me: i should clean up my room
brain: if you have your phone… you can look at memes… and not clean your room
me: damn can’t argue with that
Not today Justin
Mike Driver
tumblr dot com
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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trying on a metaphor

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@theowoeht
me: i should clean up my room
brain: if you have your phone… you can look at memes… and not clean your room
me: damn can’t argue with that

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Pass the happy! đź’› When you get this, reply with 5 things that make u happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications!
o thank you anon!Â
dogs, light rain, fantasy novels, no school, organization
the lottery would be so much more useful if instead of one person getting (for example) $100 million dollars, 2,000 people each got $50,000. nobody really needs hundreds of millions of dollars, but a decent amount of money spread out could improve so many lives.
Millennials are Killing the Bed Frame Industry: Feminist Edition
Getting a $50 bed frame that gets your mattress off the floor will extend the life of your mattress. You sweat when you are sleeping and it seeps into the mattress. A lot of it evaporates from the surface, but some goes down in deeper. Over the years you could end up with mildew and rot at the bottom of your mattress. God forbid you have carpet under it, that would need replacing too. If your mattress has air flow under it, it will evaporate from both sides instead of mildewing.
I don’t think anyone ever told me why you get a mattress frame, that makes so much sense.

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Karen took the kids now she trying to get a discount
other people’s puppies when you offer them your hand: *gives you their paw*
my puppy in the same scenario:
she is correct
i may be a closed off person but i will never surpass the level that jake gyllenhaal was on when he replied “There are some things I keep to myself, that are my business…” when asked what type of sandwich he ate
psychological researcher placing a marshmallow on a plate: I just have to step out of the room for a bit and then when I come back you can eat this.
me: *nods solemnly*
researcher returning to find two marshmallows on the plate: what the fuck
What’s this in reference to?Â
@wildmuddyriver
It’s in reference to the Stanford Marshmallow ExperimentÂ
The children were led into a room, empty of distractions, where a treat of their choice (Oreo cookie, marshmallow, or pretzel stick) was placed on a table.[1] The children could eat the treat, the researchers said, but if they waited for fifteen minutes without giving in to the temptation, they would be rewarded with a second treat.
The joke here is the setup for the experiment, but then when the researcher returns, rather than having eaten the first marshmallow, a second one has somehow materialized.

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reminder to myself about the process of drafting & revising:
first drafts are for making it exist
second drafts are for making it functional
third drafts are for making it effective
This is the most important thing I’ve learnt in writing my novel. Have fun the first time but know your first pass isn’t going to be perfect
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug + Scenery
What is flack because my imagination put the inage of you just swallowing some red hot iron out of the air
That’s exactly what it is. It was a flake of red hot iron that got thrown up while he was hammering and I’m the unluckiest person in the world

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Ladies and gentlemen, I present the proof that INDIA lives in the year 3045
Can build a welfare system to “prevent fraud“ but I suspect the winning move to get durable welfare policy is to shift from beneficiary fraud to provider fraud.
femmenietzsche“ Can you elaborate?
Basically beneficiaries defrauding the welfare system by falsifying income or pretending to be multiple people is a massive political problem that means we need to reconsider the whole system but providers defrauding the medicare system by billing for fake medical procedures is perfectly fine and normal.
just a corollary of car theft requiring hard time but massive financial fraud getting you a golden parachute.