cackling about the idea of shane and ilya getting separated on the bench from time to time and the public thinks "oooh, trouble in paradise? the rivalry rearing its head again?? hollander getting fed up with rozanov??"
and the truth is that the team was playing against someone ilya and/or shane ESPECIALLY hates, which means shane was dropping the most vicious, lethal reads known to man and making ilya crack tf up to the point that they were attracting attention and the coach was just afraid of someone reading lips and getting them all in trouble
and signficantly, the three person buffer between them just keeps shane from SAYING his comments
he and ilya are still leaning forward and backward to look at each other and exchange "mhm" "mhm" looks that still make it clear they're still communicating their thoughts perfectly fine
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one underrated concept that comes with Yuna being more involved in Ilya's life (especially if we go with the idea of her managing him too) is her looking through his old financial records and just seeing these stupendous amounts of unlabelled, mysterious money just be sent off to Russia with shocking regularity for YEARS.
what does she think here?? depends on your perspective on her, but anything from "he owes money to the Russian mob" to "oh FUCK he absolutely has a Russian baby".
and imagine Ilya has only just started to properly earn her trust and affection, he's still a new and shocking addition to their family, and just as he's about to cement his place there, THIS happens.
(also credit where credits are due, this is absolutely inspired by this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78863991/chapters/206836991
Rookie Ilya asking Rookie Shane how much does he weight (how many pounds or kilograms) at the hotel gym and Shane tells him the number but he is like ???
AND THEN ILYA STARTS DOING WEIGHTED HIP THRUSTS WITH THE EXACT SAME WEIGHT THAT SHANE TOLD HIM AND HE IS ALL SWEATY AND JUST LOOKS AT SHANE AND GOES ;)
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laughing about the idea of shane just being fucking Over It on round 20349898 of getting asked about if he ever let ilya beat him in a game and his media coaching slipping enough for him to just deadpan, "have you heard how annoying he is when he wins? you think i would ever let that happen on purpose?"
I know, I know, I’m cottage episode posting again, but I just want to live in the space right before Ilya kisses Shane for the first time. Shane looks so happy and so content but also so hungry and eager. He’s used to longing for Ilya and that’s been its own kind of torment, but now things are shifting and the longing turns to anticipation because any second now Ilya is going to kiss him and he doesn’t have to stop kissing him for a whole two weeks!! And it’s plain on Shane’s face that he knows it and he wants it, like he licks his lips and doesn’t look away from Ilya’s mouth, and he’s got this small contented smile but his eyes are all hazy. The moment is quiet but I just know that Shane’s mind is running he’s here he’s here he’s going to kiss me oh my god please kiss me now please please please.
Loads of Hollanov fics have them getting walked in on while making out etc which is great
But I’d love a fic where one or both of Shane’s parents drop by the cottage for phone charger/laundry pod reasons and find Shane snuggled on the couch fast asleep on Ilya’s chest and that’s how they find out
They’re dressed in soft casual clothes, sleeping like the dead and wrapped around each other like vines and Ilya’s hand is in Shane’s hair and Shane looks so so comfortable and relaxed
Meanwhile his parents are staring slack-jawed at the sight of their son using his archenemy the Russian Rage Machine as a teddybear/pillow
Boston and Montreal are at the same club. They're at different tables, but they were all sat in the VIP section - it's a little more secluded, offers the facsimile of privacy more than anything - and the Boston boys are loud, loud enough to be heard even over the thumping bassline of the music. Loud enough for Shane to hear them from where he's sitting in the corner of his booth, nursing his drink.
"Okay, best lay. Go."
"Sorry fellas, I'm a gentleman - I don't kiss and tell."
"That means you have nothing to tell, Connors?"
"Suck my fat one, Lenny."
"And become your best lay? Pass."
"For me, it was twins. In Vegas."
"Yeah, their names were right and left, surname hand. Gimme a break."
"Ye of little faith!"
"Ey, there's nothing little about me, bud. Just ask my best lay - Laura Steeler."
"What, the chick from the car commercials?"
"Oh yeah."
"No wonder she was your best lay, Petey - she was the only one of the poor girls you picked up who could act."
Raucous, jeering laughter drowns out Peterson's objections. It doesn't drown our Marleau's voice, clear and sly:
"We all know who Rozanov's best lay is."
Like they'd rehearsed it, the Boston Raider's all cry out in lilting sing-song unison: "Montreal Jane!"
