pity party

youre supposed to not be like this by my age but whatever

how to do things that everyone else seems to do no problem

don't ever look up what your childhood friends are up to now!!!!!!!!!! like girl you're a nuclear safety engineer. i put on matching socks today. we played tag a thousand years ago.

[Image Description: pixel art of an old television over a pink background, the transgender flag showing on the screen. Under the television a text in glowing cyan reads "there's still time". /end ID]

Why is it that every time I google something like "Are olives poisonous to cats" the top results are always like "Fun fact: Cats are carnivores! This means that they eat meat. There is no reason to include olives in a cat's diet. You should feed your cat cat food, which is dry or wet food especially designed for cats. You can purchase this at a store." like is there a single person alive on the planet who's googled "Are blueberry muffins safe for cats" because they're planning on switching their cat to a muffin-only diet??? No, I'm asking because the little bastard somehow popped open the packet while I was putting away the groceries and dragged one under the couch before I could react and now I need to know if I should call the after-hours vet. "Cats should not eat spaghetti." NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!! "Try to keep human food away from cats." i live in a studio apartment with a completely silent and permanently hungry apex predator who has the intelligence of a toddler and the desperate Machiavellian cunning of a creature who spent his formative months on the streets. He can already open doors and he is this 👌 close to learning how to open the microwave. He is stronger than me and covered in knives. So im gonna do my best but for the moment i just need you to tell me whether this yoghurt is going to kill my son y/n

the other night I dreamt that ao3 got a new number go up button titled "jorked it"

How do you know you're not Asexual? Maybe you just haven't met the right nobody.

This "allosexuality" thing is just a phase. You just need to have really bad sex, and then maybe you'll change your mind.

why is ut always "being fat puts pressure on ur joints" but never "being skinny makes u more vulnerable to joint/bone injury" like lets be real im not playing this game with u where u get to pretend u know anything about medicine much less my personal case . u are going to have things happen to u and ur body no matter what size u are and pretending fat people are somehow the only people who can possibly sustain weight related injuries PISSES ME OFF . be fucking serious

people give me shit like "you wouldn't have such severely impaired mobility if you weren't so incredibly fat" like nice try fucker i lost my mobility when i was thin and fit and then i got fat when i could no longer walk, you know fuck all about me.

your cat was an honor to see in the window