit 

13k, rated T

Geralt lives to modern times, his biggest regret is losing his bard. Everything changes when Jaskier gets transported right back into his life.

This is one of those fics that you simultaneously think is perfect and wish it was 100k words longer because it’s so much fun.

blue by @thanksroach

11k, rated T

Geralt comes across a curious little creature that he just can’t shake (not that he wants to).

Absolutely adorable mer!Jaskier. I love it!

It Started With Fish Heads by @helloprudabagastuff 

8k, rated T

Geralt, a merman, courts Jaskier using traditional merfolk customs. Jaskier thinks he’s being punked.

While we’re on the topic of merfolk AUs, have some mer Geralt! I read this fic when I was having a really hard time, and it made my day so much better. It’s hilarious!

time to wonder, do i dare? by @norationalthoughtrequired ​

28k, rated M

Bookshop owner Geralt inexplicably, in what must be a fit of temporary madness induced by the early hour and not enough caffeine, allows musician Jaskier to play outside his shop. Somewhere along the way, he starts to fall in love.

I know I’ve already recced this one multiple times but this contains the absolute softest Geralt so I’m reccing it again! :D

What The Water Gave Me by @wyvernsandwitches ​

8k, rated T

“They don’t exist,” Geralt of Rivia says, expressionless. “The creatures in your song. And the one before about the merfolk. They can’t mate with humans. There are no half mermaids.” “Ah, you’re wrong there, my friend. I myself am part merfolk,” Jaskier answers with a smile.

Or: Five times Jaskier tells Geralt the truth about his heritage and one time he shows him.

Sweet and funny!

A Study in Blushing by @samstree 

3k, rated T

“He looks at you differently when he thinks you are doing something cute. He trips over his words after you call him sweet names. The worst of it all—he blushes any time you are close. Blushes, like a fucking maiden. Urgh, I’m gonna throw up.”

“Oh,” Jaskier deflates, “Witchers blush?”

“See for yourself.” Lambert rolls his eyes.

Or,

Jaskier makes a surprising discovery and decides to test it out.

This one is so cute!! Also, if you want yet more soft things, I highly reccomend checking out the rest of @samstree​‘s works. They’re all amazing!

Gifted Glances Stolen Smiles by @rebrandedbard ​

2k, rated G

Jaskier is trying to get Geralt to smile, but he just can’t seem to figure out what it takes, and he maybe gives Geralt a goodnight kiss while he sleeps. In the meantime, Geralt thinks they’re already in a relationship that’s moving at the speed of a glacier and he’s sweet about it.

Funny and sweet!

The Best Laid Plans by @dwhty-writes

5k, rated T

Geralt is in love with Jaskier. In order to finally get him to admit his feelings, he devises a ten step plan with Lambert, Eskel and Vesemir.

Hilariously silly witchers!

How Bold by theimperialbogmonster (songs_of_the_moon)

7k, rated T

Eskel joins Geralt on a hunt.

Eskel realized it was—a joke, maybe, or a game. Jaskier complained, Geralt shot back something that should have been hurtful, and they looked at each with stars in their eyes.

It was all a little ridiculous, and Eskel had no idea what to do with it.

Eskel meets Geralt and Jaskier and finally gets them to Talk About Feelings. Absolutely wonderful!!

When You Wish Upon A Greg by @ineffable-monster-romancer ​

1k, rated G

soft h/c: a magical creature grants Jaskier one wish, and Jaskier decides to ask for Geralt to be happy. The creature fulfils Jaskier’s wish, by making the bard immortal.

It’s a Greg the Demon Horse fic and a post-mountain fix-it fic at once!! What more could one want?

Roses are Red by @fangirleaconmigo 

2k, rated T

Geralt lifted his hand again, only this time he placed his finger on the tip of Jaskier’s nose. It was an entirely unprecedented gesture and Jaskier had to make an effort not to show his surprise.

“You are friend shaped,” Geralt said simply.

Geralt is drunk and absolutely adorable. I love!!

Two wolves, a cat and a bard walk into a tavern by Beginte

6k, rated T

Jaskier and Geralt bump into Lambert and Aiden on the way to Kaer Morhen. Awkward meet-the-boyfriend ensues.

I have a weakness for Geraskier and Lambden interacting and this fic is just perfect!

Make me Happy by @writinglizards ​

9k, rated T

“I was benevolent and good; misery made me a fiend. Make me happy, and I shall again be virtuous.” - Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

He is created. He is abandoned. He is found.

