tacky and pedantic

so i think the solution is to give dachshunds a third pair of legs right in the middle

introducing a new character, Sun-Tzu But If He Sucked

i think fig newtons have sort of ruined the cachet of the noble fig in the united states. i dont mind a grainy gummy dry horrible dessert ingot myself once in a while, but objectively they are sort of awful

i need to forgive myself for everything by this weekend so i can start fixing my life from next week

after my last concussion I had this weird thing for a few weeks where I like, didn't want to get hurt? like if I thought I might get hurt doing something that made me not want to do it. has anyone else ever experienced this?

my daddy always taught us to be ashamed of our everything

shit I missed my window, next week I guess

Reblog on Tuesday to let your followers know it’s safe to leave the bog

it's actually so funny that all you need to do as a female athlete to be immediately disqualified is being good, because everyone knows women suck ass at everything and if a woman is good at something that's unnatural. hashtag feminism hashtag protect women.

"let me put this object some place obvious and inconvenient so im forced to deal with it" (grows around it like a tree root around a rock)

#baby i can ignore elephants in the room in ways you cannot imagine.

The aide said that guys like me were ”in what we call the reality-based community,” which he defined as people who ”believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality.” I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. ”That’s not the way the world really works anymore,” he continued. ”We’re an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you’re studying that reality — judiciously, as you will — we’ll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that’s how things will sort out. We’re history’s actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.”

NEVER be vulnerable. FLUSH your medication down the toilet. LIE when people ask how you’re doing. SUPPRESS your feelings. ALWAYS be irritable and abrasive. MAKE SURE you push away anyone who’s close to you. CANCEL your therapy appointment.

snakes really make you appreciate how gross mammals really are. squamates are very dry and clean

a bird is a kind of reptile that has learned to be yucky.

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams