The Moody Millennial

@61lazzzz 

I have a question, but first let me set the scene.

The temperature outside is 65 degrees with a slight breeze, it's a perfect fall day and it might be the last of it's kind before winter. So I grab the leashes and my beasts and I hit the streets.

With dogs in tow, I choose a scenic route lined with turn of the century homes and tall trees whose leaves are in all stages of change. As I'm walking sans headphones, soaking up the day and headed for a small four way stop, a red beat up car slows to a crawl beside me then turns right and stops, blocking my path.

I'm instantly on edge but relax a little as I quickly decide the person must be lost and seeking directions. A man, mid thirties with blonde hair, leans across the passenger side to ask, "How old are you?" At first I think perhaps I've misheard him and I reply simply, "What did you say?" To which he repeats, "How old are you?"

At this point I'm extremely uncomfortable and quite frankly a little pissed. So I snap back, "Don't be creepy. You can't be rolling up on women asking how old they are." His response, I kid you not, "Do you have a boyfriend?" To which I answer, "That's none of your business. Neither is my age. It's 2018 dude, don't do this" and he snaps back, "Well how else am I supposed to meet women" and I tell him "Literally any other way. Now get out of here" and I start walking in the opposite direction. He shouts back, "Bitch" and drives off.

Now in case you've never experienced this, I'm here to tell you that this is not where this experience ended. From there I couldn't shake the creepy vibe this man had given me and I proceeded to take an extremely zig-zaggy way home while watching over my shoulder for him. Once home, I locked myself inside and watched out the window for some time while beating myself up for not getting his license plate number and reporting him. 

That may sound extreme to someone who hasn't experienced this fear but I couldn't stop thinking about all the teenaged women that were about to be let out of school and would be walking the same path and might not have the strength I had to tell this man to kick rocks. He asked my age of all things.

So here's where my questions comes in: What is the desired outcome in this situation? No, seriously. For anyone that has creepily rolled up on someone you find attractive, what reaction are you hoping for?

Are you hoping I'll be so taken by your street flattery that I'll give you my personal information? Do you envision us striking up a relationship based on this interaction? When our children ask me "How did you meet my father?" are you really excited for our story to begin, "Well children, it’s actually a classic tale of love at first harassment."

Honest question, what is it exactly that’s so offensive about the Gillette ad? 

I’ve been racking my brain, trying to put myself in the shoes of the offended, and I just don’t see it. 

If a similar ad aimed at women came out, I honestly don’t think I would feel attacked. If a female razor company made an ad calling women to be better and show our girls how to be better, I would be proud of where we’re headed as a society. 

Women need to show young girls how to fervently support each other and we need to teach them that boys deserve emotional support too. The best way to do this is to speak up when someone is behaving in a way that tears other women down or perpetuates the harmful idea that men have to be emotionless providers. We need to set the example and help affect positive change. 

This is exactly what the Gillette ad was trying to say to men. That you have a responsibility to the next generation to teach them to be better. 

So the “you” the commercial was aimed at were those of you that already  recognize and avoid these negative behaviors yourself and the message you were meant to take away is that eliminating sexual harassment, bullying, and unhealthy stereotypes about men for the next generation starts with YOU. 

Okay. Let’s look at masculinity versus toxic masculinity (No, they’re not the same).

Masculinity = qualities or attributes regarded as characteristic of men

Toxic masculinity = socially-constructed attitudes that encourage or require the masculine gender role to be violent, unemotional, sexually aggressive, etc.

Now those look like two VERY different concepts to me, but let’s explore this a little further just in case.

Masculinity encompasses everything it means to be a man. No one is trying to take away what it means to be a good man. No one is trying to demonize all men. Men are good.

Toxic masculinity is using your manhood to hurt others or denying yourself basic human feelings and connection simply because you are a man. It hurts all of us. Men and women.

I don’t know how much clearer I can get.

Raising your sons to be masculine is great. Teach them everything it means to be a good man. Teach them the differences between men and women and how to navigate them. Teach them to fiercely support each other.

Raising your sons with toxic masculinity, however, looks very different. Please do not make your son think he’s not allowed to feel his feelings. Please do not teach your sons that it’s okay to view women as sexual objects or other men as social conquests. Do not normalize shitty behavior with, “boys will be boys.”

Boys will be boys. Boys are great, we don’t need to stop them from being who they are. We need to show them that who they are is better than bullying and sexual harassment. Better than generations of toxicity and excuses.

Asking for a friend.

But really, do you dream in memes? Or even of your phone? When was the last time you dreamt about your endless scroll habit of choice?

Maybe there really is no value added by social media despite all the shared culture, laughs, and triumphs.

Human beings need to connect with real human beings; Eye contact, hugs, handshakes, and facial expressions.

We’re lonely because we’ve forgotten how to connect. Forgotten to exist in the world instead of on the internet. Forgotten that the most valuable thing we have is our time.

But I really think we all want to remember.

Can we as a generation agree that we’re not gonna turn into those asshats that hate on the next generation just because we don’t understand it?

Gen Z, we’ve got your back.

We see how different the world is that you’re growing up in from the world we grew up in and how different ours was from Gen X. Let’s collectively decide that we’re too self aware to dump the world’s problems on Gen Z. Let’s do better.

The internet is the great equalizer our parents and grandparents didn’t have. Let’s use it for good.

I’m so sick of people making posts about “Don’t change for anyone, the right people will love you exactly as you are” trying to use it as a justification for why they are not at fault for the people in their life leaving them. 

I’m all about finding your tribe and holding onto what is decidedly you but if you’ve decided that hateful shitty behavior is who you are, you’re gonna lose a lot of people. 

Nice people don’t go around spewing mean girl gossip or passive aggressive bullshit. They don’t actively spread racist, sexist, classist propaganda and misinformation. They also don’t make themselves feel better by dumping on their friends. 

We’ve all heard that saying that goes “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” On the whole, I like this line of thinking and I’ve had my fair share of all three. 

But there’s something that really sucks about those “seasoners.” For starters, by definition, they leave. And they don’t always leave for a specified reason, generally they just slowly drift out of your life when their season ends. But still, they leave.

And just because they’re no longer in your life doesn’t mean you stop thinking of them. Especially if they were in your life for a particularly important season. 

The thing that really sucks is that they only ever get to know one version of you. They know who you were during the season they were around and only that season. People grow and mature throughout life and it hurts thinking that someone that was once so important to you not only doesn’t know you anymore, but the idea they keep in their heart of you is outdated and incorrect.