Game On

*coughs blood* youre all just jealous of my wound. yuore trying to make me get rid of it because you wish you had a wound this cool

if I was a eunuch guard all the harem women would love me we would joke around about the royal family and just generally have fun shooting the shit together. they would say I'm "one of the good ones"

I'd win "eunuch of the month" every month and they'd hang a portrait of me on the wall to let everyone know

parked car conversations are lowkey unofficial therapy sessions.

Fun fact! The reason Markiplier's portrayal of a person stuck in a falling apart, piece of shit, frustrating death trap of a vehicle was so realistic is because he used to own a tesla.

Kid today (probably like 6 years) came up to me and was like "teacher teacher what's your name" and i was like "asha :) also im not a teacher" and he was like "okay asha asha asha I need help" and i was like "okay buddy what's wrong" and he showed me this chunk of metal he'd found sitting in the sun that he was just carrying around and it was super sharp and super hot from the sun and he was like "my hand hurts :(" and i was like "ok. put that down. does it still hurt?" And he did and was like "no." and then he picked it up again and immediately went "my hand hurts :(" again and then I was like "kid. put that down and stop touching it" and he was like "ok but when I touch it my hand hurts :(" and i was like "Please Just Stop Touching That. If you dont touch it your hand won't hurt" and this went on for like another 2 minutes before i got him to realize that if he stopped touching the metal it would not hurt. Kids are so fucking weird man

u used to be able to put a dvd in your computer. and then u could watch it

i will replace chatgpt

[Image ID: Tumblr reply from omgItsLongDennis reading: sandwich recipie /End ID]

she lets me hit because she hasnt memorized my attack patterns

Let’s go everybody it’s time to survive