ξεῖν’ νῦν δεῦρ’ Δαναῶν ῥηθέντα δὲ μῦθον ἀκούσῃς
“stranger, now come hither, and hear the Danaans’ spoken word”

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@translatingpostsintoancientgreek
ξεῖν’ νῦν δεῦρ’ Δαναῶν ῥηθέντα δὲ μῦθον ἀκούσῃς
“stranger, now come hither, and hear the Danaans’ spoken word”

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thursday..... and i bet you wish you were her
þuresdæg..... and ic wene þæt wyscst þu hi sie
ἡ διὸς ἡμέρα… καὶ οἶμαί σε βούλεσθαι ἂν ἐκείνην εἶναι
it would be so nice if I could get what I want for once in my life
εἴθε δυνηθείην ἅπαξ ἐν τῷ βίῳ λαβεῖν ἃ βούλομαι
You're right, I didn't translate it literally. I used εἴθε, which introduces an optative of wish, because I interpreted "it would be so nice if I could..." here as essentially expressing a wish ("if only I could..."). To me, that's also the more natural way to phrase it in Greek.
If I wanted to preserve the English wording more closely, I'd probably write something like καλὸν εἴη εἰ..., with the adjective in the neuter because it's an impersonal predicate (not modifying βίος) and εἴη is the optative of εἰμί. The ἄν isn't needed here because this isn't a potential optative. And the conditional idea is already expressed by εἰ.
it would be so nice if I could get what I want for once in my life
εἴθε δυνηθείην ἅπαξ ἐν τῷ βίῳ λαβεῖν ἃ βούλομαι
has anyone figured out how to be a real person yet
just me. and i'm NOT telling
what the fuck. come on
μελί-λυς ἆρά τις ἤδη εὗρεν ὅπως δεῖ ἀληθῶς ἄνθρωπον εἶναι
χειράσουλ ἐγώ μόνος· καὶ οὐκ ἐρῶ
γουτμάνχιες τί ποτε. ἄγε δή

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fuck it. grass on my blog for touching
ilicet. herba meo in diario tangenda
ἄφες ταῦτα· χλόη ἔνεστιν ἐν τῷ ἐμῷ βιβλίῳ πρὸς τὸ ἅπτεσθαι
EVERYONE. GET MORE IN LOVE WITH YOUR FRIENDS NOW. FRIENDSHIP IS ALL WE HAVE ON THIS MISERABLE BALL OF DIRT FLOATING THROUGH SPACE. TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU LOVE THEM!!!!!
Ω ΠΑΝΤΕΣ, ΝΥΝ ΜΑΛΛΟΝ ΦΙΛΕΙΤΕ ΤΟΥΣ ΦΙΛΟΥΣ. Η ΓΑΡ ΦΙΛΙΑ ΜΟΝΟΝ ΗΜΙΝ ΥΠΑΡΧΕΙ ΕΠΙ ΤΑΥΤΗΣ ΤΗΣ ΤΑΛΑΙΠΩΡΟΥ ΓΗΣ, ΤΗΣ ΔΙΑ ΤΟΥ ΑΙΘΕΡΟΣ ΦΕΡΟΜΕΝΗΣ. ΛΕΓΕΤΕ ΤΟΙΣ ΦΙΛΟΙΣ ΟΤΙ ΦΙΛΕΙΤΕ ΑΥΤΟΥΣ!!!!!
teach me your ways how the fuck do you talk without hating what you say the moment it comes out of your mouth
δίδασκέ με τοὺς σοὺς τρόπους πῶς ποτὲ λέγεις χωρὶς μισεῖν ἃ λέγεις εὐθὺς ἐπειδὰν ἐκ τοῦ στόματός σου ἐξέλθῃ
ok so its a pretty good story but you know what would make it better? a liar. a character who lies. maybe two.
iawn felly maen stori eithaf da ond ti'n gwybod be fyddai'n ei wneud yn hyd yn oed gwell? celwyddwr. cymeriad sy'n dweud celwydd. efallai dau.
licet satis bonast fabula at meliorem quid faciat scis? mendax. persona mentiens. duae fortasse.
καλὸς μὲν οὖν ὁ λόγος· οἶσθα δὲ τί αὐτὸν βελτίω ποιήσει; ψεύστης. πρόσωπον ψευδόμενον. ἴσως καὶ δύο.
yes I DO live under a rock and her name is the Moon and she is always smiling but she teaches me nothing
gese ic WUNIGE under stane and his nama is se Mona and he is a smercigende ac he ne me lærþ nan wiht
ita est VIVO sub saxum eiusque nomen Luna est ac semper ea subridet sed nihil me docet
ναί ὑπὸ πέτρᾳ μὲν ΟΙΚΩ καὶ τῇ πέτρᾳ ὄνομα ἡ Σελήνη ἀεὶ δὲ μειδιᾷ ἀλλ᾽ οὐδὲν με διδάσκει
You're right that my translation changed the wording a bit. If I were being more literal, I probably would have gone with αὐτῇ ὄνομα ἡ Σελήνη, as you suggested (Greek uses the dative of possession with names, just as Latin often does).
Honestly, I just translated a little too quickly and, in my head, turned "her name is the Moon" into "the rock's name is the Moon." That made me keep πέτρα explicit instead of using a pronoun. In retrospect, though, a pronoun would have worked better, since it would have personified the rock and strengthened the connection between it and the goddess Selene…
That said, I don't think τῇ πέτρᾳ is totally out of bounds. Since πέτρα is grammatically feminine, the reference is still clear, and Greek can often repeat a noun where English would usually use a pronoun.

