sleepy times

had a meeting at work yesterday with a guy i didn’t know and he said the phrase, “feed two birds with one scone”, which i thought indicated a conscientious and generous spirit

I like when the bus stops directly in front of you out of the line of waiting people and opens its doors. Chosen by the dragon

I hate this post. Ever since I read it I can't help but think "chosen by the dragon" whenever the bus stops in front of me or "denied by the dragon" when it doesn't. Every. single. time. That's a minimum of ten times a week. Do you know how annoying that is

The Gecko is friends with such icons as Time Flies and Bear In Mind

In 2010 I prayed to live in a time when Taio Cruz’s Dynamite was no longer playing on the radio, and now in 2022 I’d fall to my knees in tears if I had the chance to go back  

Girls only want one thing and it’s to flip a series of overhead switches and to punch a few glowing buttons to start up the spaceship

"Kill them with kindness" Nah, fuck that, CRICKET BAT 🏏 🏏🏏🏏*SMACK* 🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏*SMACK*🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏🏏

This opens up a lot of possibilities for what a haiku can be

There’s something so healing about a bagel with cream cheese. So beautiful, so pure. Thank you bagel with cream cheese my beloved.

everyone has to stop making posts like "the world's loneliest ant has died in secret" its making me sad

the worlds happiest ant has found large strawberry crumb

that dog was cool as fuck for going to space and also smoking

bumbled be thy bees

Need people to understand that if I’m online all day and do not respond to messages it’s because I need a day to not be a person and instead be one of those undiscovered species of slugs and that has lived in a cave for 1000 years and never seen sunlight and survives by eating moss

taylor swift fans interpret her lyrics the way protestants interpret the bible