Tizzy

Thank you Familial Hypercholesterolimia. As if I didn't have enough on my plate, and my plate is already PORTIONED, mind you.

Alright folks, what is causing the sudden, massive wave of nausea after weeks of no symptoms?

A: The crab I ate earlier and other food related sickness.

B: My yearly April POTS flare.

C: Anxiety.

D: GERD flare.

E: Might just need to shit.

F: Unlocking yet another bullshit "no cure" comorbidity of some kind.

Stay tuned for the answer, folks. I'm 99% sure I'm going to end up vomiting within the next hour.

Edit:

Aaaand folks we're back after the 14 minute break with our answer. Let's go down the line.

If you answered B, D, or F, you were incorrect. This was surprisingly not a chronic illness related event.

If you answered C, you were incorrect. The sheer force of what exited my body could not have been caused by anxiety alone.

If you answered E, you were incorrect. While I did end up shitting, it did not alleviate the nausea.

This means that if you answered A folks, you were correct. This was either the result of a mild, unknown seafood allergy, the crab being parasite ridden, binge eating, or all of the above. We are currently waiting on confirmation from the other party who ate the same crab, to determine if this result is due to parasites or something personal to my body.

That's all folks, thanks for playing. My nose burns and I am ready for bed.

Couldn't do anything yesterday because I had to save energy for a dentist appointment today, and I can't do anything tomorrow either because I'll need to save up energy again for a cardio appointment on Friday. I've spent the whole week just stalling and doing a bunch of fuckin nothing.

The cardio appointment itself is bullshit. I see the actual doctor once a year, the doctor who previously told me POTS isn't diagnosable, and the extent of it is just:

Springlock suit.

We are constantly inside a springlock suit.

During the day, when we are wearing compression gear, hydrating, intaking sodium and electrolytes, taking medication, regulating our body temperature, taking breaks, eating smaller meals, managing our diet; all of those symptom management tools are metaphorically winding the springs inside the springlock suit to keep the animatronic parts coiled back.

But if we move too much, if we get hurt, if we neglect to manage our symptoms, aka not winding the springs, we flare. The springs snap back and impale us with metal from every possible location on our body, and we get stuck for an extended period of time.

My friends don't really do well with medical terminology, and we all tend to find it a bit depressing, so this metaphor seems to help. If they ask how I'm doing today and I send a picture of Springtrap, they know I'm really going through it.

My heat intolerance has not been bothering me as much lately so I figured, hey, it's like 70 degrees outside, let me just step outside for 10 minutes and enjoy the air. Feel the sun on my skin for the first time in 2 years. Enjoy life. No risk of sunburn, I'm hydrated, I've got my ice packs and fan on me, we good.

My body is now boiling me alive.

Even ice feels hot on my skin.

Why body. Why.

No clue where this is coming from but this is a wild thing to wake up to

But you do realize that the "non-psychotic singlet" thing just kinda makes you look a little stupid...right?

DID/OSDD are specified/unspecified dissociative disorders. Not psychotic disorders. You can experience symptoms that mimic or present like psychotic symptoms (actual psychotic symptoms are consistent with disorders such as schizophrenia, major depressive, schizoeffective) but DID/OSDD are not classified as psychotic disorders. The dissociative symptoms are simply similar to psychotic symptoms due to disruptions in reality.

Are you saying that if I AM psychotic, I have the right to comment on things in regards to DID/OSDD? Or do I have to be a "psychotic system" to truly speak my peace? Or maybe just a system without the "psychotic" attached to it, which would mean you adding "non psychotic" to your message would be pointless.

I don't think you even know what you want.

I feel as though I kind of know what I'm talking about here considering I've been professionally diagnosed with MDD for the last 7 years and experienced my own unfortunate states of psychosis and psychotic symptoms, but, to each their own, I guess. Professional diagnosis might be a foreign concept to you, so I don't take it personally.

Bringing up psychotic symptoms/disorders in the same context as dissociative symptoms/disorders makes you look like a fuckin nut, btw.