Frankenstein AU!!!!! This one is just so soft, I absolutely melted reading it.

Opposites Attract. by tinyjaskier

27k, rated T

When Geralt is paired with Jaskier by the University accommodation team, he’s sure there must’ve been some kind of mistake.

The guy is loud, unorganised and messy. Geralt likes peace, order and cleanliness. He’s going to drive him absolutely insane.

But, there’s no more accommodation left. How will they cope?

Super sweet Autistic Geralt and ADHD Jaskier!!

the most beautiful thing by @janiedean and @nol-nol ​

17k, rated T

In which a mage curses Geralt to relieve his worst memory for an entire month. Jaskier deals.

De-aged Geralt with Jaskier! Absolutely adorable.

Little Fledgeling by @seralyra 

4k, rated G

After Posada and the elves Geralt begins to notice two very important things about his new travel companion: 1) Jaskier isn‘t a fully grown lark. He‘s a little baby bird spreading his wings for the first time. And 2) While Jaskier is a naturally affectionate man he seems to be hellbent on keeping a healthy amount of distance between himself and Geralt. And somehow that doesn‘t sit right with Geralt at all. Geralt decides to do something about both of those things. Now how do humans work again?

Wonderful fic exploring Geralt and Jaskier’s relationship shortly after they meet. It’s so sweet!!

Kiss me, for real this time by @jaskierswolf ​

2k, rated T

“So… you’ll come to the banquet to protect me, but not as my bodyguard?” Jaskier sang. Geralt furrowed his brow and hummed. Jaskier rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Well you still refuse to use the term friend so that won’t work. You’ll have to be my plus one!” He laughed at his own joke, ignoring the spike in his heartbeat. Just a joke, Jask. Geralt hummed and tilted his head. “Alright.”

Amazing fake dating!!

Fresh Air by Slayer_of_Destiny

10k, rated T

After a difficult fight that Geralt needed to call his brothers and father in to help him with, he takes them back to the cottage where Jaskier is waiting for him. His fellow Witchers get a shock when they meet the unusual Bard who accepts Witchers without a blink, and who loves the White Wolf.

The other Wolf witchers meet Jaskier, who is in an established relationship with Geralt. Amazing!!

My Name is Hidden On Your Tongue by anarchycox

10k, rated T

Jaskier is cursed. Well his whole family line is. Every male born child cannot be named. They can be given a name, but it will never be a true one and people will always have an allergic reaction to saying this false name. Only a soulmate speaking your true name aloud will break the curse. The family though has never cared, they’ve only cared about the family fortune and marrying well.

But Jaskier cares. He is determined to travel the world, find his soulmate and learn what his name is.

And the best way to travel the world seems to be with a rather taciturn witcher named Geralt of Rivia. If he started to hope that Geralt would be the one to say his true name, well that was one thing that Jaskier would not say aloud.

This is one of those fics that you wish you could un-read so you can read it again for the first time. 

Give Me Nothing, Give Me You by @dls-ao3 ​

62k, rated T

Ciri’s kindergarten letter comes in the mail on a Tuesday. Geralt opens it, skims it, and frowns at the class his daughter has been assigned.

Dandelions.

Or: A modern AU with Dad!Geralt and Teacher!Jaskier.

I don’t know how the author sustains such sweetness for so long, but they do and it’s wonderful!

wow hello @astralalmighty its been literally forever but I'm finally getting around to answering asks now that things are a little less crazy, I hope you enjoy!

there are so many fun ways for jaskier to become immortal, but what if it was all of them? just imagining jaskier stumbling around accidentally acquiring immortality over and over again by increasingly ridiculous means

-his mother did indeed sleep with something nonhuman, whether they were elf or fae or something else is anyone's best guess but nobody knows, least of all jaskier's mother. She wasn't even sure that they were someone of any kind of strong magic at all until she noticed jaskier's tendency to sprout different plants and flowers around him depending on his mood and the fact that when he finally came to visit years after oxenfurt he looked the exact same and didn't have a clue

-during his years at oxenfurt jaskier had a grand time racking up an obscenely high body count, among them a minor god/goddess or two that declared the sex so mind blowing they blessed him with eternal youth, not knowing he already had it

-turns out, having no qualms about sampling any of the weird shit him and geralt find in mage's lairs isn't as harmless as jaskier claims, and he has drunk not one, not two, but three separate half finished eternal life elixirs (one of them turned his hair blue for a week and geralt took him to four different healers before jaskier convinced him that he was "completely fine geralt, there's literally nothing wrong with me" "your hair is BLUE, jaskier!")

