I know I’m not the worst of the worst and it feels so dumb to be complaining about this stuff when I can still go outside, yea it leaves me stuck in bed after but I can still do it right?
I’m tired I can’t cook myself a meal anymore other than a sandwich or a microwave meal.
I’m tired I can’t draw or create very often anymore
I’m tired that even watching w tv episode is too much for me most days and that doom scrolling is the only thing I can do because it doesn’t require brain power to process everything.
I’m tired that I can’t go on a walk anymore and that even in my wheelchair going outside is fucking exhausting and it means that even though I have no food in to have dinner, I’m too tired to even go pick up food at the corner shop.
Im tired that I just spent a week with a friend and the whole time I was horrendously flaring, straight up thinking I had Covid because of how horrible I felt, and most of the time all we were doing was sitting there watching tv and that was just too much for my body to recover ???
I’m tired that even if I took my pain away I’d still just be as disabled because of my fatigue.
I hate that I know I shouldn’t push myself yet I still do because if I didn’t I would literally be doing nothing but then it means I am literally doing nothing the rest of the time- it’s like I flare even if I’m doing nothing it’s great.
I want to scream to the fucking sky about how shit it feels. I want someone to tell me hey yeah this really fucking sucks and this isn’t living and it’s okay you feel this way. I want the support I need and I can’t get it because of my living situation.
I’ve gone away for my mental health and instead it’s me getting worse because I’m alone and I can’t even get up to make a sandwich because it means I have to put on a binder and other steps because I’m in shared accommodation.
I’m also just, making things worse with people by being upset with them all because I just want someone to be there for me but then I don’t ask them to be there for me because I’m scared? Make it make sense lol
I don’t know sorry for the ramble I just need to get it out my system