I told the stars about you

even on tumblr i’m the quiet kid that sits in the corner and doesn’t really know anyone

canoeing is a fantastic word . those vowels are absolutely out of control in there

To all of my fellow jobhunters: May you be the right candidate, at the right place, at the right time soon. And may that place turn out to be full of friendly people. 🌸

i love when ppl say “that’s so you” it feels good to know i exist and have a vibe

I DONT CARE HOW MANY BEDS THERE WERE. WHAT IS YOUR BOOK ABOUT

(tearfully) w- working at the mattress store

i'm so fucking sorry. can you ever forgive me

girl who started a load on laundry: I’m gonna change my life I’m gonna clean my whole house I’m gonna go on a walk

hello this is your google account. did you know that you are trying to log in. to. your google account. would you like five emails about how you logged in to your google account.

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

how is everyone feeling today

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

Reblogging because it’s a damn potato and I want to encourage people to assume potatoes are magical.

w-what if potato is actually lucky

i need a lucky potato