I'm working on it

In the time that I worked at Walmart, I was absolutely drained of all will to exist. I 1.) learned how not to give a shit and have a panic attack at the same time, 2.) learned how to sleep in the icecream freezer because no one wanted to be in the icecream freezer so I was assured that no one would bother me, and 3.) memorized the trailer for The Swan Princess Christmas. And I was being paid seven dollars an hour to do it. It was that bad. Seeing this post reminds me of the time that I’d seen this happen once. I had clocked out and was about to head home and caught a customer rearranging the $5 DVD bin up in electronics. At first I wanted to see if she needed help finding a certain movie because I’m a pushover like that, but I saw that she had neat little stacks of Home Alone in one pile and Mrs. Doubtfire in another, and I was so mesmerized I had to stand there at a distance, stealth-watching from the toddlers clothes section like I was a church mouse watching Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel. She was probably in her late teens to mid twenties? A messy bun and oversized sweater and a cup from the Subway in the front of the Walmart. I was in my work clothes, hair hidden in my backwards hat and I probably had cake frosting from the bakery caked on my shirt and arms. Halfway through she caught me watching. We were like two cryptids who’d found each other and were now caught in a weird existential crisis. She got embarrassed and apologized and I just waved my hand like “no please I’m off the clock, organize to your hearts content. No one here’s gonna stop you” and I walked off because honestly I was just as embarrassed for watching and not saying anything for what felt like ten minutes. I came in the next morning and checked the electronics section out of curiosity, and saw not only the DVDs had been organized, but also the blurays. I never saw her again.

Emotional Isolation is when you go out with your friends and realize you’re the least important of the group, not because you aren’t talkative or you don’t exist “hard enough.” It’s not for lack of going out, texting back, ect. It’s because you don’t know how to open up and make deep connections anymore because of how people have betrayed your trust.

Emotional Isolation is something that goes 100% unnoticed and often is never mentioned. It’s painful and you cry alone only to wish someone was there. When you call someone to talk, you end up avoid the problem all together or when you talk about it you’re caught up in how “strong” you have to be, or they just quietly listen and you take that as their boredom.

You can talk about the things that have happened to you as though they were gossip, and even talk about the basic feelings of sadness you felt. You can’t discuss why it made you feel “bad,” or what “bad,” even means. You just lump it together into some underrated wording so you don’t have to discuss how truly painful life is because you think they’ll leave or betray you after opening up.

It’s having a best friend for 3 years and almost never opening up to her. It’s feeling thousand foot walls between you and the people you try becoming friends with. It’s not knowing how to flirt or get into a relationship because you fear rejection, because you know you’ll have to deal with it 100% alone.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO ?????