At my last bloodwork appointment, they gave me a yearly depression screening paper. I already knew that my results were going to be a little wonky because I have a depressive disorder, but the questions and limited answers were genuinely pissing me off.

"Do you spend a lot of your time feeling tired or out of energy? A, not at all. B, several days. C, more than half the days. D, all the time."

Like, yes, D, all the time, but that's because fatigue comes with my Dysautonomia. That doesn't mean I'm depressed or suicidal, but these questions don't have the option to provide that context.

"Do you find it hard to communicate with others on how you feel? A, not at all. B, rarely. C, often. D, all the time."

It depends on what needs to be communicated and what feelings I'm trying to communicate. Am I communicating complex feelings or surface level feelings? Am I communicating these feelings with a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, or a family member??? What exactly defines something as "hard"? Simply difficult or near impossible for myself??

"Hi, yes, I need a refill for XYZ. I just looked at the date on the bottle, and it says to refill by literally 2 days ago, but surely you can still give me a refill because 2 days is not a substantial amount of time."

"Ahh, I'm sorryyyyy!! We actually can't give you a refill. You'll have to go back to your doctor and set up an actual appointment to renew the prescription. If you called two days ago, this wouldn't be necessary, but unfortunately, it expired."

"...Why are you not able to refill it now?"

"Well we can't tell if you're still taking the medication or if you still need it, so if you make an appointment with your doctor to confirm if you still need it, we can totally get you a refill! :)"

"So if I called literally less than 48 hours ago, you would have been completely under the assumption that this is a medication I still need. But now you are under the assumption that my chronic illness has magically cured itself within the span of two days, to where I need a doctors confirmation that my chronic illness, is still, in fact chronic, for you to do a refill."

"Yes :) my apologies."

"Jesus okay let me call my doctor."

Calls my fucking doctor.

"Hello doctor X, I would really appreciate it if you could renew my prescription for XYZ because I am pretty much out, and as you know, this medication depends on my ability to function."

"Hi! It's nice to hear from you again, but you will have to come in person and schedule an appointment for me to renew your prescription."

"Why. I'm pretty much housebound, and going to physical doctors appointments leaves me symptomatic for weeks. I would really like to avoid doing that since I'm being forced to attend holiday events soon, and I need all the energy I can get."

"I completely understand! Unfortunately, we can't tell if this is really you over the phone."

"....but you've heard my voice before. It's me. You know me."

"Yes, but that's not a form of reliable identification to ensure that you still need this medication, that you're renewing it for yourself and not someone else, not taking more than you should, abusing it, etc."

"...I can send you a photo of my ID."

"I understand your frustration, but that is still not a reliable form of identification. In-person identification is what is required."

"I can literally read off my damn social security number. My birth certificate. I can fax you a copy of my fucking taxes. Anything. I just need a refill. A refill that I would have had no issues with if I ordered it two days ago."

"Still unreliable. Would you like to set up an appointment for sometime soon?"

"...." *Literally vibrating with rage at this point.*

"...I have about 4 days left of my medication. When is the soonest you can get me in."

And this usually results in me having to wait an extra month, unmedicated, overly symptomatic and flaring by the time I have to physically go to the appointment, only to have to wait an extra few days for the pharmacy to actually have my meds, because these dumb fucking cunt ass bitches are convinced that either I'm not me, that my chronic illness has magically cured itself, or that I'm secretly a drug addict abusing my medication.

NAUSEA MEDICATION.

YALL ARE ACTING LIKE I'M ASKING FOR OPIOIDS.

The visual disturbances that come with presyncope? I can't look at window/door screen because my eyes start fucking up. No flashing lights, no florescent lights, especially at night.

Can't be pitch black either. I always have my phone on night as a light source, I can't have my eyes open and staring at complete darkness because that is what I see before I pass the hell out.

Like omg!! My energy levels are back!! I have an appetite again!! Blood pooling is less frequent!

Unfortunately, chronic joint pain is now at an all-time high.