I asked my bf how often he watches porn and he said like everyday and I laughed at him and then immediately realized I, too, consume pornographic materials literally daily
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@thelastdragonalive
I asked my bf how often he watches porn and he said like everyday and I laughed at him and then immediately realized I, too, consume pornographic materials literally daily

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the 9 inches: before & after
Wait, you people are still in love? You know Valentine's Day is over, right?
Okay, fine, I'll say it. I'll speak my mind. Meow meow meow meow meow.
yeah yeah ilya is a big strong russian man who can break your skull on and off the ice but don’t forget that man is also a Diva™️ he is using eight different hair products and he has shit talking sessions with svetlana while cuntily smoking cigarettes and he clocks everybody’s tea and he loves ugly designer clothes and his hips sway like a pendulum when he walks and if there’s one thing he’s gonna do it’s be dramatic about it

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Ilya Rozanov after using the most scathing insults to bait a player into punching him
Just imagine being Dan Howell's therapist and the most akward 6'3 twink you've ever seen comes into your office, when you ask him what brought him here he's like I have crippling anxiety and also im like the youtube Beyonce and i've been in a super secret homo relationship with my coworker and roomate for 10+ years but I keep it hidden because of gigantic internalized homophobia and also here are reasons why im a fail wait I'll just play you a compilation-
enemies to lovers but it's me and myself
official self love post
mfs be like "are you single or taken" and like technically im single but that implies that im availible, which i most definitely am not so yes im taken. im taken by me. you cant have me.
Everyone: omg Hollander leash your dog, Ilya is barking at opponent hockey players again
Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net
Ilya Heart Eyes Rozanov: thank you my ShaneWiki this is valuable data, off I go

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Fandom is so obsessed with contrasts in ships that they force them onto hollanov, a couple who are FAMOUSLY supposed to be similar. There is no slutty one and prudish one. They both love sex. There is no smart one and dumb one. They both excel at the same career where traditional metrics of academic intelligence don't apply. There is no jock and nerd. They are both professional athletes. There is no neatfreak and slob. They both pay other people to clean their houses. Please release yourself from the need to manufacture an opposites attract dynamic in every facet of their relationship, ESPECIALLY when the central conceit of hollanov as a couple is that they're more alike than everyone else seems to think.
David and Yuna are clearing out their attic, and they come over with a box of Shane's old childhood stuff to see if there's anything Shane (but realistically, Ilya) wants to keep.
As Shane and Ilya are going through the box, Ilya pulls out a little Centaurs branded notebook, with "Shane's Fun Facts!" written on the front in sharpie. Ilya is understandably delighted.
"What is this?" he asks, smiling from ear to ear, quickly yanking it out of the reach of Shane who immediately tries to swipe it out of his hands.
"It's nothing," says Shane, but the way his cheeks have gone pink behind his freckles tells another story.
"Uh-uh. It cannot be nothing if you don't want me to see it this badly."
Turning his back to Shane so he can't easily grab at it, Ilya opens to a random page and reads in Shane's 8-year-old scrawl:
Lightning bolts are five times hotter than the sun. That is very hot!
Ilya is grinning even wider now.
"Wow, Solnyshko, that is a fun fact."
"Fuck off," Shane says. He doesn't even attempt to grab it again, just kind of collapses and bonks his head into Ilya's shoulder. "I used to have trouble making friends as a kid. Dad suggested I start collecting facts to use as icebreakers. Y'know, to get conversations going."
"Did they work?" asks Ilya, tilting his head so that it rests on top of Shane's as his husband gives an almighty sigh.
"I think they made it worse, actually."
Ilya turns to another page and reads it out loud.
"Oology is the study of eggs. It's so cool because it looks like there are three eggs in the word!"
"Oh god," says Shane, burying his face further into Ilya's neck.
"I think you knew all the worst kids in Canada," says Ilya, putting down the book and wrapping his arms around Shane. "Those facts would have worked on me."
"Really?" asks Shane, glancing up at Ilya's face to see if he's teasing him, but Ilya is being perfectly serious.
"Of course. You came up to me and started telling me fun facts straight away, remember? 'I don't think you can smoke here.' 'Wow, Rozanov, you are the best player ever to watch.'"
"Fuck off, I didn't say that," laughs Shane.
"Well, it was something like that," says Ilya, pressing a kiss to the top of Shane's head. "So at least the fun facts worked when it mattered, yes? Imagine where we'd be if you hadn't come over to break the ice."
And Shane tugs Ilya even closer.
"I don't think I want to."
2014 average url: tumblring-in-the-tardis
2026 average url: weemp
StPD culture is to be afraid to say even my diagnosis, or they'll use it against me.
the day they win the cup together Shane finally lets Ilya snort a fat line off his cock send post
@vesnuszki 😳
And okay so shane tries to downplay how good it was for him so that he doesn’t really encourage ilya to want to do it again but he can’t stop thinking about it…. So next year for Ilya’s birthday he pulls up with an elegant box (ilya thinks ok he got me cufflinks or sth) and when he opens it there is a small plastic baggie with one (1) gram of cocaine.

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When you're trying to be lowkey about protecting your situationship...