-he's definitely never telling geralt about the time he was getting peckish waiting around the campsite waiting for the witcher to return from hunting and chugged one or two of his potions he didn't recognize. that one is going to his grave

-there's also the time he was dying from a vicious swipe from a royal griffin, and jaskier never wants to see that much of what should normally be inside of him outside again, geralt got him to triss just in the knick of time. In the general panic following their arrival there may have been just a little too much magic packed into the healing involved, and if the scar on the bard's torso glows every once in a while and his cuts seem to heal faster than normal, who's to say what happened?

-no one at kaer mohren can forget the time jaskier barged into the lab without knocking and interrupted some experimental spell work being done by yennefer, resulting in him getting hit square in the chest with a blast of magic. he woke up laying on the floor in the arms of an insanely worried geralt who was ready to rip yen's head off. It took several slices of vesemir's blackberry pie and a lot of reassurance to get geralt to loosen his hold on the bard, and even then jaskier was barely allowed out of geralt's sight for a week (jaskier and yen quietly agreed later on to keep the fact that jaskier now seemed to have chaos woven into his soul a secret for at least a few more winters)

- not only is geralt apparently completely clueless to the average lifespan of a human being, jaskier being the key example, he also had no clue how many years horses were meant to live, and nobody had the heart to mention that it was rather unusual that Roach had been around for nearly fifty years with no sign of stopping soon. Nobody had any clue what exactly she was, and since she couldn't speak nobody would ever know that Roach had become rather attached to jaskier and how he made her witcher smile, and had blessed him with good fortune and long years. not that anyone would complain about that

jaskier really is just walking around the continent accidentally making himself immortal hundreds of times over and in a thousand different increasingly ridiculous ways, at this point there ought to be a continent wide betting pool on what he'll do next, or more importantly, when anyone will freaking notice

Some Assembly Required (peachpety / @peachpety) (E, 6k)

A relationship must occasionally endure a test of strength, be it confronting an ex, or meeting the in-laws. Sometimes, however, an inanimate object can make or break a couple. Harry and Draco’s relationship is put to the test when they attempt to assemble a piece of IKEA furniture.

Love Is (xErised) (T, 26k) (watch the tags, this is about the saddest fic I can handle but I did love it)

Aurors Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are presumed dead during a mission gone wrong. Their partners — Draco and a pregnant Hermione — refuse to believe that they’re gone, even after a year of their absence. A tale of loss, longing and love, with a happy ending.

On the Balcony (firethesound / @firethesound​) (E, 3k)

Life had been hectic for both of them lately, and Harry was looking forward to a quiet evening at home. Having a romantic dinner on the balcony of their flat sounded like just the thing.

By Your Hands (GiRa / @chaoticowlpost​) (E, 7k)

After being together for months, Draco wants to try going a step further with Harry. The only problem is that he actually has no idea what he’s doing - but thankfully Harry is more than happy to guide him through it.

Like Gold (The_Sinking_Ship / @the-sinking-ship​) (E, 4k)

Hello! Your holds have arrived!

I went ahead and opened this list up to all professor fics, not just fluffy ones, so please do check tags, but having Harry and Draco as professors is such a fun trope, especially when they are back at Hogwarts together. I hope you enjoy these fics as much as I have!

Professors Fics

K-I-S-S-I-N-G by mymoon4ndstars (328 words, rated G)

You know how that old song goes: Harry and Draco, sitting in a tree...

Paper Cranes by @malenkayacherepakha (1,212 words, rated M)

The notes were one of their most beloved traditions. It started before they were even really a thing, when they were making their first cautious approaches towards each other. It all began with a delicately folded crane on Harry’s desk at the end of a long day.

The Mystery of Potter's Bad Mood by @glitteringvoids (1,798 words, rated T)

Potter was grumpy this morning. Well, he was grumpy every morning. He would get less grumpy as the morning went on until he was almost pleasant by lunch; only almost though. Draco wasn’t sure Potter ever was pleasant. The fact that he could make Draco laugh and they had actually fairly interesting conversations without seriously insulting each other didn’t mean Draco had to like him. But this morning was different.

idiots love company by @thelegendofwinchester (2,502 words, rated G)

Even as a professor, Harry cannot seem to avoid the hospital wing. Draco is concerned, Ron is accusatory, and Hermione is the only one who uses her brain. Featuring oblivious Harry and his awful wardrobe choices.

