Crazy Ramblings

happy (belated) 2 years of she leaned in

part 3 of the 2023 version of this post: adult books!

part 1: middle grade books | part 2: young adult books

this is a very incomplete list, as these are only books I've read and enjoyed. not all books are going to be for all readers, so I'd recommend looking up synopses and content warnings. feel free to message me with any questions about specific representation!

list of books under the cut ⬇️

I wasn't sure I'd want to have Lena and Kara with a kid in the Taken 2 au. It could be just as feasible for Lena to be in Istanbul for business, and for Kara to be there to protect whoever Lena is meeting with, and they decide to spend a day together seeing the city, when Kara soon realizes they're being followed.

But I realized it might be fun for Lena to have taken Ruby with her on the trip, and have Ruby be the one to a) insist they spend the day together, and b) kick ass helping Kara take on the bad guys when they eventually abscond with Lena.

Of course, I don't know how that would work if Sam is just a phone call away, and would obvs be the first person Ruby reaches out to. Maybe something happens to Sam years ago and Lena adopts her? Which would make losing Lena even more horrifying an idea to Ruby than it would otherwise be, because she can't lost another mom. She just can't.

And of course this would mean Lena and Kara are exes. I'm thinking they maybe marry young, before Lena takes over the company. For years she weathers Kara's sporadic absences and constant secrecy, until Kara misses a few to many commitments she's promised to be there for.

In the end, it's Ruby that makes Lena finally pull the plug. "It's one thing when it's me you lie to, Kara. I'm used to it. But Ruby... you can't promise to be there for her and then bail without notice. Do you know how excited she was for you to see her onstage?"

"Lena, I'm sorry--"

"No you're not. If you were sorry you would change, but you won't. You never have and you never will." Lena takes a deep breath. "It's not just my heart I have to protect now, Kara. I have to guard Ruby's too. And that girl has suffered enough grief already."

"Lena, please..."

"Just go, Kara," Lena says with a shake of her head. Her expression isn't mournful, but resigned. Tired. "Don't come back."

And so Kara leaves, and throws herself into her work. Though it's mostly protection these days, it keeps her engaged enough to keep her mind off Lena for years, until one day their paths cross in Istanbul. When their eyes meet, Kara's heart trips in her chest, just as it had the first time they'd met.

To see Lena dancing so carefree? That was a rarity, and Kara found she couldn't look away. Lena just looked so happy, and Kara loved seeing her like this. Tears stung her eyes, and Kara grinned.

She couldn't resist. She entered and danced up to Lena. She expected Lena to stop, embarrassed, but instead, when Lena sighted her, she beamed and grabbed Kara's hands.

And so the two danced to Lena's metal music.

>>>

This was what Alex found when she walked into the lab to ask Lena how the upgrades on their suits were going. She stared, baffled, to see Lena with headphones around her neck and blasting heavy metal from it while both her and Kara danced.

Kara danced with waving arms almost like she was on a show on broadway. Lena, on the other hand, was practically head-banging and jumping to the tune, and occasionally, she let Kara spin her.

Lena laughed at the spins. When the singer growled out lyrics, Lena growled along almost perfectly. She couldn't seem to stay in tune for the sung parts, but she could growl like none other. Alex was impressed.

Kara sung too, but she failed the growling parts. Instead she rocked the sung parts with her melodic voice.

Alex had no idea what she walked in on, but she did know that disturbing them felt wrong, especially since Lena never looked that happy. She backed out of the room as quietly as she could.

>>>

Nia found them next, mostly because the music was no longer coming from the headphones but instead from the computer. And it was loud. Nia didn't mind; she loved death metal, but J'onn and Brainy struggled to concentrate and had gotten irritable.

So she volunteered to talk with whoever was blasting music.

She did not expect it to be Lena.

In fact, she didn't expect to see Lena headbanging so fervently, her hair whipped around her head. Sure, she'd danced at the bachelorette party and Alex's wedding, but those were more simple dances. Mostly hip sways.

