slowly healing

when fiona apple asked “how can i ask anyone to love me when all i do is beg to be left alone”. well i have not found an answer but if anyone else has lmk

when you think about it it's just kind of crazy how you can be neglected and abused your whole childhood instead of experiencing a brief moment of being taken care of while learning how to be a person, and then once you're an adult it's like ok now i'm still essentially raising myself in a shitty situation but this time my adult peers are like mad at me because i'm not as emotionally healthy as them, and on top of that i still have to save my own life

and it's not that i expect to be rescued it's that i'm tired of having to save myself

also sick of being condescendingly told "nobody's coming to save you, you have to save yourself" as if i'm not painfully aware of that as i have been doing this shit my whole life but i just want somewhere safe to rest momentarily without my life falling apart

not to be dramatic but sometimes i feel like i don't belong anywhere on this earth like maybe all there is for me is perpetual loneliness + constant desire to go back to a place that doesn’t exist anymore

“the possibility of rejection is essential to forming deep relationships with people” - chanté joseph for british vogue