My Head Is An Animal

im dead at ‘in zoology science licks you’

what a big science

OWCA deadass said “yo Heinz we’re sending a platypus to kick your ass. his name is Perry xoxo”

I hate how in-character this is

oh, to be the owner of a small bookshop on a cobblestone street with roses climbing the front of the building, where books are stacked about in piles and there’s always coffee brewing and a sleepy shop dog lifts his head at the sound of the door’s bell and thumps his tail against the hardwood

lifehack: when you see a Take One candy bowl in a restaurant, wait until noones looking and shovel candy into your pockets. god may judge you but his sins outnumber your own

“God may judge you but his sins outnumber your own.” We really need to start collecting and sourcing these Potent Quotables.

“Kill me. Kill me and live with the memory. Then tell the stars that you won.” -fucking Warrior Cats

We live in a socie-

Wait wait you forgot the mushroom post “you can’t kill me in a way that matters” +the following uhhhh 1 sec

No, Mike Pence got fucked by a horse. How else do you get the outside of a horse inside a man? 

Much. 

Horse must have been desperate

Mike Pence: Power Bottom

Being straight sounds miserable

The cheepist one

big bang theory is awful for obvious reasons but honestly shout out to them for inventing “bazinga” so i have a word i can drop into any conversation for a one-hit kill

“Bazinga” and “everypony” are the closest we will get to real-world dragon shouts.

H-… He did it… Billy did it… He actually did it…