This was far more than that. Lena headbanged, pranced around Kara, and growled with the singer. And she was surprisingly good at the growl-singing of death metal. Nia never would have guessed Lena would be a fan. She'd always seemed more of a classical person, something more refined, but this was pure aggression and drama, and Lena dancing and growled with a wide grin.

Kara was with her, of course. Where else would Kara be? They were practically attached at the hip.

Nia clapped her hands together delighted. She pondered if she should join them or not.

Then Lena sighted her. Nia expected her to look embarrassed and stop, but instead, Lena danced over to her and tugged her into the room.

"Come on, I know you want to," Lena said with a smirk. "Join the chaos, Nia."

Nia laughed. "I'm supposed to be telling you to turn the music down, but you're not going to are you?"

"Nah." Lena waved her hand at the speakers. "Oh! I bet I could build better speakers. Make the whole building shake." Her green eyes sparkled in a way Nia hadn't ever seen.

"Golly, Lena, J'onn would be so upset." Kara laughed and danced around Nia and Lena. "But that would be so fun!"

"Let's do it!" Lena clapped her hands, delighted. "Oh, wait, I got an even better idea. What if we build some traps around the Tower? Then when Alex or J'onn or someone steps on them, confetti, silly string, or -- wait, glitter bombs!"

"Pranking us?" Nia grinned, delighted by this silly, carefree Lena. "Count me in."

"Oh gosh, you sure about that?" Kara stopped moving, her finger tapping her bottom lip. "Don't want to make them mad."

"It's just a bit of harmless fun." Lena pivoted and turned to her workbench. "Kara, care to get me a few gallons of glitter and silly string? Nia, let's go raid supplies. We got a mission to do."

Nia rubbed her hands together. "Oh, I'm so ready."

Kara looked between them and then shrugged. "Those two probably need a good laugh. I'll be right back." She supersped out of the room.

Lena looked after Kara with a look of longing. She sighed. "Why must she be so adorably hot?"

That was not what Nia expected Lena to say at all. "She is, isn't she?" Nia grinned and pushed her shoulder against Lena's. "But for you to say it out loud? You've taken a big step there."

Lena put her hands on her hips, but a smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. "And why wouldn't I? Her hotness should be recorded. Shouted from the rooftops."

Nia tilted her head and studied Lena for a long moment. "You're not usually this shameless about it?"

Lena waved her hand at Nia as if to dismiss her words. "I don't care what people think. At least for today." She turned back to her workbench and practically bounced, her grin back. "Let's make these traps. The others will never see us coming."

That's when Nia realized that maybe Lena had used magic, because why else would she say 'at least for today?' Had she messed up a spell? Should Nia check in with her? Kara hadn't seem worried, and Kara was always worried about Lena to some extent. So, okay, if Kara wasn't worried, then Nia wouldn't be either.

Shrugging off the concern, Nia jumped into the tasks Lena gave her.

>>>

Kara, Lena, and Nia hid in an alcove near the entrance to the Tower. Lena giggled into her hand, her green eyes focused on where they'd hid the prank plates.

The excitement Lena and Nia had for this project -- the two were practically bouncing off each other with ideas and energy -- had Kara captivated. This fun, silly side of Lena felt so refreshing, and although Kara had sometimes seen it in private, she'd never seen Lena be so open before.

The traps had take only a half hour to make, which, of course, Lena was a genius after all. Kara took much longer with painting them to match the colors of the floor after Nia and Lena had installed them.

Now they waited for their prey.

"I've always wanted to do this," Lena murmured, her smile still twitching her lips.

"Why didn't you?" Nia asked.

Lena shrugged. "Embarrassment, preoccupation with people's view of me, fear, who knows. But today, I'm free of all that." She looked back at Nia and Kara, both of them crouched next to her. "Today is a me day."

"Everyday is a Lena day," Kara protested. "It should be. You deserve the world."

Lena's smile softened, and she leaned forward to kiss Kara's cheek. "Thank you, darling. I wish that was true."