An Accidental Heart-to-Heart by @mobilicordis (3,777 words, rated T)

Harry never saw himself becoming a professor. Nor did he ever see himself running into his arch nemesis, Draco Malfoy, on the train to Hogwarts five years after they finished school. He really didn't expect their first civil conversation to go like this, either.

A Little Less Than Civil by froggy-o (3,943 words, rated G)

A little less than civil. That's a light way to put the way the Professors Malfoy and Potter act around each other. From prank wars to arguments in the hallway, it's obvious that the two despise each other. OR, how a small misunderstanding led the students to think that Draco and Harry hated each other. And, well, it's entertaining so if they play it out for a little while...

Out of This World (And Into Yours) by Leontina (5,268 words, rated T)

After several years teaching at different schools, Harry and Draco transfer to Hogwarts and make an agreement to avoid one another. This works well until a student goes missing, and Harry and Draco have to work together to find her, finding themselves in the process.

To Catch a Dream by @huldrejenta (5,695 words, rated M)

Potter wants to keep things casual. Draco catches feelings. Damn it.

The Difference a Rabbit Can Make by Darkravenwrote (7,046 words, rated G)

When a clueless student is cursed by an unknown, missing object, Professor Malfoy finds himself in over his head. As much as Draco hates to admit it, they do not have the correct expertise. The school has no other choice but to call in an Unspeakable for help. Draco was not prepared for Harry Potter to turn up on their doorstep the very next day.

Professor Potter and his Magical Menagerie by @dracogotgame (7,530 words, rated T)

Harry Potter descends on Hogwarts with a horde of magical beasts. Professor Malfoy is not amused.

Jinx! Buy me a coke. by nitsanapocalypse (11,364 words, rated T)

Draco is the only person who understands that a jinx is about to kill Harry Potter, therefore it is his duty to follow him around everywhere and make sure he doesn't die.

Newts by @astolat (13,926 words, rated E)

“I’m twenty-eight!” Harry said. “I’ve been an Auror for ten years! You want me to go back to Hogwarts now?"

Tea for Two by @whysotensepotter (14,187 words, rated T)

Draco Malfoy is the last person that Harry expected to be working alongside when he took the open Defense Against The Dark Arts position at Hogwarts, but now there's nothing to do but put their past behind them.

Augury Forcast by @xx-thedarklord-xx (22,880 words, rated E)

Draco had always known that teaching at Hogwarts would be an experience, he just didn’t think that meant a flash flood in the kitchens, a windstorm in the Great Hall, or a sandstorm in the Quidditch pitch. Months of extreme weather would grate on anyone’s nerves, but to have Potter, the ever annoying Divination Professor, around every corner was even worse. So much for a quiet life at Hogwarts.

Against All Odds by momatu (53,815 words, rated E)

Beauxbatons is hosting the first ever Quidditch Summer School for children from all over Europe, and Harry has promised to enroll Teddy as his birthday present. Meanwhile, Draco is stuck in his office, putting together the first ever Quidditch Summer School for children from all over Europe during, when he should be enjoying summer holidays.

A Secondary Education by Thunderbird587 (234,528 words, rated E)

Fleeing the aftermath of his recent divorce, Draco Malfoy takes up a post as the new Potions Master at Hogwarts. At first he believes his hopes for a fresh start are dashed when he sees that a certain boyhood rival is on staff there as well. But Harry Potter is being weirdly nice to him, leaving Draco no choice but to play along. As Draco reckons with his ex-wife's infidelity and questions about his own sexuality, he finds himself going to an openly gay Potter for guidance. As their friendship deepens, Draco realizes that there is quite a lot that Potter can teach him. And that he is surprisingly ready to learn.

❤️ As always, if you find a fic you enjoy, please remember to leave the author a kudos or a comment! ❤️

Lots of Love and Happy Reading!

the rule is unwritten, but very enforced. like, there are online communities dedicated to erasing any trace of the spread of his identity. a tourist takes a photo of him and posts it online? it's gone in minutes, and people send DMs to the poster anywhere from "hey, i'm sure you were just excited, but...." to "ill kill u if i evr c you, fuckin bitch".

any information on spider-man is only spread via word of mouth, and only spoken in hushed, awed voices. after several years of spider-man, everyone knows someone who encountered him:

"he saved my cousin. caught a falling billboard from underneath with his bare hands..."

