fools gold

Why do people think the laws of man and nature don’t apply in beach bathrooms? What is it about beach bathrooms that makes people enter the heart of darkness and decide that toilet paper can go anywhere?

Come my child, before the humans return

they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because I keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it

Wanksy is a better activist than Banksy. They are improving their community.

We all know the pro life movement is full of shit. They only care abt controlling wm. They don’t care abt the children. Because if u were a real prolife advocate u would b completely disgusted

Holy fucking shit, this is actually happening. 

In casey’all think America is still a sort of “we figured ourselves out” country. this is 2018. this is now. people actually voted for this son of a bitch. the next time someone tells you “everyone knows about hitler and the holocaust that’s obviously not going to happen again” fucking shove this up their asses.

If you’re a man and you don’t love your girlfriend a lesbian will

Consider it a Threat AND a Promise

1) they expensive bruh 2) none of us kno the dif btwn a fucking diamond and some fancy ass glass ur capitalist rock hierarchy has no control over us

3) mostly mined with slave labor

4) we get excited when our date buys us an appetizer, we don’t even comprehend people buying us rocks that would force us into debt for ten years

5) They aren’t actually that rare and the price is artificially inflated. 

THANK YOU EX-JARED’S BASED GOD. 

engagement rings: HACKED

Get a ring from an antique store. They’re usually less than $100, you know they hold up over time, no one else will have one like it, and it comes with the bonus of being haunted by the spirit of some old woman named Edith probably.

resting your phone between your head and shoulder while you’re talking and feeling like a responsible and hectic businesswoman from a 2007 rom com with filing to do

this is why most of yall remain single

and here’s a link to an article talking about the changes trump has made to food safety protections

Pre-sliced cantaloupe has been found to be contaminated with Salmonella rn too so be careful