yapping blog

So a while back I asked Twitter/bsky “Hey transfemmes (or anyone vaguely adjacent) what’s a non-medical thing you wish someone had told you sooner in your transition that you know now?” And got the following answers:

-For Black transfemmes in particular - Everyone’s care tends to be different, but for mine (between 3c/4a depending) I wash and detangle 1x/w with argan oil shampoo/conditioner and curly detangler brush, sleep in silk bonnet. Knowing roughly what hair type you have will help you find more care, find what’s closest from the following, but you may be between!

-Buy a pumice stone for your feet bc moisturizer alone isnt enough

-Go to an esthetician and ask for your eyebrows “cleaned up a bit”

-“More companies make different undershades of orange concealers, incl pinkier ones, at all price points. They can be used for all pigmentation, dark eye circles, shadow from hair growth etc. Your horomonal chemistry changing means softer scents smell different w long wear now!”

-“If you a newbie, neutral shimmer that matches your lids swiped up to your brows + light mascara brightens up the face w/out requiring a ton of skill/cash”

-“Use Lotion! Using a mild college girl scent will be good for your confidence and will ensconce the impression of "busy girl"”

-“You don't need as aggressive shampoo/conditioner/holding product. Trim your ends or your hair won't get longer. Cute hairpins + scrunchies are widely avail at walmart, daiso etc and can help pull together a casual look, and specialty designs can be found via Etsy”

-“Consider buying even one simple hairband for keeping hair/bangs out of face even when hair is in the awkward short-long stage while you do stuff like clean. “

-If you have curly/coiled hair texture look for larger silk scrunchies as smaller ones tangle in our hair easier!!

-“look, sad-lil babytrans asciicat, you'll never figure out how people have money to do all the things to be so pretty - don't even sweat it, just buy a bunch of cheap skater skirts and feel free to lose yourself in the joy of wearing them.”

-“Glasses help a lot to feminize the face. As always, there are exceptions but delicate round glasses help this. Take a lot of pics to find your favorite angles, raise your head and/or try not to slouch in your pics, posing and posture is everything”

-“one of my biggest self love discoveries: just take the damn selfie. even if you feel gross, just take it - you'll like it in a few weeks. also it's okay to have favorite parts of your body. take pics of it often”

-“That nothing more transformative for my self-image than just doing makeup/changing what kind of clothes I wear. First time I properly got to wear a dress in public, and later when I first did my own makeup, it really hit and stuck that I am a woman. And not a bad-looking one.”

-“if you not super confident with makeup, but want to start wearing it, it's ok to start small. try glosses. practicing simple eyelining. a dash of mascara. "less is more" is a great rule for makeup in general, and it's ok to take time to find a look that best suits your face”

-“Snug period undies usually have a wide gusset and extra layers of material, making them a good (and much cheaper) alternative to gaff undies for tucking”

-“Ask a fashionable friend with a sense of style you admire to go clothes shopping with you, to help you find items that fit your frame. Barring that, keep in mind that high waisted pants and dresses are typically a good place to start”

-“poise and posture and movement are a huge part of presentation and can be incredibly empowering but also really painful”

-“- eye cream. invest in the future

- non-comedogenic lotion (especially after shaving) for less ingrown hairs/happier skin

- eye makeup BEFORE foundation

- halter necklines are very kind to strong shoulder silhouettes

- crossover dresses have more play in fit than many options”

-“Accept well meant advice, but never let anyone tell you what is and isn't 'ladylike'. Also, Venus razors with those thick moisturizing blocks are magic when it comes to shaving any part of your body.”

-“Glasses are huge. Go bold; folks are gonna notice you anyway, it might as well be for something you chose. Get a haircut, even if you're growing your hair out. Hairdressers are wizards, and the shaping can make you look more feminine even if your hair's still shorter.”

-“I am cis but I come to you from years in the large women's shoes trenches, that you do not suffer as I have: Nordstrom Rack. Watch the calendar for the Large Shoe Event they have like twice a year. Zappos and its outlet 6pm are also pretty good, and Rothy's has extended sizes. Toms and Madewell also go up to size 12. Toms is known for the simple canvas flats but they also have cute,high-quality leather sandals and booties!”

-“if something gives you gender euphoria, DO IT, and do it a lot! you’ll quickly lose the initial rush of euphoria, but it will help you feel centered and whole. for me, nail polish and comfy dresses were super helpful for feeling feminine all the time”

-“curly/coily-haired cuties most likely already know but sleeping with a bonnet has been a game changer. as a straight-haired girlie, it keeps my hair from tugging as i toss and turn in my sleep, from getting sweaty, and my scalp doesnt get sore like sleeping in a bun/pony does”

-“the big ones for me:

1. you dont have to do makeup most days

2. you dont have to dress hyperfemme

3. washing your hair every day is not good

4. if you're confident enough, people wont question your gender”

-“This is so basic (and not directly trans related) but no-one ever told me to use body lotion as a kid. I distinctly remember asking friends how to deal with body acne, and I got tips for exfoliating, but I guess they just assumed I knew lotion was a thing already”

-“if a piece of costume jewelry or metal hardware in a piece of clothing doesn’t agree with your skin you can put a layer or two of clear nail polish top coat on the offending object”

Thank you for the ask which lets me talk about SSSCRH (the version I read was titled 'Suicide Hunter', which tbh I like more - no beating around the bush).

