let your hands be the last to hold her.

i think "[sic]" is one of the funniest things of literature. like yeah this guy really wrote it out like that

For the uninitiated, you write [sic]—literally "this" or "so" in latin—to indicate that you haven't altered the wording or spelling. While it can be used to preserve a joke misspelling (aminals) or indicate that you know it looks weird (the Toronto Maple Leafs), it is also the most biting three letters that you can throw at a motherfucker who should know better.

Somebody made an error here and it sure wasn't me (derogatory)

you will have coworkers more incompetent than you could even dream of

Fuuuuck dude I got drunk last night and tried to take down the villain on my own and now he’s texting me some ‘I’m the only one allowed to defeat you’ shit bro what do I do

Man he just yelled ‘I want him alive’ to his goons, it’s so over.

5 dead and 27 wounded in difficult conversation with mom

The most horrifying thing about being a human is that no matter how intelligent you are or how much customer service training you have, nothing will stop you from being the idiot customer on occasion. At some point you won't read a sign or you'll misread a menu or ask the dumbest question a human has ever formed and there is nothing you can do to prevent this. It will happen. Accept it and continue on your way as one of today's dipshit customers.

god didn't give me a dick because he knew I'd get hard when I heard a rich choral harmony

‘the protagonist should be endearing and relatable’ the protagonist should make the audience scream and start banging on the one-way glass of the fourth wall. the protagonist should burn their entire life down and make the world’s worst sandcastle from the ashes. if they aren’t the cause of at least 50% of their own problems what are we doing here

[sluttily rests my wrist on the pommel of my sword] hi