enterprising young wizards

he’s cured

actually if you look at the heart monitor hes flat lining

Gotta die somehow.

A miracle

My body is ready.

I know it’s mashed potatoes and gravy but is it bad that I thought it was ice cream and caramel?

fucking what

Y’all bullied someone straight off tumblr bc of mashed potatoes lmao

i just had an experience i dont think anyone else on earth has ever had before where i saw a tumblr ad and thought “wow that seems interesting i want to check that out” (it was an ad for a new method of learning to speak welsh) and for the first time in human history i actually intentionally clicked on an ad on tumblr to see more information about a product and the fucking link it had embedded was broken and didnt work

Um no offense but why doesn’t anyone memorize passages from books and then recite them aloud for everyone at parties anymore.

We memorize vines, the office, and John mulaney segments instead, war has changes but humanity has not

Reminder that film critics think Bolt is a better animated movie than El Dorado

my great-grandfather had to leave italy in the 20′s because he hit a fascist with a tuba, so if you think I am going to take this sitting down you are going to have to catch these hands and also this tuba

Fun story my Great Great Grandma left Germany in the 1920s because she had family in the US and could get citizenship pretty easily and once she was over in the US she then smuggled over 15 jewish families out by forging family documents so now my aunts are currently in the process of trying to tell the real ones from the fake ones because my great gran just died and there are legally over 100 surviving descendants but we know that math is a lil screwy.

Sometimes a family is you, your kids, your grandkids, your great grandkids, and the 15 Jewish families you helped smuggle out of Nazi Germany.

And your tuba

idc if u like winter or autumn or whatever nothing tops summer evenings when the sun hasnt fully set and the air is still warm but theres a light breeze and everything is getting more quiet except for the birds and crickets and its a perfect time to go on a walk and just breathe

hey op where dp you live bc it sure ain’t like this in australia

Eating fruit is okay

source?

That banana is holding her hostage

i like when you’re in the grocery store and you see people buying eggs because they always pick up the carton and then open it like it’s a metal briefcase full of cash involved in a drug deal and they’re confirming it’s money. “don’t bother counting it, it’s all there. 12.” then they always pick one up and inspect it like, “yeah, it’s grade A alright…the real deal.” 

People are checking to see if any of the eggs are cracked you walnut