the moon is crumbling but that's okay

“Now, bear in mind,” *I pause, allowing time for you to visualize the bear*

the position of the mischevious pig marks the hours

if i dont respond to a message from you i can basically guarantee its not because i dislike you. im just getting attacked by imps and shit all the time genuinely.

when the fanartist draws ur ship growing old together but you lowkey envisioned them as dying tragically at 27 after a 5 year substance abuse spiral 😭😭😭

stop letting miserable people on the internet convince you that you must have a concrete, well-constructed opinion on everything that has ever existed.

everybody say thank you Marcus Aurelius

Do it scared but please don't do it hungry. Please don't do it dehydrated. It's gonna make it so much scarier. Please.

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Sometimes your bad coworker will be like "I can't do anything right & I ruin everything I touch :(" and you can't even comfort them because like damn. Yeah. You really can't do anything right and you do ruin everything you touch☝️

HE'S GETTING FIRED. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS!!!!!!!!!!

every evening i run to move the deodorant can on my desk from its spot when the sun gets near it because i have visions of it exploding from the heat of the sun and also igniting the nearby bottle of nail polish remover causing a giant fire in my room that kills me like im a final destination character

other ways i think i would probably die in a final destination movie: - dough hook on stand mixer flies off while kneading and stabs me in the head - accidentally inhaling bong water and somehow drowning - bus crash on the way to dublin airport sends me flying over o'connell street and i am impaled on the spire - i fall into the sea and can't swim back up due to large heavy statement earrings - electrocuted by my nintendo ds while playing pokemon during a thunderstorm

no, that last one is how you end up transported into a pokemon game and can't escape until you defeat the champion trainer who is played by the same actor who plays your dad