"wow... i've never seen him myself, but he talked to my coworker's daughter for an hour after he stopped a guy from getting a little too handsy. apparently, his smile is 'dreamy'."

these secrets are freely given if you're kind, trustworthy, and show respect for the little guy. but the moment you demand information on him... "i don't know what you're talking about, buddy. he's just an urban legend the news likes to blame the city's problems on so we don't unionize or worse"

Like, obviously we need jaskier and geralt content, but can you imagine the sheer chaos, the opportunity for feral jaskier his own series would bring?

Some fun aspects might entail:

Plot ft. Spy/assassin jaskier casually causing chaos amongst courts and nobody putting the dots together that at every ball the great bard jaskier attends, somebody dies

Jaskier in a series of increasingly elaborate disguises, including a remarkably convincing noble lady that scares the shit out of Mousesack

Jaskier sneaking into Cintra to visit Ciri and tell her tales of witchers

A frankly insane number of sexual exploits that result in jaskier fleeing from many a town

Jaskier becoming grudging friends with Yen, bonding over their love of wine, bitching about geralt, and all the court gossip

The bard getting to show his own competency, even some badass assassin moments (I would 100% support jaskier having some kind of spy/assassin crew who all work together sometimes)

Jaskier starting many a bar fight (and finishing them, Melitele help him) over people shit talking witchers

A running gag of jaskier constantly avoiding geralt (post mountain of course) as the Witcher is apparently searching or st least asking after him

Jaskier accidentally swindling his way into some sweet sweet immortality from some increasingly ridiculous ways

Of fucking course we get to see the valdo Marx rivalry up close and personal, maybe jaskier even gets to take a swing at the smug bastard

I love the idea of jaskier having a network of completely bizarre people and creatures that he’s managed to befriend across the years

Just jaskier going on his own set of side quests and adventures, getting up to shit and all kinds of trouble, all the while looking fabulous along the way

Jaskier totally doing Fine without geralt, he doesn’t miss him at all, nope, nothing there to see

The dynamic duo of jaskier and essie (or Priscilla) fucking up oxenfurt

And we mustn’t forget the obscene potential of jaskier encountering other witchers, especially the other wolf witchers and the shit they could get up to without geralt’s knowledge

All in all now that I’ve thought about this I want it more than life itself, thank you for coming to my TED talk

(Updated 12/05/21) - These are not yet all on AO3 as they are quite short and honestly titles and summaries are my least favourite thing. (Bolded over 200 notes, Italics are now on AO3, © - are Christmassy/wintery Prompts)

Geraskier- Fantasy Verse

Fluff

Butt Bow, Bertie the Flirty, My Darling Esk,  Wolf Ears, Cuddles, Flower Crowns, Reunion Hugs, Snuggles, Flower braids,  What Pleases You, Sleepy cuddles, First kiss, Morning kisses, First winter ©, Muddy Bard (C), Spring God, Northern lights ©, Polar Diving ©, Medallion, Etiquettes, Baby Fiend, Kilt Jaskier, Amorous Bard, Corset, Lil’Bleater, Not friends, Baby Cockatrice, A new adventure, Wolfy Geralt the third, Cheek kisses, Falling in Love, Jaskier gets a new sword, I heard a rumour, Jaskier grows his hair, Skellige, Baby Forktail,

Hurt/Comfort

Axii, Thunderstorm, Wolf Ears, Post Mountain (feat Dandelion),  I Want You to Stay, Kissing Pollen, Wake Up, Kitten!Jask (pt. 2), Pirate AU, Kitten!Geralt, Platonic Valentine, Not Broken, Full naming Geralt, Touch Starved Geralt, Socks pt. 1, pt.2, Enough,

Spicy

Kisses,  Face sitting, pillow princess Geralt, Ambush in the woods, Thigh dagger, Rings, snowed in, Katrina Morhen (crack fic), Feral Geralt, Stable Smut, noncon - cockwarming,

Angst

I Could’ve Saved You, Kitten!Jask, Unrequited love

Geraskier - Modern Verse

Warning: some derogatory language, especially anti-sex work slang (although all the witchers are canonically pro-sex work)

———————————————————————————————————–

“I can’t believe you brought your bard to the keep,” Lambert groused. It was the same complaint he’d had all week, ever since Geralt arrived with Jaskier in tow.

