āIt just means you have to work double as hard as most people!ā
Well maybe I donāt WANT to work double as hard as abled people!! Maybe I deserve a BREAK!! Maybe Iāve been working MORE THAN double as hard for MY WHOLE LIFE and itās led me to immense burnout & caused me to develop several MORE disabilities!! Maybe I should be ACCOMMODATED so I donāt have to KILL MY BODY AND BRAIN over trying to do what abled people can do!! Maybe I DONāT have to work double as hard!! Maybe if thereās the option to let me NOT work double as hard, I should have it, because Iām already working double as hard JUST TO SURVIVE!!
Why do you think disabled people deserve less rest than mentally & physically abled people?
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Being disabled and a person of color is so different to being disabled and white. There's so much extra stigma and prejudice and just shit that us PoC have to go through with doctors and friends and just the world to get what we need and want.
Idk, I just don't see a lot of posts talking about what it's like being a person of color and disabled (especially when you're more dependent upon others) so, feel free to share you stories.
The whole concept of having to do personally invasive interviews and even having your family, friends, workplace members and healthcare providers etc interviewed about your life and having to have your medical records and work history and whatever else thoroughly gone through by a case worker and all this other bullshit to āprove youāre disabled enoughā for benefits is so absurdly punitive, it genuinely feels like Iām being put on trial for a crime I didnāt commit. But the crime is literally just being born disabled.
āOh but nondisabled people will lie about being disabled to get benefitsā I literally do not give a fuck about if a few genuine liars like that slip through the cracks here and there as long as it means itās easier for actual disabled people to get insurance and other benefits instead of having to jump through all of these ridiculously invasive and disability unfriendly hoops that inherently require a system built by nondisabled people to determine if we as disabled people ādeserveā help or not.
Disabled people deserve to have our needs met without experiencing a massive invasion of privacy.
I accept Iām mentally disabled, but I still struggle to label myself as physically disabled. I have POTS, but itās not as bad as a lot of people online have it. I have chronic pain, but idk the cause and I can still walk.
I know Iām not the worst of the worst and it feels so dumb to be complaining about this stuff when I can still go outside, yea it leaves me stuck in bed after but I can still do it right?
Iām tired.
Iām tired I canāt cook myself a meal anymore other than a sandwich or a microwave meal.
Iām tired I canāt draw or create very often anymore
Iām tired that even watching w tv episode is too much for me most days and that doom scrolling is the only thing I can do because it doesnāt require brain power to process everything.
Iām tired that I canāt go on a walk anymore and that even in my wheelchair going outside is fucking exhausting and it means that even though I have no food in to have dinner, Iām too tired to even go pick up food at the corner shop.
Im tired that I just spent a week with a friend and the whole time I was horrendously flaring, straight up thinking I had Covid because of how horrible I felt, and most of the time all we were doing was sitting there watching tv and that was just too much for my body to recover ???
Iām tired that even if I took my pain away Iād still just be as disabled because of my fatigue.
I hate that I know I shouldnāt push myself yet I still do because if I didnāt I would literally be doing nothing but then it means I am literally doing nothing the rest of the time- itās like I flare even if Iām doing nothing itās great.
I want to scream to the fucking sky about how shit it feels. I want someone to tell me hey yeah this really fucking sucks and this isnāt living and itās okay you feel this way. I want the support I need and I canāt get it because of my living situation.
Iāve gone away for my mental health and instead itās me getting worse because Iām alone and I canāt even get up to make a sandwich because it means I have to put on a binder and other steps because Iām in shared accommodation.
Iām also just, making things worse with people by being upset with them all because I just want someone to be there for me but then I donāt ask them to be there for me because Iām scared? Make it make sense lol
I donāt know sorry for the ramble I just need to get it out my system
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šÆļø my chronically ill mother constantly expects everyone to be mindful of her disability, and that's fair enough, but she cannot fucking do the same thing for others. like fuck off dude. i'm having an episode. eat rocks actually. why do you expect everyone to follow your condition meticulously but you don't extend that same treatment to others. why do i have to angrily remind you, after multiple prompts, that i cannot empty the dishwasher today. get someone else to do it, just this once. notably someone who is not disabled. i rarely ask you for anything
TW: sex talk, dating apps, unhealthy/protenitally worse sexual realtionships, loneliness, disabled grief
I hate how because I no longer have a car, and because Iām not working due to recovering from top surgery, that I am so absolutely isolated.
I hate how hard it has became to make friends. Genuine on god friends. Iāve done the dating apps thing because I wanted friends and also was just horny. I have started to realize now, after a couple of months that the only people consistently talking to me are people who just ask for new nudes and shit and tbh Iām too physically and mentally drained for it. I have like one or two actual friends that I made via dating apps but they donāt live in consistent hang out distance driving wise, much less in atp just what I can do with my electric wheelchair. Like it has gotten to the point to where I was willing to let some fucking 40 year old cis dude fuck me just to feel something. Iāve had people pressure me a lot into trying to touch myself out in public when I didnāt feel comfortable. Way too many people are willing to ignore my few hard nos for kink.
Iāve tried making friends irl as well but itās been a fucking nightmare. I go to my classes at my local community college. I strike up a conversation, bond a little, offer my discord. It works! I talk on and off with them for a couple of weeks. They go quiet. I reach out a couple of weeks later just to check since I get it burn out or whatever and then itās just. Ghosted.
It just sucks. I want a friend group so bad. My QPPās friends came over for a couple of days and rhat was the happiest I had been in ages no mental health meds required.
I just. I just want fucking friends rhat I can be in person with and game and play board games and go thrifting with and have that consistently. I want a friend group. Idk what to do. All of my friend making strategies as an autisic person have gone out the window. My pins and keychains I would use to signal my interests and fandoms and chase away apolitical people? Theyāre gone now- completely burnt after a car fire. I donāt have money, I donāt have a way to get around and the public tranist here is actual garbage and costs money as well.
I yearn for human connection but alas Iām aromantic, and disabled, and political and live in an area with poor infrastructure and fuck idk if Iām even going to be able to return back to work atp. Iām so scared of being homeless but my body is just. Not doing anything anymore. My PT suspects ME/CFS and it keeps getting worse and worse and I just. I want a life back. I finally live on my own. And all I do is lay in bed and be in pain. Fuck this man I hate this.
I will say if you would be willing to, I do have a GoFundMe going to help me get a wheelchair accessible van and to cover some costs of living and would really appreciate it if you donated or shared.