Kara blushed from the cheek kiss, and she lifted her hand to touch her cheek. Words refused to form, but the moment passed since Lena had turned to Nia to ask if she was ready with the camera.

Alex burst through the front door in her investigation clothes - the leather jeans, blouse, boots, and leather jacket, her motorcycle helmet tucked under one arm. She took three steps forward, her foot just missing one of the traps. "Hey guys?" She called out, "I got..."

With her next step, however, she hit the second trap, and she yelped when it exploded in a geyser of glitter. Billowing upward, It coated Alex in seconds, from the top of her head to her shoes. Rainbow glitter sparkled from the sunlight pouring through the windows. It gave Alex a surreal glow.

Lena guffawed and fell out of the hiding spot. She rolled onto her back and then side, her laughter contagious enough that Kara started to giggle too.

"Lena?!" Alex stared, flabbergasted. "You did this?!"

"The look on your face. Oh my god." Lena lay on her side and cackled. "Did you get the video, Nia?"

"You betcha!" Nia grinned, her phone in her hand.

"Wait, you did this too?" Alex threw off glitter and stomped over to them. "Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Lena?" She glared at Lena, who had rolled to her feet, still laughing.

Kara couldn't let Lena take the full brunt of Alex's increasing ire. "Um, well, I sort of helped too." Kara stepped out of the alcove and rubbed the back of her neck. "Lena asked me to get the glitter."

"Gallons of it," Lena said. She danced out of Alex's reach.

"You helped?" Alex growled. "Kara! This is... how am I going to get this all out!" She glared at them, but then a sly smile crept up her lips. "Oh, you know, I think you all deserve hugs. Nice glittery hugs."

Before Alex could wrap her arms around Kara, Kara shot into the air to hover above her head. "Nice try!"

Nia darted onto the stairs, just in time.

When Alex lunged for Lena, Lena leaped to the side in a flourish that reminded Kara strongly of sword-fighting.

"Alex," she tutted, "I'm an Olympic grade fencer. Do you honestly think you can catch me?"

Alex shook her finger at Lena. "I don't know what you did with Lena, but I'm getting you back. Just you wait."

"I'll wait with bated breath," Lena teased. When Alex tried to toss glitter at Lena, she once again leaped backward and flourished her arm as if sword-fighting. "Or, you can challenge me to a duel. Let us fight it out like nature intended." She mimed sword-fighting, one hand behind her back.

Kara watched, amazed. Lena looked so damn hot like this. Carefree, silly, and unashamed. Golly, she really, really wanted to just grab Lena and kiss her senseless. She floated down to stand on the steps next to Lena, unable to look away from the glow of Lena's joy and delight.

Nia nudged her side. "Gonna stare at Lena all afternoon? She called you hot earlier by the way."

"Wait, what?" Kara whispered back, shocked. "No way."

"Yes way. You two should totally kiss." Nia grinned a shit-eating grin and held up her phone. "I got photo evidence of both of you eye-fucking each other."

"Nia!" Kara was so embarrassed, but she couldn't help herself. She looked at Nia's photos with her, and had to admit that, yeah, Kara had some intense pinning looks going on. She had no idea she'd been so obvious. Gosh.

Lena, who had found a glove somewhere, tossed it down at Alex's feet. "I formally challenge you to a fencing duel. Whoever wins, buys dinner for everyone for a week."

Alex, who still dripped glitter everywhere, stomped on the glove. "Fine. I accept, but I get to use one of my own designed swords."

"Then I shall too. May the best inventor and fighter win!" Lena thrust her finger into the air and grinned at Alex. "You know, you sparkle in the sun now. Just like the Twilight vampires."

"You so did not compare me to that awful book!" Alex scooped up a handful of glitter and threw it at Lena.

Lena squealed and danced out of the way, but some of it still hit her legs. "Oh, you want a glitter fight?" She grabbed a handful of glitter from the piles by the triggered trap and tossed them at Alex.

Kara watched amazed as the two turned the room into a tornado of glitter, both of them caught up in the battle. Next to her, Nia cackled as she recorded it all on video.