“He’s my bard, this is my home,” Geralt said. “I wanted to bring him here.”

Lamberts stood, slamming his mug on the dinner table and glaring at Jaskier. “You wanted a whore to warm your bed in the winter.”

“No,” Jaskier said calmly, turning over a page in the book he’d borrowed from the keep’s library. “Geralt wanted a slut to keep his bed warm in the winter. That’s me.”

“I don’t see a difference,” Lambert growled.

“Lambert c’mon,” Eskel groaned. “This is getting old.”

“The difference,” Jaskier said, speaking over the scarred wolf but not looking up from his book. “Is that I love Geralt very much and I fuck him for free.”

Lambert stormed out, presumably to go throw things about in the armory. Geralt pressed a kiss into Jaskier’s hair.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “He’s not good with change.”

“It’s okay, dear heart, I’m sure he’ll warm up to me.”

Eskel stood and began clearing the dinner dishes. “Good luck with that,” he said.

Vesemir smiled across at Geralt and Jaskier, who were sitting so closely entwined. It was good to see his reclusive pup happy, and he had an idea what had gotten under Lambert’s skin. Before he retired to the library, Vesemir paused, resting a hand on Jaskier’s shoulder. 

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Jaskier smiled in return.

– – – – – – 

It starts at dinner one night. 

They settled in a few days ago, bringing the ice cold from the mountains and the snow with them, after trudging up the Killer for two weeks. They sit at the wooden table and before them stands Vesemir’s famous roast, the one Geralt had told Jaskier all about. 

Geralt helps himself to some potatoes, and gestures to Jaskier’s plate. “You want some?”

Before Jaskier can nod, Lambert cuts him off. “Darling,” he says with a pointed tone.

Geralt turns to him, an eyebrow raised in confusion. “What?”

“You seemed to have forgotten you were speaking to your bard, there,” Lambert quips, and sits back with a knowing smirk. “Just wanted to help you out.”

Geralt blinks. “Uh.”

Jaskier notices the way he’s frozen in place, and gently touches his forearm, ignoring Lambert’s non-sequitur. “I’d love some, Geralt. Thank you.” 

“Uh,” Geralt repeats, and doesn’t take his eyes off Lambert as he fills Jaskier’s plate. “Sure.”

And then one day they meet a 6.1 ft tall, enormous, scary-looking Witcher with two huge swords, who smiles only at Jaskier and lets him sit in his lap.

***

Geralt's brothers also think that Geralt is bluffing about Jaskier. Sure, they heard the nice songs about Witchers, but that doesn't mean anything. There's no way that Geralt could've befriended someone, let alone a human bard.

Y’all need to stop asking for fic recs because I have over four hundred AO3 bookmarks and no self-restraint.

Anway, @moongoddesskiana asked for fics with Jaskier and the Kaer Morons! The brilliant @penandinkprincess recced the first three, all of which are amazing. Then I attempted to filter through my bookmarks and found the rest! Some have more Jaskier and some have more Kaer Morons, but all have at least some of both. There’s a lot of variety, so hopefully everyone can find something they like!

~

If You Give a Bard a Lute by @ghostinthelibrarywrites (Rated T, 10k, Geraskier)

Jaskier’s father disowns him and takes all his posessions, including his lute. When Geralt finds out, he won’t let it stand, and recruits the other witchers to help them steal the lute back.

If I Must Starve (Let it be in Your Arms) by Igneum807 (Rated M, 31k, Geraskier more or less)

Lambert and Eskel learn how nice it is to be cuddled by a bard. The whole series is absolutely wonderful.

Weak and Wanting by @sociallyawkward–fics (Rated T, 36k, Geraskier)

Geralt invites Jaskier to Kaer Morhen for the winter. Lambert and Eskel decide to play matchmaker.

Chance Met on the Road and How Bold by theimperialbogmonster (Rated T, 1k and 7k respectively, Geraskier)

The two works in a wonderful series. Eskel joins Geralt and Jaskier on the path and manages to knock some sense into them.

How Different Wolves Can Be by SGALOVER  (Rated T, 36k, Gen)

Vesemir rescues Jaskier from a brief capture by Nilfgaard and takes him to Kaer Morhen, and Jaskier becomes part of a big witcher family.

Fresh Air by Slayer_of_Destiny  (Rated T, 10k, Geraskier)

After a difficult fight that required all of the wolves’ help, Geralt takes them back to where Jaskier is waiting. The other witchers are shocked at this human’s easy acceptance of them.

