the vulva monologues

community theatre is quite possibly the funniest hobby, because you will meet all these people who are insanely talented and could probably have gone pro if luck and/or nepotism had allowed, and not only that but you will meet people with Star Quality, the inexplicable magnetism that makes you go "wow i would listen to them read their grocery list." and then you'll be hanging out with them backstage and they'll be like "yeah i'm a receptionist at a dentist's office"

to clarify, it's not everyone. it's not even most people. it is unfortunately not me. but every now and then you are going to meet someone with qualities you chiefly associate with celebrities and then you are going to have to try to imagine meryl streep as a manager at dunkin donuts

They just don’t release the hounds like they used to

in my day someone just let the dogs out. never did know who.

hello to all the beautiful exhausted intelligent resentful compassionate irritated women of the internet i love you

our new job launched its mandatory ai transcription program designed to streamline our workflow and not only does it melt down the moment it has to transcribe non-white customers but it keeps hallucinating the existence of a mysterious boy named dorian who shows up in every third call summary

caller got into a car accident on their way to work? their nonexistant son dorian was hurt. got kicked out of a bar and broke their ankle? their son dorian was the one who broke it. i now spend more time having to de-dorian the call summary than if i had just written it myself. really funny. we're required to use this now

The Picture of Dorian GrAI

i’m going to be really honest with you guys i think the tendency to read the absolute worst possible intentions into every action you don’t agree with is getting too automatic and it’s eating you from the inside out

The closer to the modern era you get the more fascinating "lost at sea" becomes as a backstory element. Being lost at sea in 1612 is a downright normal kind of lost to be. Being lost at sea in 2012 is like, okay, back up – I need to hear this one.

People constantly fail little girls at every. Fucking. Turn.

they should invent a way for me to do tasks without the mind torture