What sort of magic had Lena done? Kara wondered. Whatever it was, it had unleashed the most delightful side of Lena. Kara couldn't help but smile, happy at seeing Lena happy.

>>>

The duel took place two hours before dinner in the same location of the glitter covered entryway. Nia sat on the steps leading upstairs with a bag of popcorn in her hands, while Brainy sat next to her and stole an handful here and there.

Kara stood between Alex and Lena to announce the duel. She wore her super suit, but she had glitter all over her boots. In fact, the glitter had invaded nearly all their clothes and spaces. It likely would take forever to clean, unless Lena devised some sort of clean-up-glitter spell.

J'onn stood by the door, his arms folded across his chest, and looked quite displeased, but at least he wasn't stopping them. He had triggered the silly string trap, so he still had bits of it clinging to his clothes and head.

Kelly leaned against the wall next to Nia, a slight frown on her face. Esme was curled in her arms, her little arms around Kelly's neck, while she watched her other mother ready her sword. "Explain what is happening? Why is my wife fighting Lena?"

"Lena made some traps to prank Alex and J'onn," Nia said and threw another handful into her mouth. She spoke around the popcorn. "Alex got hit with the glitter. Lena suggested the duel, and whoever wins buy us dinner for a week."

"Right..." Kelly tilted her head. "Wait, Lena made the traps?" Kelly looked at Nia. "Are you sure?"

"Yup. I helped her. She had Kara get the glitter and silly string." Nia held out the popcorn bag. "Want some?"

"Me!" Esme eagerly leaned out from Kelly's hold to stuff her hand into the bag. She pulled out a handful, though a few escaped to fall on the floor. Kelly struggled with Esme's squirming before finally giving up and putting the little girl on the floor. The girl settled onto the step next to Nia and happy crunched on the popcorn.

"And now the great duel between Alex Danvers and Lena Luthor will begin," Kara intoned with deep gravity, her expression solemn. "May the best sword-fighter win!" She backed away to stand by J'onn.

Lena grinned at Alex, her green eyes focused. "Ready to be beaten solidly, Danvers?" She slid into a fencing stance, her sword extended.

"You bet. I'm going to wipe the floor with you, Luthor." Alex ran forward and raised her sword in a swift slice downward.

Lena feinted and spun around to stab her sword into Alex's backside. "One!" She called with glee.

Alex spun and swung again, and her sword clashed against Lena's. "Lucky shot!"

"Oh, hun, nothing I do is luck," Lena responded with a smirk. She performed another feint and lunged at Alex's side.

Alex barely blocked her. She pushed forward in a series of slices that had sparks shooting off from her sword.

Lena danced out of her way, spun, and stabbed Alex in side. "Two." She leaped backward to dodge Alex's retaliatory strike. "I honestly thought you'd be more of a challenge," Lena mocked. "Too little agility, too much wild swinging. Come on, Danvers. Show me some moves."

Nia threw more popcorn into her mouth, fascinated by this sillier and carefree Lena. "She's good."

"She did make the Olympic fencing team," Brainy said. "I read of it and how she turned it down to take the research position at Luthorcorp."

"Huh, then Alex doesn't stand a chance," Kelly mused. "Pride must have motivated her."

"I think Aunt Lena'll win," Esme said.

Nia laughed. "Betting against your mother? Nice. I bet Lena wins too."

Lena circled Alex and performed a flunge. Alex barely parried, and soon enough, she was on the retreat when Lena performed a series of moves, her sword nearly a blur with how fast she moved.

Alex was soon pinned against the wall, with Lena's sword against the bottom of her chin.

"Do you yield?" Lena asked, casually. Her sword tip pressed up against Alex's chin.

"All right, all right! I yield." Alex took a steadying breath when Lena moved her sword away. "Damn, Luthor. You weren't messing around."

Lena laughed. "Alex, I wasn't even using my dominant hand." She tossed her sword into the air and caught it by the hilt in her other hand. "But thank you." She saluted Alex with her sword. "Also, nice touch on the sparks." She winked and sauntered off, whistling.

