The Teifling Bard

i love that 17th century jewish poltergeist story where the family living in the haunted house calls a catholic priest for help before they contact a rabbi, because yeah, i think that would be my call too; id be like, oh? a demon in my house speaking latin and drawing inverted crosses on my wall in sulfuric bile? then without even questioning my faith i’d call up the catholic church and be like yo father, one of your boys loose come get him

“Look here pal, I know my religion, and this ain’t it. Whatever this guy is, they’re clearly from your version of things. Mind coming over to help fix things up?”

i'm like a fujoshi but for dead people

Both options convey that he's horny

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post

If it's the snack chip he might just be corny.

I also think, like... it's very sweet that whenever Vetinari is, shall we say, not feeling 100%, he likes to just have a chat with whoever's keeping an eye on him at the time. Ah, V- oh NOT Vimes, okay, and you are? Wonderful! Do you like being in the Watch? Well done. Who's that over there doing the shouting? Very good! This all seems in order, if you don't mind too much I'd like to be unconscious again now. Please let everyone know I'm not dead yet. Sorry about the carpet. Thank you so much.

The thing about this is, it's indicative of his actual character, rather than the Tyrant Persona or the general vibe he lets people assume about himself when they're working off of limited information. When he's hurt, or ill, or under the influence- whatever state he's in at the time where he physically cannot keep the evil dictator thing going- he's just cheerfully weird and very polite, and interested in other people. Ultimately I think these little unguarded moments do a lot to explain why he's doing this job in the first place, and what he might be like if he didn't feel like he had to be doing it.

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears