#im good

men don't be fucking creepy and gross challenge: failed

blocked 🚫

Im Finally In Love

I’ve been contemplating writing something like this for a few months. I feel like I finally got the story book love that I have been waiting for all my life. I would be lying if I said it's exactly what I dreamed of though. I love my person and what we have but the way we met and how our relationship started is definitely less than desirable. 

I am not a perfect person by any means and I never would expect anyone else to be, but I feel like I placed an unreasonable expectation on myself to be some sort of saint my entire life. Don’t get me wrong I believe everyone should try to be compassionate and empathetic to others in their life but it's unrealistic to think that you're never going to make mistakes and hurt others. I’ve never been the kind of person to disregard anyone’s feelings, even when I’m not a fan of theirs, but I really did it this time. I feel like I struggled a lot with my feelings for myself because I actually tried so hard to not hurt anyone’s feelings and it's so disheartening that the main narrative about the situation that happened was that I never cared about this person that I hurt. It doesn’t matter what I tried to do, what my intentions were, or what I wanted to happen because at the end of the day that person did get hurt by words and actions. It was a really horrible thing to do and I decided that it would be ok for one time in my life to make a selfish decision. Guys please never do that shit lol. 

I don’t want to get too much into all the details because a lot of them don’t matter. I had a lot of reasons for doing what I did and even though a lot of people were telling me that I didn’t do anything wrong, I don’t necessarily agree with them. Being this messy and selfish was a really hard thing to do actually I seriously don’t recommend it. There is such a push on social media for people to not do anything for others, keep to themselves, and to always be selfish but I think that’s so horrible. I genuinely believe in giving to others and doing hard things for people. It pays to be a good person even if you don't reap physical rewards for it. The satisfaction you get from being nice is infinitely better than being mean in my opinion. The point is… I am not going to let this one situation define me.

My lover is the sweetest. I was always amazed by how kind a soul he is to everyone who crosses his path, and how he protects his people when the time calls for it. We’ve been learning how to be better people together and I would never regret getting to know him even if (God forbid) things sour. You never know what will happen in the future but I’m confident I found my person. He makes me feel like I am magic. I feel like he is magic too. The way I never knew someone like him could actually exist and that anyone could make me feel the way he makes me feel. I always felt so dumb growing up waiting on something that probably doesn't exist. Right when I gave up life got complicated and I discovered feelings I prayed I would feel for anyone but him. He was never mine to look at and I was genuinely ok. He gave me hope that maybe there are people who think like me and I just have to wait to find mine, not thinking that they were right in my face. I definitely could’ve been more patient and maybe things would've started a little easier with a lot less grief but everything happens for a reason. 

mentally and physically tuff

one of my favorite fanfic authors just read and commented on my zukka fic (ya know the one i over thought so fucking much that i wrote a textbook for 🤦🏻)