Alex stared after, her brow furrowed in confusion.

Nia dug her hand into the popcorn and her fingers scrapped against the sticky and salty bottom. "Damn, ran out."

>>>

Alex found Lena, later after dinner, which Alex begrudgingly bought, in the lab with Kara. The two sat next to each other, thighs touching, while they poured over a book.

"Uh, I interrupting something?" Alex stepped closer and noted it was Lena's mother's grimoire. The page they were studying had the words Flight Balm printed in large letters. "Um, what are you planning now?"

"This one," Lena lightly elbowed Kara, "Thinks I should try my hand at flying." She pulled open one of the drawers in the cabinet next to the desk. "Fear of flying is something I'd had since I was a child. Fear of water too. But today I am unburdened by such things. So fly we shall!" She pulled out several vials of herbs and liquids.

"Okay, okay, so, I got to ask, what is going on with you, Lena?" Alex crossed her arms over her chest. To her annoyance, her clothes still had glitter on them, and she'd even changed into a new outfit.

"Me?" Lena smiled and assembled the ingredients for her spell. "Oh, I am enjoying a day free of burdens. Free to be, me." She turned to Kara, "Darling, grab the Bunsen burner for me, would you?"

"Sure thing!" Kara jumped off her stool and darted over to the workbench by the wall.

"Okay, I don't know what that means, but okay. Are you sure you weren't... exposed to anything? Had a spell go wrong?" Alex really wanted to drag her to the medical bay to give her a proper check up, just in case. Today had been way too weird.

Lena laughed. "Alex, hun, I'm perfectly fine. Today is simply my day." She leaned over and patted Alex's cheek. "Don't worry your little head about me."

Alex stared, stunned at the touch. Lena never touched anyone like this. Maybe she did privately with Kara, but not out in the open. Yet, Alex watched her work, saw how freely she touched Kara, and how she wasn't even hiding the affection she bestowed upon Alex's sister.

This was Lena, when she felt free to be herself? Playful, silly, and intensely affectionate?

For once, Alex didn't know what to say. Instead, she decided to leave the two to their increasingly adorable and disgusting shows of affection teasing.

>>>

The flight balm was prepared within the hour, and Kara walked with Lena to the balcony. Nia sat in one of the sofas nearby, her phone in her hand, and she showed Esme something, both of them laughing. Kara could hear the sound of the video, and it was the prank that had exploded glitter on Alex.

Lena stopped on the balcony and tugged off her sneakers. "What a gorgeous view." She gave a soft sigh and turned to Kara with a smile. "And to think, I'll soon share it with you, high in the sky."

"Are you sure this will work?" Kara was worried. "What if you fall?"

"Oh darling," Lena leaned forward and placed her hand against Kara's cheek. "You always catch me."

Her face was so close, and Kara desperately wanted to cross that chasm to finally kiss Lena's lips. She could do it, maybe she would do it, but part of her held back, worried that this was all a dream. That tomorrow Lena would be closed off, embarrassed, or would be upset over the events of today.

"Don't worry, darling," Lena's eyes darted between Kara's, her voice soft with fondness. "Like I said, today I'm unburdened. So let's finish in a bang, right?" She loomed closer, and to Kara's surprise, her lips brushed the skin to the left of Kara's lips.

It left Kara tingling all over and aching with want. And if Lena was unburdened by the day, maybe Kara should try that too? To just let whatever happened, happen? Kara took a steadying breath. Yeah, golly, definitely hard to do as her anxiety fluttered, and again, that urge to hide how she felt, to not let her feelings get in the way of her work, haunted her.

But today was Lena's day. A day unburdened by duty, fear, worries. So, okay, Kara could do this. She would do this. They were going to fly and have more fun. She nodded to herself, and squashed down that familiar anxiety.

Lena smoothed the flight balm on the bottom of her shoes and along her calves. She pulled on her shoes, tied them, and experimented with a jump. Only to hover in the air instead of falling back down.

Lena waved her arms to keep herself steady. "Woah, okay, wow."