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yes I DO live under a rock and her name is the Moon and she is always smiling but she teaches me nothing
gese ic WUNIGE under stane and his nama is se Mona and he is a smercigende ac he ne me lærþ nan wiht
ita est VIVO sub saxum eiusque nomen Luna est ac semper ea subridet sed nihil me docet
ναί ὑπὸ πέτρᾳ μὲν ΟΙΚΩ καὶ τῇ πέτρᾳ ὄνομα ἡ Σελήνη ἀεὶ δὲ μειδιᾷ ἀλλ᾽ οὐδὲν με διδάσκει
limping away from the battlefield all by yourself, handsome?
solusne a proelio claudes, pulchre?
μῶν χωλεύων ἀπὸ τῆς μάχης μόνος ἀποχωρεῖς, ὦ καλέ;
I'm evil now. no more kindness
malus iam sum. bonitas non iam est
Κακὸς νῦν εἰμι· οὐκέτι χρηστότης
"time heals all wounds" WRONG. time is chasing me with a knife
„Tíminn læknar öll sár“ RANGT. Tíminn eltir mig með hníf.
"omnia vulnera tempus curat" FALSUM. tempus cum cultro me insequitur
"Die Zeit heilt alle Wunden" INKORREKT. die Zeit verfolgt mich mit einem Messer
"tʰaym yaka munk-ɬush kʰanawi kakshet" *wik-ɬush*. tʰaym yaka kishkish nayka kʰapa uptsax̣
"denborak zauri guztiak sendatzen ditu" OKERRA. denborak nire atzetik labana batekin ibiltzen ari da
ὁ χρόνος πάντα τὰ τραύματα ἰᾶται· ΟΥΔΑΜΩΣ· ὁ χρόνος διώκει με μαχαίρᾳ

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ate too many strawberries.. goodbye….
i live another day
רויזיינגל־אין־אויסלייגונג
געגעסן צופֿיל טרוסקאפֿקעס.. זייט געזונט
רויזיינגל־אין־אויסלייגונג
איך לעב אן אנדער טאג
rosipuer-discens nimis fragorum edi.. valete....
rosipuer-discens alium diem vivo
ῥοδοπαῖς-ἀσκούμενος ἄγαν πολλὰς χαμαικέρασα ἔφαγον... ἔρρωσθε
ῥοδοπαῖς-ἀσκούμενος ἄλλην ἡμέραν ζῶ
it feels like we're all simmering. someone turn us over. someone stir us.
δοκεῖ ὥσπερ πάντες ζέομεν· τις ἡμᾶς μεταστρεψάτω· τις ἡμᾶς ἀνακινησάτω.