Random hcs you have for Sirius?
Ah, Sirius Black, the walking contradiction. Yes, I have a few thoughts about him, even though I make fun of him a lot, deep down I appreciate him. This is going to be long, but that way I can compile it all in one post.
Walburga is a Scorpio like him, which is why they clashed so much. Scorpio is one of the most intense signs of the zodiac, and both Scorpio men and women are ruthless, but Scorpio women are the alphas of the zodiac and always dominate Scorpio men.
I like this idea because I think that deep down, the reason he and his mother got along so poorly is precisely because they had terribly similar personalities, the kind that donโt let anyone control them. Sirius wasnโt going to be tamed, and Walburga wasnโt going to let her authority be questioned, so they constantly clashed.
Sirius didnโt start having problems with his mother because of any blood purity ideals or that nonsense. Sirius is much deeper than that. He started having issues with Walburga because she was very dominant and imposing, and he had a naturally rebellious character that wouldnโt accept orders from anyone. As a child, he would do the opposite of whatever his mother told him, just to annoy her.
His idea of going to Gryffindor didnโt come about until he met James on the train. I mean, he knew he wanted to annoy Walburga, and thought that becoming best friends with a โblood traitorโ would be a good way to do it. Plus, James was like him: rich and from a good family, so they would get along. If he ended up in Gryffindor, even better, because that would make his mother lose a lot of hair.
His rejection of his familyโs ideals wasnโt ideological at first, but stemmed from the need to rebel against his mother. Over time, he rationalized those ideas and turned against them, but he never delved deeper into this aspect. Thatโs why, even though he said blood purity was wrong and that the Blacks were rubbish, he still had attitudes very similar to those of his relatives, just on โthe other side.โ
As children, he and Regulus had a fairly close relationship typical of older and younger brothers, where the older one always annoys the younger one, and the younger one tells them to piss off. But Regulus never forgave him for taking his rebellion to such an extreme and always thought heโd gone too far with the whole hanging out with Potter and going to Gryffindor thing.
He didnโt have major issues with his brother until he realized Regulus was getting close to Death Eater circles and was considering joining their ranks. They had a terrible argument about this, where Regulus accused him of spending years ignoring everything and everyone because he was too busy acting like an idiot with โhis dear Potter,โ and now he wasnโt in a position to lecture him on morality, basically telling him to fuck off. Sirius would never admit that this hurt him deeply; he just told Regulus to fuck off too, and they never spoke again.
Orion Black didnโt have much of a role in that house. He just watched what happened without saying anything because he was afraid of his wife, and Sirius always resented his fatherโs attitude, considering him a useless puppet.
His biggest goal in life was to annoy his mother, which is why he covered his room with everything that could drive Walburga crazy, while Walburga would give him all sorts of orders and punishments to make him do things he hated, just to annoy him. It was basically a competition between them to see who had more power.
People often speculate that he was abused and other nonsense, which is why he left home, but I think he made the decision for something much simpler: maybe they tried to betroth him to some pure-blood woman, maybe it was at a family gathering when they announced that Regulus was going to start joining Bellatrixโs circle to join โthe cause,โ or maybe it was a way to punish his mother after a big argument. Either way, I donโt think he intended to leave forever, but once he went to the Pottersโ house and discovered what a functional family was likeโrich, where he wouldnโt lose any comfort or privilegeโhe stayed.
Walburga spent years sending him threatening letters to come back, and he spent years secretly responding, telling her to fuck off. Eventually, when he finished Hogwarts, the letters stopped arriving.
He always said his brother died because he was an idiot and got involved where he shouldnโt, and repeated that he was stupid and had it coming. But when he found out about his death, he basically had one of the biggest drinking binges of his life, and obviously told everyone at the pub, while drunk, that his brother was an idiot and deserved to be dead, while crying uncontrollably, because thatโs how Sirius Black confronts his cognitive dissonance.
He never told James that heโd done that.
Speaking of James, Sirius had a terrible dependence on him, very similar to Severusโ dependence on Lily. James was Siriusโ moral compass, and he looked up to him as an example of how he should be because, to Sirius, James was everything a pure-blood wizard should be.
He also had a crush on James that he wasnโt even aware of because he told himself it was just a brotherly attachment. In reality, he was totally obsessed with James, to the point that he got angry when James finally started dating Lily, claiming that โheโd become less fun,โ which was basically a way of saying he was really resentful because they no longer spent all their time together, but Sirius was too in denial to admit it was jealousy.
He probably couldnโt stand Lily at first, but since Sirius is a loyal dog, he ended up being the third wheel in their relationship and came to care about her a lot because he wanted everything James appreciated by association.
Contrary to popular belief, Sirius didnโt give a shit about Remus or Peter. He only hung out with them because James did, but if he could use them or manipulate them for any of his Machiavellian plans, he wouldnโt hesitate. He didnโt truly start appreciating Remus until he got out of Azkaban, and even then, he did it in a very utilitarian way, basically because he felt lonely and James was dead.
Sirius had a very classist background. He knew the theory of equality, but didnโt apply it. He never questioned his privileges and never deconstructed the elitist and sadistic mentality his family had taught him since childhood, which is why he treated Severus like garbage or was pretty inconsistent between what he said and what he actually did.
Sirius did project onto James in Harry, just like Severus did, but while Severus projected hate, Sirius projected affection. However, he was also a dysfunctional adult who couldnโt see the kid as an independent person in himself, and anyone who denies this doesnโt understand how trauma works, sorry folks.
Sirius was bisexual, though he probably didnโt even realize it, because he never wanted to admit he had a massive crush on James.
The one who got on his nerves the most was his cousin Bellatrix, who ironically, was the one who resembled him the most in terms of personality.
He said he hated Snape because he was disgusting, liked the Dark Arts, and sucked up to people like his family, which seemed inconceivable to him. But the truth is, he subconsciously hated him because an aristocrat like Sirius Black, who reveled in abandoning that world for the โgood,โ couldnโt stand to see a working-class guy daring to climb socially to the sphere he had rejected. His internalized classism made such a thing inconceivable, so he projected all his frustrations onto Snape.
James was the one who started the bullying, but Sirius was the most sadistic and violent of the two. Sometimes James had to remind Sirius that there were certain limits he couldnโt cross because no one had taught Sirius limits; in his family, sadism was encouraged.
One of the reasons he was so disturbed by being locked in his childhood house with his motherโs paintings yelling at him all the time was because he had to face the reality that she saw him (even though it wasnโt really her) as a failure. He had to come to terms with the fact that, at 36, he was only a shadow of what he once was, and his mother, the one heโd always confronted and bragged about being better and doing better without, now saw him as a wreck. That was too much for him.
Sirius Black was a smoker and died a smoker.
He had problems with alcohol in his later days.
He kept telling himself to blindly trust Dumbledore and convinced himself it was the right path, but deep down, heโd been questioning a lot of things about the old man for a while, though he never said anything out loud.
Had he been a father, heโd say heโd prefer to have a boy, but deep down, he would have been the typical โgirlsโ dadโ at heart.
Had he ever settled down, he never would have done it with a Muggle or a Muggle-born, he would have done it with a pure-blood witch from a rich family with a personality strangely similar to his motherโs. But he would have never admitted that, not in a million years.
If heโd gone to therapy, every single session, without exception, would have revolved around Walburga.
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