the best fanfiction you've ever read was written by a woman in her 40s before she made dinner for her kids. it was written by a teenager after school when they should've been studying for a history test. and a barista came up with the idea while they cleaned the espresso machine and busser fact-checked it on their break and the post-doc edited between writing grant proposals and the nurse apologized for typos in the notes after a long shift and behind every drabble and one-shot and multi-chapter fic there is a person with a wonderful and interesting and chaotic life and it is such a privilege that we get to be a part of it because they decided to do this thing we all share, for fun.

horrible fucking partner just said apropos of nothing “and i’ll SUCK, and i’ll FUCK, and i’ll BLOW YOUR BACK OUT” like the big bad wolf.

Okay, this is actually funny

You make soup in a big bowl. You serve it in a smaller bowl. And then you convey it, using a spoon, to your mouth. But what is the spoon? Simply a smaller bowl still

what in the world are "pity likes" you guys are inventing new ways to be insecure. every like i give is a like with my whole pussy

sorry im still not over this even though it was like 4 hours ago. was having an issue accessing company spreadsheets on sharepoint via browser so had to get the IT guy's help and apparently the reason was because i was using duckduckgo. which the IT guy then told me was a search engine "primarily associated with the dark web" and that i should use google and google chrome. like are you kidding me

sister has suggested "primarily associated with the dark web" booty shorts

Easily the most annoying kind of vampire in the world are the ones where you finally corner the fuckers and when you're going in with the stake they start spouting off sociology 101 bullshit to try and weasel out of it. "Oh, no ethical consumption under capitalism," "oh, the rich are the real vampires if you think about it-" yeah, yeah, you ate like fifty homeless people, asshole. Hold still

Okay but if you aren't a vegetarian your case against vampires is actually pretty weak.

I SAID HOLD STILL