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Jae: Wtf Wonpil just threw a milk carton at me how dairy

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Hendery: Dumplings imply the existence of one large Dumple

Ten: SAY ONE MORE WORD I DARE YOU

Sleep deprived Chan

*air horn sound*

*second air horn sound*

Chan: This isn’t deodorant.

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Jeongin: What are they in for?

Zookeeper: This isn’t a prison.

Jeongin: So they can leave?

Zookeeper: Well no.

Jeongin: *pointing to a penguin* I bet that one killed someone.

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Taeil: Isn’t it weird how we pay money to see other people?

Yuta: Wait do you mean concerts, movies, or prostitution?

Taeil: Glasses

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Felix: Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up yourself??

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Renjun: I need advice.

Jaemin: *eating cookie dough for breakfast* You came to the right person.

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Xiaojun: What’s the first thing you notice when someone tries to approach you?

Ten: The audacity.

Jungwoo: *watching Mark pour two cans of Monster into his nitro cold brew coffee*

Jungwoo: Mark what are you doing??

Mark, completely monotone: I’m trying to die Jungwoo.

Chan: I wasn’t that drunk.

Felix: You tried to color my face with a highlighter because you said that I was important.

Chan: *tearing up* because you ARE

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Jae: I’m going to kill 1000 people and a monkey.

Young K: Why would you want to kill a monkey?

Jae: See!! No one cares about the 1000 people.

Jeno: Look what I drew!! *shows picture of cats on a boat* It’s the Catanic!!

Chenle: If there were cats on the catanic, then what was on the Titanic-

Jaemin: NOPE

Taeyong: I think I forgot something.

Doyoung: If you forgot, then it wasn’t important.

Taeyong: Yeah, you’re right

Haechan in the Walmart parking lot across town:

Jisung: Hey do you want to see a butterfly?

Taeyong: Jisung no-

Jisung: *chucks a stick of butter across the room*

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Hyunjin: I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke.

Seungmin: I thought you were bi.

Hyunjin: Stfu Karen no one asked for your opinion.

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Yuta: *orders food fluently in Japanese to impress the other members*

McDonald’s drive-thru employee: what now

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Johnny: A burglar breaks into my house in search of valuables. As he enters the living room, his eyes widen in horror as they fall upon a display case full of my middle school karate trophies.

Johnny: Suddenly, I appear behind him, hands on my yellow belt.

Johnny: Welcome to the dojo bitch.

Everyone:

Doyoung: That’s a fun story Johnny but I’m going to ask you again, CAN YOU PLEASE JUST PASS THE GOD DAMN SALT

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