a book half unread

We're gonna have a hard time convincing future generations the phrase "Trumped-up charges" is etymologically unrelated.

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

Had to submit it to the tags for peer review

if someone gets killed by a grizzly bear or a polar bear it’s like “Damn, that’s unfortunate. Luck of the draw.” but if someone gets killed by a black bear you’re like “What did they do to that bear to make it that angry?”

Grizzly bears? You’re usually fine if you’re minding your business but every once in a while one of them decides to go on a killing spree Sankebetsu brown bear incident style and that can’t be prevented in all circumstances. Polar bears? If it wants to kill you, it will decide to kill you and then do it, not your choice. But black bears? My uncle has been chasing the same bear around his property for years Looney Tunes style with no casualties on either end, what the fuck do you have to do to a black bear to make it want to kill you if chasing one with a broom after it was picking your apples does not provoke them to violence?

"Give us your government-issued ID to access our app's full features" babydoll you are text messages.

hate how they forced bugs bunny into anti-weed propaganda in the 90s, as if bugs bunny wouldn’t love smoking weed 

To be perfectly fair, bugs bunny would also love taking money for starring in anti-weed propaganda and then using said money to buy weed

bugs bunny is not real 

theyre saying you have to go to work again tomorrow even though you just went today

Do people not know what enemies to lovers is anymore? How can you have 'enemies to lovers' and 'insta love' at the same time?!??! THAT MAKES NO SENSE!! LET THEM BE FUCKING ENEMIESSSSSS