Sup Losers ~ dandee

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

Not only is Kars4kids not a charity for needy children, it's actually an organization with deep ties to Israel. Specifically it's linked to Oorah in Israel. If you're unfamiliar with Oorah the only thing you need to know about them is that they'll fund trips to Israel for youth groups/students looking to take a gap year in Israel and contribute to the ethnic cleansing of Palestinians.

K4k sends 60% of the money they receive to Oorah and the rest goes back into marketing. They even spent like $20 million on real estate purchases in Israel.

children are not your property that you can do whatever you like with.

giving birth or impregnating someone or adopting doesn't give you some inherent wisdom that means you can never fuck up.

and you shouldn't have the right to abuse or neglect or misinform a child just because you have legal guardianship of them.

a staggering amount of parents view their children as their property and see advice as someone trying to take away their "deserved" control.

parents are allowed to have legal and social domain over their children,

parents are seen as suddenly being imbued with innate childrearing knowledge just by virtue of having a child, and

it's socially stigmatized to voice concern over a child that isn't "yours."

>smart sleep beds

The key point in studies like this is that they always expect porn-related problems to go up as porn use goes up, and you would expect that because that's how every addiction works from gambling to cigarettes to alcohol to crack cocaine, but what they actually find is that the people with the most distress over their porn use is actually related to how religious they are, not how much porn they're watching. This is significant, because it means people who identify as "porn addicts" are not actually watching more porn than the average person; They just feel worse about it because they think they shouldn't be watching it AT ALL.

I really can't stress this point enough; Are there people whose lives are badly impacted by watching 22 hours of porn a day? Sure, they do exist and they have my sympathy, but the majority of cases of "porn addiction" are completely religiously motivated and have nothing to do with how much porn people are actually watching.

The key takeaway here is that shaming people for their sexuality is harmful. It's bad for people's mental health to make them feel shame over something they have no control over, like how horny they can get. It's wrong to force people to suppress their emotions and make them feel guilty for not harming anyone. As Drew of Genetically Modified Skeptic once said; You can't shame someone out of feeling horny any more than you can shame someone out of feeling hungry.