Catching up with the world

I had a dream about getting stuck in an elevator 4 times in a row and I work in a place with an elevator that I avoided until I realized that was stupid and took the damn thing and you'll never guess what happened when I reached my floor

we’re so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.

It’s fun to use contractions inappropriately, but it’s hard to explain why that’s

dont store a knife with the point facing down, it damages the blade. no, dont do that either. when you store it with the point facing up you might accidentally hurt yourself when you try to grab it. dont store a knife at all actually. your blade must never leave your hand, always ready, ruthless and waiting. you know deep down that ever since you learned the stench of blood you will never be able to cast it aside. or just get a sheath for it i guess.

we bought a shirt at a thrift store that says "best mom in louisiana" for some reason (as a reminder we are in midwest germany) and now my spouse keeps walking around the house wearing it and saying shit like "WHO STANDS BEFORE THE GREATEST MOM OF LOUISIANA?"

every american man must struggle with great effort not to turn into the fat guy in a polyester golf polo ordering a smoked old fashioned at a chain steakhouse. any lapse in focus in your 30s can lead you down this path

Yesterday I saw a Brit say something like "I've been lied to about the US all my life". This is the best PR the South and Midwest has ever had.