today i got nostalgic. it ran back to all my old haunts. everywhere i learned to write, everywhere i learned about my own heart, everyone i learned it from, all the love stories i saw unfold in real life, all the groups of people i saw scatter and intermingle.
and in no small part, all the people over all the years who contributed to defanging me, the awkward feral girl who fell in love much too easily and clung far too hard and hurt people (because i did and i won't look away from that, it is part of my tapestry and it has to be because i cannot be the self who decided to trim her claws if i was not the one who hurt people before)
and i still fall in love what looks like too easily but it is because i love everyone i know and i can't be sorry for that. i have learned to make my love vaporous, i have removed all its weight but the incense is there and it always will be, i will always delight in your joy no matter how long ago we knew each other, no matter how dutifully or how little we've interacted, and i will never expect anything from you but i will remember you over and over again and hope good things for you and delight in whatever you are doing now.
and no, this love is not blind. if you hurt people the way i used to then i will hope that you find clarity and wisdom and your own love to move you away from your unkindnesses. if you have learned to unperson people then i will hope for your experiences to broaden and your mercy to grow back to spite whoever taught you to cull it
but mostly i will love you
and yes, if you're thinking 'but we only ever interacted once on some throwaway comment on someone else's post' yes this means you, i love you