It's hard to draw an accurate comparison since I'm going off just the webtoon for SSSCRH, while I'm going off both the webtoon and the webnovel for ORV. And I love ORV, ORV is my media blorbo right now, it hydraulic presses my brain, I am writing ORV fanfic - it's, like, funner to enjoy. But SSSRH is just better. In the vast majority of ways it is is better. It's better than the holy trinity by a wide margin. TW talk of suicide obviously.

I can't believe I'm saying this but you need a basic understanding of Buddhism in order to understand SSSCRH. It's not about Gongja's suicides - he doesn't suicide from depression or lack of self-esteem. SSSCRH is about suffering in the Buddhist sense - dukkha. I don't want to make this an essay, so I might reblog this with more information, but extremely shortly:

The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism is the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering. You've heard that Buddhists say 'life is suffering'. To put it one way that doesn't require defining a lot of words: the cause of suffering is experiencing the world as we percieve it instead of how it truly is. Suffering isn't just being miserable and in pain, and life isn't suffering because life sucks and global warming exists and people voted for Trump. Life is suffering because we can experience beautiful and joyful moments in this world, but we do not exist in the moment of that happiness or place our ego/'self' between us and that happiness. Living in that moment, accepting the moment as it is unconditionally, is freedom from suffering. The Buddha tries to free people from suffering through teaching Buddhism.

"What does this have to do with the webnovel and manwha about a guy murdering himself thousands of times" it has everything to do with it. Because SSSCRH is about suffering, and it is about using suffering as a tool in order to experience a world unfiltered by ego and break down the artificial boundaries between human beings. Suffering in SSSCRH is not a bad thing. Gongja has the unique capability to (reincarnate.) experience a person's suffering in unity with them, which dissolves the delusion of separation between people and puts us in touch with the reality of oneness.

The Murim arc was fucking insane because Gongja pulls a Big Bodhisattva Move and walks through the suffering of the world in order to achieve full understanding of the human experience. He takes all of the suffering of the world into himself and is liberated. You can tell it's Buddhist because death was not presented as a bad thing - death was an aspect of a happy ending for the Heavenly Demon lady, because she was finishing her life according to her own joy, and because her teachings were passed on she did not truly die.

But the purpose of embracing suffering is to discover the ability to fully embrace life, and that's where Heavenly Demon's teachings were incomplete - as the ghost dude said, Gongja hasn't even experienced his own full life and the infinite capability for his own happiness. You can only feel the depths of sadness when you've felt the depths of happiness. Sadness deserves its place in the world and it can strengthen you, but so does happiness.

Gongja is attention-seeking, envious, and unbelievably petty. When he drills down into his own desires and why he wants the things he wants, you see that he has a very strong sense of justice and right and wrong - he realizes he doesn't want to be famous, he wants to be acknowledged, but on an even deeper level he is desperate for love and to be loved. Everything he does is to experience love, and as such he learns to love others. His love for the Flamey Asshole was purely parasocial and ego-filled, with no concern for who he was as a human. Throughout the manwha, he grows to care for people as they truly are and pierce through any delusions or misleading outward appearances. He has released all attachment to life and death, and as such does not fear death, and as such has taken a step on the road towards becoming a Boddhisatva who frees others from the cycle of samsara, and as a result has learned sick sword techniques and is sooo good at beating people up.

I think the only other thing I want to mention here because otherwise this is an essay: in almost every time loop/regression story, only the final regression matters. In stories with dungeon monsters and NPCs, only the humans matter. The regressor exists in a space where there are no consequences for their actions, so they act terribly and do whatever because none of it matters. In Groundhog Day Bill Murray acts like an asshole because he can. That's not the case here. Everything Gongja does matters. The NPCs are fake, but Gongja never treats them as anything less than real people who deserve life. Once he understands a person's life he never treats them as unimportant. No loop is thrown away and no person or life is disregarded. His choices matter, the way he treats others matters, and Gongja never treats anybody as if they don't matter except for himself.

That was not short. There is a lot more. The female characters are so good and so rich. From a craft perspective it is excellently paced and has a wonderful sense of set-up/payoff and balances tone and maintains a lot of momentum, which is really hard in a time loop story. You have to do a few very specific things to write OP characters well and SSSCRH does it very well. There's more to say from a craft perspective and it's hard to judge accurately from a webtoon but it's good. I was so strangely struck the entire time about how sincere and genuine it was, how it said what it said with no trace of irony of confusion, and I think that's what stuck with me the most.

Kim Gongja from SSS-Class Suicide Hunter

Role: Regressor

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Submitted by Tournament Submitter

WN Men Tournament:

"Everything was unfair. I could have lived a better life. I had the right to live a better life. But, I also made three mistakes: Died by mistake. Lived making mistakes. Born by mistake. Was everything a mistake since birth?”

Mod Propaganda:

⚠️ Suicide cw, early spoilers ⚠️

I've only read, like, 50 or so chapters of the manhwa a long time ago, but early Kim Gongja is stuck to my soul. An F-rank hunter with envy so strong, he receives an S+ skill from The Tower that lets him copy the skill of anyone who kills him, and after being killed by a regressor (the Flame Emperor he desperately envied) whose skill turns back time 24 hours, kills himself over 4,000 times just to kill him back 11 years in the past (before he awakened).

I want to crumple him up and spit him out like gum (affectionate). His jealousy and bitterness compels me. One of his first friends beheaded him because he thought he was a mass-murderer (they made up 🙂). He just arggggggg

Mukoda Tsuyoshi from Tondemo Skill

Role: Transmigrator

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