A goldfish named Kate.

He was already mid-dial when Ilya's name popped up on his phone. Shaking finger halfway to 'Lily's contact, heart hammering in his throat.

It was just...the bed felt so fucking empty. After nearly two months of sleeping next to each other, of sharing space, of blissfully waking up and dozing off in each others' arms...it felt like a piece of his heart was missing.

He was back in his place in Montreal. Ilya, he knew, was in Boston. He'd gotten the confirmation text, had responded with a few replies. But it wasn't just the feeling of being away from the cottage that had him out of sorts. It was the feeling of being alone. The feeling of wanting something he’d finally been given a taste of after years of thinking he could never have it.

Not that he was able to put any of that into words.

"Hello?" he asked eagerly, trying to hide the way his voice trembled. 

"Hollander?"

Fuck, Ilya sounded wrecked. The same way he sounded after sleeping in on a Saturday or after a particularly lazy fuck on a sunny afternoon. Shane swallowed, trying to stifle all of the emotion that threatened to bubble over. "Yeah?"

"Are we still being honest?"

That was a good question. Away from the safety of the cottage, away from the oasis of secrecy in their perfect utopia, would they still be brave enough to share their emotions? To strip themselves bare emotionally as well as physically?

Shane's whole body felt heavy, throbbing with anguish and need. He'd never wanted Ilya closer, never missed someone more. Tears prickled at his eyes. "Yeah," he croaked, because he needed something.

"You are not next to me, and I cannot sleep."

A mangled laugh-sob wrenched from his throat, relief and distress filling him in equal measure...because at least now, he knew they were in this together. "Fuck," he muttered, scrubbing at his face with one hand.

"I think...I think we are fucked, yes?" Ilya murmured softly, his voice full of amusement and sorrow, like he'd never been more thankful to be in a shit situation.

"Yeah," Shane nodded, a watery smile on his face, his response echoing in the empty room.

But before he could think of something else to do or say, his phone vibrated against his ear and he accepted Ilya's facetime request.

Stomach jolting, Shane took in his boyfriend's face. Even in the unflattering light, he looked stunning; his eyes red and his lips curling a little. 

"Plug in your phone, sweetheart," Ilya murmured, laying back in his bed. "We fall asleep like this."

Shane nodded and sighed, doing what Ilya said.

Steve: ✔️ Seen at 12.04pm

Natasha: I know how much Barnes means to you, but don’t get involved you’ll only make it worse

Steve: ✔️ Seen at 3.42pm

Tony: You’re going to Hand Barnes over and come with us now, because it’s us

Steve: ✔️ Seen at 2.29pm

Bucky: I don’t know if I’m worth all this Steve

It’s weird, the first time Shane visits his parents after they find out about Ilya. Not just because, within the first five minutes of him arriving, they ask about him, but because he still has the urge to hide. To lie when they bring up an upcoming Boston game. To make up something about a girl he recently saw.

It still feels unreal, that they not only know, but accept. They both seem to love Ilya, having seen him multiple times that summer and been charmed by him extremely quickly. David and Ilya bonded by doing–get this–puzzles while drinking vodka, and of course Yuna was immediately impressed by Ilya’s ability to debate hockey with her for hours at a time.

So by the time dinner comes around and Shane’s phone dings from the kitchen (again–it’s been going off all day, texts from Ilya, of course), he just yells to his mom, asking her to bring the phone to him.

And she does. But for the first time…she looks hesitant.

He looks at the screen:

Lily: Miss you. Can not wait to kiss you so soon.

Smiling, Shane replies quickly, saying the same. Then, he looks up at his mom, who is deadly quiet. “What?” he asks, confused.

“Shane…” she murmurs, frowning. “Are you really…?”

And he pauses. Because he thought they understood. He thought they got it. He and Ilya are in love, and up until now, his parents seemed to accept it. So why is his mother all of a sudden looking at him with nothing less than disgust. “Wha?” he demands, almost angry that they’re back here again.

“Who is Lily?” Yuna shoots back, standing her ground. “Does Ilya know about her?”

And then he gets it. “Oh my god. Mom,” he groans, unable to stop himself from smiling a little. “That’s…that’s Ilya! We have ourselves saved as different names. Just in case someone looks! I’m not–what, you thought I was cheating?”

And Yuna’s face morphs into apologetic defensiveness. “I–what, what was I supposed to think?”

He chuckles, pressing a hand to his face. “Yeah, I get that. Damn, you looked ready to kill me!”

“That poor boy has been through enough! I was ready to call him and tell him!” Yuna frowns again, shaking her head.

Shane gapes. “What the fuck, Mom?”