An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1 600 words
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Teyla Emmagan & Jennifer Keller
Characters: Teyla Emmagan, Jennifer Keller
Additional Tags: Coda to s4e07 Missing
Summary:
Jennifer thinks she’s got some mending to do with Teyla after the events of Missing. She’s not wrong.
Teyla was surprised to see Jennifer standing at her door, but she inclined her head and allowed the young woman entry.
Jennifer crumpled into a chair looking small. Teyla had the urge to comfort her, and then bit down a surge of anger about that.
“I’ve been awake all night.”
“Have you?” Teyla said tightly.
“And I want to say I’m sorry. I’ve been the most self-involved person that ever lived.”
Well. Teyla had not been expecting that level of self awareness.
“I kept going over it in my mind. All night long. How you found out your people were missing and I never asked if you were okay, never acknowledged how you must be feeling. How I let you take care of me when it should have been the other way around. I can’t figure out how I allowed myself to be like that.”
“Can you not?” Teyla responded, because she had been around Earthers long enough to understand they did not see women like her as capable of pain, of being vulnerable.
“I mean, I know there are differences in our experiences, in our survival skills, and trust me, I am gonna work on that, I promise, and not be so helpless again. But…”
Teyla waited, pretending to be patient.
“I think it was something else. More than that. I think there are things that stopped me from, from… looking after you. And when I found out you were pregnant, it hit me, that you're…”
Teyla thought, then, of all the things she longed to be, that the Earthers wouldn’t let her be, that it was never safe for her to be.
Vulnerable. Tender. Fragile. Heartbroken.
“…Teyla, you’d already faced so much loss and now just when you were starting a family, you’ve lost your people. I know that isn’t bearable, and I know that whatever strength you’re showing, you must be torn to pieces inside, and I just wanted to come and say that I am so very sorry for your loss. For all your losses.”
Jennifer’s warmth seeped through the glacial dam holding back a flood of grief and rage that Teyla knew she might not withstand. She sank down onto her meditation mat, suddenly weary beyond endurance.
“I want you to rest all this week. Doctors orders. Take some time to process. Is there anyone you can lean on? I mean, you can talk to me, but…”
Teyla thought about Elizabeth, then, and the reason, perhaps, she had run back to the Athosians and Kanaan. Her heart held too many losses. It wasn’t possible to contain so much.
“I miss Elizabeth,” she found herself saying, a traitorous tear sneaking down her cheek.
Jennifer moved onto her knees from the chair to the mat in front of Teyla and placed a hand over hers, warm and soft and sweet.
A sob tore itself from her, without her leave, and Teyla found herself weeping despite herself.
Jennifer’s slight arms somehow managed to be a comfort as they wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her close.
Teyla puzzled why she had imagined Jennifer too fragile to hold her tears. The woman was warm, kind, comforting, and cuddled her close for the longest time. Really she didn’t seem so very small or weak or frail but just a woman, not so different from herself. Right now, Teyla felt about as small and as weak as a human could be. And horribly alone.
“I’m never going to forget I can be strong for you again,” Jennifer said, kissing Teyla’s temple.
