i'm not that tired.

let’s all quit our jobs and just go on walks

skipping the ad isn't enough...... i need to banish it. i need to murder it. i need to stab it to death. i need to blow it the fuck up.

its thursday! reblog this post if you dont want to feel this way forever!

Getting high on open window air

this is a hammer in my pocket actually But i am always happy to see you

i am banned from eating my herring inside. they make me eat it on the smoking area by the loading dock, under the theory that it already smells bad there. but it was raining today which was preventing my breakfast, so i was feeling sad and hungry and then i realized that there was a large cardboard box in the dumpster from a previous delivery. like a fridge sized box. so i fished it out of the dumpster, then tipped it on its side and had a nice little cardboard cave to watch the rain and eat my fish in. which was a great experience. very soothing. very zen. at least until the security guard from the day before stepped outside to smoke. then i tried hiding from him by crawling deeper in the box, which unfortunately did not work. instead he saw a sort of damp sniveling pale hairless creature eating fish in a box, and delivered the verbal killshot of "good morning, mr. smeagol." which is how my day was ruined before 8 am.

just had a really stable moment where i opened a redbull at the exact same second someone started playing industrial music in the apartment below and i briefly thought it was coming from inside the redbull can

what are many or several of you on about.

The most horrifying thing about being a human is that no matter how intelligent you are or how much customer service training you have, nothing will stop you from being the idiot customer on occasion. At some point you won't read a sign or you'll misread a menu or ask the dumbest question a human has ever formed and there is nothing you can do to prevent this. It will happen. Accept it and continue on your way as one of today's dipshit customers.

"There's millions of Tumblr users" to you. To me there's only about 12 and we all reblog the same five posts from each other

if we ignore all the stuff that's gone wrong ive kind of had nothing but wins

you’ll often find people make up rules for themselves and then get upset when nobody else lives by them