Shane stops breathing. His skin goes hot, then cold, prickling, his hair standing on end. There's no way. He must have heard it wrong, there was no way-
"Now why are you limp dick losers talking about my best girl?"
Shane has to shut his eyes. This is not happening, surely. Ilya Rozanov is not swaggering up to the next table, calling Shane his - his -
"Ayyye, Cap. We were just talking about our top fucks."
"Ah, I see. You all had nothing to offer so you had to talk about my conquests, I understand."
Boos briefly follow.
"No but seriously, Cap. Yours has gotta be Jane, right?"
Rozanov hums, slow, indulgent, like he's savouring something. "Mmmh yes. My Jane."
Some catcalls follow, lurid. Shane's pulse is in his throat, thumping thumping thumping. He stares out into the throng of writhing bodies on the dancefloor, unblinking.
"Yeah okay so you love banging this chick, but that still doesn't answer the question: what was your best fuck with her."
Rozanov's laughter is rolling, incredulous. "This I cannot answer - no, no it is true!" He adds when he's met with crows of denial, "My Jane, she is always surprising me. She is crazy for my cock. You would not understand what this is like, for a girl to want your dick so bad she is biting your belt buckle."
It's like getting shoved in the solar plexus, hard. Boston's jeering rises but it doesn't dim the memory - they hadn't seen each other in weeks, and it was coming off of summer besides, and Shane had felt like he was on fire, like he'd die if he didn't get Rozanov's cock inside him now now right fucking now, and in his desperate rush, mouthing his way across denim, over Rozanov's zipper, he'd clipped his teeth against -
"I call bull. No way she's that easy for it."
"Oh, but she is," Rozanov's voice is inescapable, like he's whispering straight into Shane's ear, "I go to eat her out and I can already work three fingers inside - she opened herself up for me in the shower because she needs it so bad."
That's not fair, Shane thinks dizzily over Boston's whooping, that wasn't the same night as the belt thing.
Ilya is still talking, rapturous now:
"- but it does not matter if she does not open herself up before I get there because the way this girl gets wet for me? Oh my god, she is like - like faucet, just dripping, always, making a mess in her little panties -"
And suddenly Shane is standing, uncaring if the movement is obvious through the dim lights of the club. He's weaving, stumbling his way to the bathroom. Jesus, people probably think he's wasted what with the way he's walking, but he doesn't care, he doesn't care about anything apart from getting behind a locked stall door right fucking now.
When the lock clicks shut, Shane is scrambling for his pants. He's so hard he's throbbing, hot to touch. And he's - he's dripping, all down his shaft, down to his fucking balls, making a mess of his -
Panties, Shane hears in Rozanov's indolent drawl, and he puts his fist in his mouth and bites down, hard.
It's enough to muffle his noises, if not the shwick shwick shwick of his hand jacking his cock.
It's enough so that he doesn't miss the door handle of the bathroom turning.
Shane's hand doesn't (can't) stop working, neck arching as it flies over his dick, but he's not worried, not really.
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"shane wouldn't use lotion because he's a jock and also that would seem Too Gay" WRONG. myshane cannot tolerate the feeling of having dry skin. the mere thought of his dry skin brushing up against the fabric of his pants has him wanting to just rip his skin off entirely, actually
imagining shane hanging out with his parents and while he's away from his phone doing something with his dad a call comes in. yuna sees this and goes, "shane, someone's calling you!"
and shane says, "who is it?"
"lily!"
"oh." shane immediately sets aside what he's doing and walks over, saying to his mom, "that's ilya."
yuna looks at him in confusion as he picks up his phone. "why is ilya saved as 'lily' in your phone?"
and shane looks at her, away, shrugs as if it's obvious and simply says, "I can't have ilya rozanov saved on my phone, mom" before answering the call with a, "hey, baby" and walking away.
leaving yuna (and david) standing shocked and, once again, shaken at how little they knew about their son and the layers of concealment he's had to operate under for years just to love who he loves.
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there’s only one thing more powerful than shane hollander’s weird orthorexic diet and it’s the way his praise kink goes brrrrr when ilya tells him he’s a good boy for eating a slice of cake (or maybe two or three)
ep 1 of heated rivalry when the announcers narrate that canada struggled to find their identity (shane not knowing he's gay) and they couldn't get past russia's defense (ilya's walls) but "ilya rozanov kept getting past theirs"
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