Let Get This Done Bitches

fucking love when bitches lie to me for fun. i just asked this dude about a scar on his chest (perfectly vertical, about 3 inches long) and he launched into this story about how it was an injury he’d gotten from a metal overhang on a boat in highschool and ended the story with “but actually i got heart surgery”

y’all wanna know something even better. the heart surgery part of the story was the lie. i asked him about it later and he went “oh yeah no, it really was from a boat, i just realized halfway through telling you the truth that i could lie and it would be really funny”

yeah i use this pro gamer technique called "hitting every single button frantically with my little raccoon hands until something happens" you probably wouldn't get it it's really advanced

watching this youtube video about victorian haircare wherein the woman testing the products out inhales so much alcohol fumes she gets tipsy and that’s joining lead in everything, corsets, and doctors who cured hysteria with vibrators in “reasons why victorian women loved fainting”

me walking out of my fainting room after getting my back blown out by a medical professional face covered in lead makeup walls emerald green (also containing lead) high on the cocaine i was prescribed for allergies, tightening my corset: archibald darling i am seeing ghosts

I think Neil Gaiman is one of the only celebrities that truly understands what Tumblr users want.

amused-snorted at the post first, wondered what the hell previous commenter meant, backtracked to check op username and took it like missing a step down the stairs

my favorite thing about navigating fanfiction is finding a really good one and being all “oh boy this was good, I hope they have more!” and literally every other story they’ve ever written was for like Miami Vice 

“this pillow works better if your a back sleeper” bitch I’m a rotisserie chicken sleeper I don’t stop turning until sleep rips me forcefully from this world

oops! I just realised I accidentally deleted like half of this when i reblogged it last time! One more time, with the full thing this time!

No but take the time to actually read it because I lost like 15 minutes.

THIS IS GOLD 😂😂😂

This is amazing. Take the time to actually read it.

Holy shit the super specific things towards the end

Oh wow!

I didn’t know anything about the giant lake in California being created by accident?!

I love how it differentiates the maps of Narnia based on which book you’re looking at

I almost scrolled past this

vibing with Franz Kafka 99 years ago

@sluttyfranzkafka

Oh mood. Planning this for the 100th year anniversary

Happy 100 years of feeling nothing, merely tired

the only reason #cottagecore is considered a gen z thing is bc its a hashtag. it used to be called transcendentalism when offline men did it

Henry David Thoreau having all of his meals sent to him and laundry done while patting himself on the back for being such a back-to-the-land individualist: #simpleliving #aesthetic #waldenpond #cottagecore

after nearly 2 years of near continuous isolation from the global pandemic i can say that the guy from the shining was a bitch i could do his job and not try to kill my wife and son. i havent tried to kill my wife once and ive spent way longer going insane

Do you have ghosts and demons tho?

being online is the same thing as being psychically attacked by ghosts and demons