"You did it!" Kara floated into the air in delight. "You're flying, Lena!"

Lena's expression held wonder. "Wow, this is. Wow." She pushed down with one foot and shot higher into the air. Her laughter rippled out from her as she flew upward and did a somersault in the air. Kara flew up with her, ready to steady her, but Lena leveled out near the top of the Tower. "Kara, you've been holding out on me!" Lena laughed again. "You didn't tell me about how freeing this is!"

"You're not scared?" Kara flew up beside her and grasped her hand, just in case.

"No, like I said, today is a me day, unburdened and free." Lena grinned and winked. "Wanna go for a spin around town?"

Kara smiled back. "You bet."

>>>

The day ended with Kara flying Lena back to her penthouse. They learned the flight balm would last for several hours before it began to wear out, making Lena's flight unsteady. The entire time, Lena hadn't shown any sign of fear. She'd only laughed and whooped with joy at the freedom the flight had given her.

At one point, they'd flown high enough to touch the clouds, and Kara would never forget the look of wonder and joy on Lena's face as she brushed her fingers through the wisps of moisture.

Kara touched down on Lena's balcony and placed Lena on her feet. "And here we are! Thank you for riding Supergirl express!"

Lena laughed and lightly swatted Kara's shoulder. "You are so silly. I love you." The words flowed out of her as if she said it every day.

Kara stilled, surprised. The last time she'd heard Lena say that was when she was smashed drunk after Morgan Edge had accused her of poisoning children. She'd turned to Kara and said, "It's one of the things I love most about you." She'd never used the word again, though she had said El Mayarah a lot.

But here Lena was, still giddy from the day's adventures, and the words flowed out of her without a worry. Her green eyes focused in on Kara's blue, and her hand gently tucked a strand of Kara's golden tresses behind her ear.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?" Lena murmured. "You, Kara Zor-el Danvers, are a marvel."

"Gosh, Lena." Kara blushed. "Um. So are you. I mean, you too are a marvel. And golly, you know, I, um, I love your hair, and uh, eyes, and all of you." She rubbed the back of her neck, uncertain exactly if this was a love confession or not. "Gosh, not saying that quite right. I mean, like, a lot of love. All the love, as in, I love you too, really, and uh, I'll stop now."

Lena's eyes widened, and she tilted her head to study Kara. "Hmmm. But what kind of love?" She stepped closer, and her hand gripped the front of Kara's suit. "Platonic? Erotic? Sexual? All of the above?" Her eyes weren't on Kara's but lower. As if looking at her lips.

"Um. Ah. All?" Kara really, really wanted to just kiss Lena. But was it right to do now? What if this was a fluke? What if whatever was making Lena so carefree and silly was actually her drugged up because of some spell? What if--

Lena cupped Kara's face. "You're spiraling, love," she murmured. "What worries you?"

Oh gosh, now she was using love as an endearment? Kara's heart might burst. "It's... it's just, you said that today you are unburdened, that you're free to be yourself, but I guess, what if all of this is just the magic's effects? I mean, is it like you're drunk? Is this all really you? Because I want it to be really you, because today was so fun, and I love seeing you so carefree and silly. To hear you laugh. And I really want to kiss you--" Kara realized what she'd said. "Oh, um, golly, I mean--"

Except her words were cut off when Lena surged forward and captured her lips in her own. All thought ceased then, and Kara's hands immediately grasped Lena's hips and pulled her closer. When Lena's tongue pressed against Kara's lips, Kara opened her mouth and deepened the kiss.

And golly, it all felt so amazing. Lena tasted like honey and something so uniquely her. The way Lena pushed herself against Kara, as if burrowing into Kara's chest, ignited sparks all along her body. The urge to get even closer, to tear off their clothes, to be skin to skin surged through Kara, her body aflame.

Lena pulled away with a gasp. For a long moment, she looked at Kara, her pupils blown, and her lips slightly parted and bruised from kissing.

