riding the highest horse you’ve ever seen back to my glass house

Actually, Shirley Temple was the name of the Actress. You're thinking of Shirley Temple's Drink

when tiger met dragon

crouching harry hidden sally

the circus is empty, all of the monkeys are here

if you've never been clinically depressed, this is the short version

fun fact one of the world champions in pepper-eating contests is a trans woman and she actually faced significant backlash because people somehow thought she had a biological advantage. to eating spicy pepper

update bc i went back and checked: her name is brianna “the chilli queen” skinner and she set a record in 2017 by slamming back 23 carolina reapers consecutively. she only stopped when told to by the referees, and the next year she stepped down out of boredom. queen

The championship, it should be noted, is unisex. Apparently being a trans woman gives you an innate biological advantage over both cis men and cis women.

Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.

love putting a little. period in the middle of my sentences to create a little pause

fuck me full of your disgusting slop

I don't think anything will ever better represent my experience of being a child better than one time in like 2nd grade when I told a teacher's assistant, "I'm not stupid, you're being very condescending, please let me do my math worksheet myself" and she immediately replied, "That's a really big word, do you know what it means?"