Quest Through Depression

My newest hack has been to write letters to myself. In the morning, I write a letter to my night self. At night, I write a letter to my morning self. And I ask her to do things.

I ask her, “Could you call and make this appointment for me today?”

“Could you try to get to bed on time? It would really help me.”

“Can you get started on that assignment today? Morning Jeans tomorrow is going to be so happy if you do.”

I’ve got a small sample size, but the results are fantastic so far.

it feels better than drugs when i finish making a thing—and then show it off or gift it.

and then so people my age say to me ‘well—i can’t draw/paint/knit/etc. like you can. my stuff would be terrible.’ yeah, well duh—a part of developing skill is sucking at something and then practicing it over and over and over again until you suck less. u’ll have a hard time feeling lonely or bored when you can’t stop thinking abt a technique you want to try or something you want to make for someone else. making things has SAVED MY LIFE. it gave me a reason to keep living day after day when i wanted to die.

making things have improved my generational relationships (when i worked for the newspaper i would talk to customers abt jamming recipes or cross-stitch, one of my grandmas always gives me pattern books and tell me abt when she knitted things for mom, my other grandma is giving me a wedding quilt that HER grandma gave her 50 years ago because she knows i will appreciate it). it also got me likeminded friends who also make things.

Can you see green outside? Can you get some dirt? Then you can have a hobby.

Do you have a pen and paper? Hobby.

Something with a keyboard? Hobby.

The ability to walk? Hobby.

Have two feet and a heartbeat? Go for a fucking walk, do some pushups, volunteer to play with shelter dogs.

Have two hands and a heartbeat? Sketch. Napkins are free, steal a pen from your job, voila! Picasso.

Have one hand and a pacemaker? Might I recommend composing music on garage band?

The Y offers low-cost social classes. There are also coding classes online. Turn a hobby into a job!

Your computer has a microphone. Start making podcasts.

Crafty and bedbound? Try watercolours; they’re available at the dollar store.

Granola hippy? Get a towel, find a floor, queue up a yoga tutorial on YouTube. Namaste.

Garden witch? Dollarstore pot and a small bag of potting mix. Take your old head of lettuce, keep the bottom wet for a day, put butt of lettuce into dirt. Voila. Salad. Mint works well and is likewise indestructible.

Not into sports? Read books online. There are thousands of classic titles available. Internet got cut off? Library. Illiterate? Perfect — there’s your project. Or: books on tape, available at your local library, for free.

Look — I don’t take joy in my commute and I wish I had a helicopter to take me everywhere I wanted to go. But whining about my misfortune doesn’t solve my problem, and neither does this defeatist attitude.

If you have the time and tech to scroll this website, you have the time to develop a fulfilling hobby.

Anything else is just wallowing in your own misery because the alternative — trying and failing — is too daunting.

YouTube tutorials, websites, and learn to mend your clothes. Some outlay for thread, needles, scissors, and maybe patches and buttons. But spending less money buying new clothes..

Dollar stores often have coloring books & pencils, too. Go wild. Color the sun blue, grass purple, & trees red. Go outside the lines. Add stuff to the picture.

Sharpie pen & rounded rocks - draw pictures and happy messages and give them to people or leave them to be found.

Cotton string, paint, & paper. Dip string in paint & drape it on paper. Repeat with other colors. It doesn’t matter if your hand shakes, in fact it’s better.

Some craft places & senior centers & community centers have classes for free or for the cost of the materials. Try the craft with just enough materials for 1 project, instead of investing lots of money.

I sympathize with it feeling impossible to get started and with some versions of a hobby being out of reach, but that’s not every version.

If you like plants other than the aforementioned mint, you can often take cuttings from ones beside the road somewhere and get them to grow roots in a glass of water before transplanting them to dirt.

Let me tell you, if that’s your approach to life, you’re in for a miserable time.

Know what I did last summer? I impulse bought a bottle of bubble solution at CVS for $1.99. And whenever I had a rough day I went outside and sat down and blew bubbles for a few minutes, experimenting with different ways to hold or dip the wand or get air through it to make different types of bubbles. Trying to make bigger bubbles, or recapture bubbles on the wand without popping them.

It was so small. So silly. It didn’t make anything lasting. It didn’t necessarily build any marketable skills. It wasn’t the hobby I would choose if I had unlimited space and resources. I had nothing to show for it at the end of the day but a slightly less full bottle of bubble solution.

if being poor is your excuse for not seeking whatever happiness you can scratch up, you’d be a defeatest sad-sack even if your bank account was seven figures.

scrapbooking used to be done with scrap paper, not expensive stickers and rolls of washi tape and curated packs of ephemera…and the world is full of discarded newspapers, magazines, old books. quilting was done with little bits gleaned from garments worn past any repair, not charm packs that cost forty bucks a pop… and there’s still people throwing out sheets and clothes and skirts today! gardening is a way to get free produce out of kitchen scraps and whatever tiny patch of dirt you can keep clear of weeds and animals…and you can just start composting and collect seeds and cuttings today. sculpture used to be done with mud, from the river near the cave. you don’t have to even leave your cave if you want to make saltdough or paperclay.

The “getting it done in an unconventional way” method.

The “it’s not cheating to do it the easy way” method.

The “fuck what you’re supposed to do” method.

The “get stuff done while you wait” method.

The “you don’t have to do everything at once” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be permanent to be helpful” method.

The “break the task into smaller steps” method.

The “treat yourself like a pet” method.

The “it doesn’t have to be all or nothing” method.

The “put on a persona” method.

The “act like you’re filming a tutorial” method.

The “you don’t have to do it perfectly” method.

The “wait for a trigger” method.

The “do it for your future self” method.

The “might as well” method.

The “when self discipline doesn’t cut it” method.

The “taking care of yourself to take care of your pet” method.

The “make it easy” method.

The “junebugging” method.

The “just show up” method.

The “accept when you need help” method.

The “make it into a game” method.

The “everything worth doing is worth doing poorly” method.

The “trick yourself” method.

The “break it into even smaller steps” method.

The “let go of should” method.

The “your body is an animal you have to take care of” method.

The “fork theory” method.

YOU might not like using the telephone to ask so-and-so to do something, but Scientist-In-Charge-Of-Making-This-Thing-Work DOES call Collaborators to remind them, and then Collaborators can respond that they forgot, or they have it scheduled in for next week, because it’s their role to do something. 

YOU might be scared of going into that shop, but a Potential Customer does go into shops and look around. Potential Customer might be asked by Sales Rep whether they need help, and Potential Customer can say just browsing. Sales Rep may watch Potential Customer browse, but that’s okay, because they’re waiting to perform their role. And when Potential Customer leaves the shop, they aren’t that role anymore, back to self. Interaction done.