I AM AN EXIT

many years ago i made a post about "sucking her dick under the table to make her lose at video games" and it got a few thousand notes and a lot of them were from "gentle femdom" blogs where it was a man reblogging this post and tagging it about Mistress's Strap. and im still BAFFLED. i just do not believe you as a man are sucking strap so good it could make someone lose at video games. like im sorry i just dont think that exists. i dont think you could have any level of skill at putting plastic in your mouth that would make someone lose at video games. if anything i think that would indicate a distressingly bad type of performance with the strap. but what do i know

thinking of gender as socially constructed, in the sense that your "gender" as an individual person is largely given meaning only through signalling toward cultural standards as understood by the observer (and that in this cultural sense, "transmasc" and "transfem" and "nonbinary" are all (nascent) constructs in their own right that are involved in that interaction, and any stereotyping therein is fundamentally the same old shit as any gender stereotyping as it applies to, idk, "standard" genders), has been greatly clarifying to me in like my personal feelings, & like by having some kind of framework that feels useful ive been able to sort my existing thoughts in a productive way, but like, i dont actually really know whether i was "picking up on" this idea before and thats why i felt weird or if it was some whole other thing still opaque to me. because like for sure some of it was that it sucked feeling like no matter how i presented myself people would interpret me through filters i didnt like but most of it was internal, about how i ought to categorize myself in my own mind. and like i guess you could say that at some point i am also nothing more than an observer imbued with a cultural viewpoint (one which has an unattainably narrow standard of "nonbinary") but that feels a little p-zombie

i constantly keep thinking about how when i was like probably 15 or 16 i was trying really hard to convince myself if i could/that i should settle for being a man like with that stereotypical thing of listing gnc or otherwise unusual men except that the one guy i kept coming back to, to peg this identity crisis on, was fucking stu 2d from gorillaz. i was so desperate to prove that i could accept being a man if 2d from gorillaz does it.

the thing about reading recommendations is that everyone is shit at it and the same people can recommend 2 things for the same reasons and one of them will be good and one will be terrible. my problem isnt even that people will like bad things at the same time as good things its that they cant even express their feelings about ANY things accurately enough to give any impression of their difference

i dont know for sure but i think someone is giving me ghost notes. if it was just like 1 or 2 at once i would assume it was someone commenting at me and then blocking me but its been all day. if your blog feels suspiciously quiet youshould get that checked out