IF YOU ARE UNMARRIED, DON'T HAVE KIDS, AND HATE YOUR PARENTS PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE A FUCKING WILL
this has been a public service announcement from your friendly neighborhood probate lawyer
Again:
1. The law doesn't care how long your parents and family have been out of your life
2. The law doesn't care about your long term friends or "found family"
If you don't have legal documents that say otherwise, your biological family calls all the shots.
This goes especially for LGBTQ+. Please do not get deadnamed in your obituary.
Also- your funeral proceedings are separate from a will. A will deals with dividing your estate (property), but your body isn’t property, so just putting “I want X to be in charge of my funeral” in your will won’t always save you (but it doesn’t hurt). Most states do have legislation that allows you to legally name someone as the person primarily responsible for your body, and you should put your funeral plans in writing and get them notarized. If a transphobic family tries to fight your friend over the funeral you want, most courts will uphold written wishes from the deceased. There are exceptions- a named agent can weasel out of your funerary wishes if they’re deemed financially extravagant or absurd, and never underestimate the systemic bigotry of the court system. But it’s a really decent protection.
(also don’t name someone to this position without having a serious conversation first. A lot of the protection you’re getting here is assuming they know and will fight your family/next-of-kin for your body. And putting that on someone with 0 warning is a bad idea)
Friendly Internet Mortician Caitlin Doughty has a handy guide on what you should do to protect yourself postmortem for trans folks (and anyone else really needing to make sure their family is not the one in charge of their body) here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVgumSUZQRI

























