What's with the eggs??

happy pride month to this post specifically

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

dude hes three….

And uncultured. Get a new child

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

“Temporary stitches” all stitches are temporary if you have a pair of scissors and aren’t a coward

i haaate when ppl are talking abt mammal colouration and they bring up mandrills but not vervet monkeys.... fake fans

This nonsense is exactly what I wanted to happen

The mere concept of a resident evil male nude mod is so funny to me. Boy put that boaner away lest a sloppy little critter grabs hold of it

could you imagine if it happened this pride month

Soooo… I met Jackie Chan at the Dallas airport and the experience was, shall we say, extremely disappointing? He wouldn’t kiss my BARELY INFECTED pet toad and when I asked if he would buy me a beer I did NOT mean some watered down American pilsner!!!

im actually cleft in twain right now can i call you back

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

This is a worm? Or perhaps some sort of slug?

And it's gonna getcha

LOL whos tye saultry little binch on the bottom lsft????

this post is less than 1% away from being completely incomprehensible