In the kitchen of a keep in the mountains by ArtanisNaanie  (Rated T, 12k, Geraskier)

The various inhabitents of Kaer Morhen as seen through their cooking. The food sections are fascinating and the plot is sweet.

Those songs we sung, those words we flung by persephonesprince (Not Rated, 179k, endgame Geraskier)

Lambert and Eskel adopt Jaskier after the mountain.

Well Met by DahliaVanDare (Rated G, 2k, Gen)

Eskel meets Jaskier after the mountain. Hilarious!

Forest Encounters and Two Witchers Walk Into a Tavern by TheSupernova (T and G, 3k and 2k, Geraskier)

A series in which Jaskier meets Lambert and then Eskel.

The Best Laid Plans by @dhwty-writes (Rated T, 5k, Geraskier)

Geralt is in love with Jaskier. In order to finally get him to admit his feelings, he devises a ten step plan with Lambert, Eskel and Vesemir.

Courting The Bard Of Your Dreams In 3 Easy Steps by bulletincookie (Rated T, 10k, Jaskel)

Eskel falls in love with Jaskier at Kaer Morhen. Now he has to court him.

That Unwanted Animal by @softdarlingjaskier (Rated T, 27k WIP, Jaskel)

Jaskier starts traveling with Eskel after the mountain and they go to Kaer Morhen together. I usually avoid incomplete works, but this one is really good!

Slightly Akin to Wonder by StarsInMyDamnEyes (Rated G, 3k, Gen)

Jaskier is a retired witcher who changed his name. The other witchers don’t realize that this bard is the same person. Absolutely hilarious!

The Kaer Morhen Book Club by @jackironsidesfic (Rated T, 10k, Geraskier)

The Kaer Morons have an annual book club in which they read books about witchers. One year, they find a novel in which a witcher is the romantic lead. AKA: Jaskier is a romance novelist and Geralt finds out. I don’t think Jaskier actually meets the other witchers in this one, but it’s so hilarious I couldn’t not rec it!

and the right to call it home by Chancy_Lurking (Rated T, 11k, Geraskier and Lambden)

Lambert doesn’t trust the human that Geralt has brought to the keep. Things escalate. This one is angsty!

Winter Secrets by C4t1l1n4 (Rated G, 0.7k, Geraskier)

Jaskier overhears a conversation he doesn’t think he’s supposed to. It’s not exactly what he’s expecting either.

The Courting Ways of Wolves by @pillage-and-lute (Rated T, 12k, Geraskier)

The inhabitents of Kaer Morhen help Geralt develop a plan for courting Jaskier, which he then carries out. This one has more Geraskier than Kaer Morons but it’s so sweet and funny that I had to mention it!

starlight; star-crossed by @julek (Rated T, 10k, Geraskier)

Jaskier adopts the stray dog that’s been hanging around Kaer Morhen. Geralt absolutely isn’t jealous.

I’m also going to take this opportunity to shamelessly self-promote my own ficlet that I wrote because my love for this trope is uncontrollable!

The Wolves and the Bard by ForestWren (Rated T, 0.5k, Gen with vaguely implied Geraskier)

In which Jaskier discovers that he has, quite by accident, acquired a family.

~

That’s it for now! Please feel free to chime in with your own fic recs – I’m always looking for more things to read! <3

So! Geralt loves to scent Jaskier, especially after the bards been performing in court or performing for a crowd that gets a little too touchy with him at a tavern. Geralt will sometimes pull the bard aside when he’s taking a break and just scent his neck as much as publicly appropriate while the bard drinks and eats some food. Other times he isn’t able to get to the bard at all and in the end just kind of storms over, takes him in his arms and scents him right there in front of everyone because he’s a Witcher. He doesn’t give a shit if you disapprove, he’ll claim his bard if he deems it necessary.

Geralt also loves dressing Jaskier in his clothes, especially the morning after a night of fun. It’s normally just a shirt but if it’s cold enough he’ll throw his cloak around the bard too. No matter how hard Jaskier whines and complains about it, “not being his style” they both know he also loves wearing Geralt’s clothes. There’s a weird sense of pride when people see his bard and when they get close are immediately off put by the sight of his clothes. None of them may have a Witcher’s nose but they all know Witcher’s clothes when they see them, and that’s as good a warning as any.