Star Wars

The Little Slave, The Little Queen, The big Villains, The Little Farmer, the Little Princess, and a Little Happy ending,,,

Happy Star Wars day!!!! and happy birthday to me...Veeery late on the day, but I had 6 hours of no electricity nkjs. Anyways, I'm happy i took my time with these <3

dex’s diners, drive-ins & dives. jetting around coruscant to find all the best and weirdest dishes from thousands of different alien species. sometimes he brings obi-wan along because they’re buds. sometimes in the background there are Very Important Things happening, like lightsaber duels you can just sort of see through the swinging kitchen door, or anakin and padmé on a date, macking on each other in plain sight, but it’s never addressed even when the lightsaber fight knocks the table over. dex chortles a lot. 

wookiee sitcom. no subtitles but there is a laugh track. once a season there’s a life day episode.

impractical jokers but it’s just yoda. zipping around the jedi temple on his little hover chair, doing little schemes. r2d2 is his occasional partner in crime. the pranks are mostly just inflicting bodily harm on the mark because yoda and r2 both have a sense of humor derived from sadism. most of the younglings are in on it.

troops. you know, troops. (click the link!)

rancor hunter. like crocodile hunter but he looks at the big beasties of the galaxy. of course he has the reverence and love for these big beasties that steve irwin always had, and that the rancor keeper in jabba’s palace had. he has an australian accent. he wears khaki shorts. he wrestles with sarlaccs with nothing but his bare hands. he’s been digested three times. his film crew is constantly trying to talk him out of stuff but he’s just batshit insane so there’s nothing for it. 

law & order: hutt space. there is no law. there is no order. it’s just hutts dropping people in rancor pits. 

tatooine pod racing sports drama. à la days of thunder. a new teenager steps up to try and fill the shoes of nine year old anakin skywalker, now a legend among the slaves of Mos Espa, looking to win her way to freedom for herself and her ragtag group of friends. toss in some teen romance. some railing at the injustice of a “benevolent” republic which lets stand the evils of slavery just so they can have the hutts as allies in their war. a dash of sebulba and you’re good to go. off to the races. 

ewoks: caravan of courage. just ewoks: caravan of courage, drawn out to last 8-10 episodes instead of a measly 97 minutes. pshh.

teen padmé. come on! teen queen! fourteen years old and in charge of an entire kriffing p l a n e t??? handmaidens as side characters?? there is a sisterhood ! ! ! you know there’s a market for teens dealing with life or death stakes, and better yet, these teens are all ladies, and they’re doing it with logic and style. maybe throw in some space pop music, put a trashy cw spin on it. commission some hot young up and comers to write songs about girl power in the context of galactic democracy. lots of getting-ready-for-a-gala gossip scenes but they’re gossipping about who wants to kill padmé this week. 

wipeout but with protocol droids. remember the droid factory scene in attack of the clones?? just that but with protocol droids bouncing all over those big red balls. commentated by lando calrissian and nien nunb. (“yowza. that one looked like it hurt, didn’t it, nien?” *total silence* “haha, you got that right, buddy.”)

…Palpatine’s office is a womb right? Its where Sidious’ perfect apprentice is developed. He’s nurtured in this space by Palpatine until he Anakin leaves it reborn Vader.

Like there’s really so much to say about Palpatine and yonic symbolism.

He’s also almost an anti-mother. With Anakin only knowing a mother’s love, and both of his major conflicts being about saving his mother and the mother of his children, Palpatine is a perversion of both. With Palpatine eventually replacing both Shmi and Padmé. Initially taking a nurturing role throughout his conflict over his mother, and eventually becoming the person Vader is most dedicated to through his conflict over Padmé.

Shmi’s child (Anakin) dies and is reborn Darth Vader. Idk it’s just paired with the raw bloody entrance like outfit we wears. They’re in this red organ like office and Vader is being born through Sidious. Its almost a gory birth scene.

Then there’s like the inverse of Anakin with his mother happening in this scene. With Palpatine arriving on time.

jedi padawan they captured, panicking: oh yeah? then how come you aren’t even strong enough to come to the light? huh? checkmate, buddy!!

sith:

"But not like this. Never like this."