"Kara, all of today?" She said with a tender smile, "was me. The spell I cast was to temporarily halt my fears and insecurity. It took me a few weeks to find the right portions to make it work. I just wanted a day where I could be free of the burdens of our lives and past. To experience freedom for once. Maybe tomorrow will be me in a panic, especially over this, because I have been afraid that you will someday leave me... that all of this will disappear..."

"No, never leave," Kara interrupted. She dipped her head down and kissed Lena, gently. "Never leave," she repeated. "I... I really want you, but I've been scared too. I'm so used to hiding myself, hiding how I truly feel to try to be that paragon of hope for others, that I've been afraid to really feel this. I didn't know I could want this. That it was okay to want this. To be able to - to share this with you. I didn't know you felt the same until today."

"Well, now you do, so what will you do about it, Kara Zor-el Danvers?" Lena smirked and ran her fingers along Kara's jawline.

"Um, carry you to bed and cuddle you to sleep?" Kara offered. "Then in the morning, if the magic's worn off, we'll chat about where we want to go from here?"

“Even with Lex” sounds like Lex might have actually been an antagonist in Lena and Lillians connection, and now that we know he knew the truth about Lena, it is entirely possible he subtly manipulated them to keep Lillian’s affection and loyalty for himself, and to keep Lena dependent on him for praise.

So here have some nice moments where Lex isn’t involved at all:

- Lillian and baby Lena going shopping in the city, and when Lena stares through a broad window at people having tea and brunch at the Ritz, Lillian softens and leads her new daughter inside.

She sticks with earl gray, but Lena gets a pot of her very own hot cocoa, and an array of fancy sandwiches. Lena’s on cloud nine, back straight as can be, pretending to be princess entertaining her court.

Lillian tsks.

“Why be a princess, when you can be queen?”

- Lillian being the only one to show up at Lena’s chess tournament finals, despite Lionel’s promises that he and Lex would both be there in time. She watches as Lena progresses to the final match, and sees her final opponent mutter words into Lena’s ear.

She recognizes the teenaged brat as a nephew one of Lionel’s associates– a wretch if ever there was one. Lena’s features darken at the blatant antagonism, but Lillian is pleased when she says nothing in return. Not until the match is over in record time, and Lena rises to greet her applause with pleased smirk.

Lillian claps along with the others, but her attention is on the way Lena leans in during the requisite handshake with the boy, who sits shellshocked and dumbfounded on the other side of the board. Her words are as silent as the boy’s had been, but when Lena turns her features have spread into a full satisfied smirk.

For the first time, Lillian sees a bit of herself in the girl who bounces to her side.

“Congratulations, sweetheart,” she says with a rare hug. “Let’s get some ice cream.”

- The day of Lionel’s funeral, Lillian goes looking for Lena during the wake. They are all expected to put in face time with the mourners, and while Lex has been playing his role with aplomb, presenting a calm and prepared front for the transition to come, his sister has been absent since they returned from the cemetery.

She has better things to do than manage her daughter. She needs the wake to progress and finally end, so that she may finally retire to her grief in the privacy of her own home. She loved her husband, despite their difficulties, and the idea of facing her days alone open a hole in her chest that threatens to swallow her whole.

She shouldn’t be chasing her daughter at her own fathers wake. That girl– the one Lillian never wanted, the one Lionel *insisted* they take. The girl her husband loved more than anything.

The girl he left in the dark, and whose secret he took to his grave.

The girl Lillian finds in Lionel’s study, staring out the window with a picture book of flowers clutched to her chest. Lillian scowls in recognition– how many times had she gone hunting for her husband during a party, only to find him here, looking through that book with Lena smiling in his lap.

“There you are,” Lillian snaps, “I’ve been looking everywhere–”

Her words lodge in her throat when Lena turns, revealing the tears pouring down her cheeks. Lena has been dry-eyed since that night at the hospital when the doctors came out with a time of death. She has been calm and silent and eerily detached from the preparations for the funeral. But now her her breath hiccups in a sob, and her arms tighten around that stupid book as her grief finally catches up with her.

The only grief that mirrors Lillian’s own.

Lillian’s arms wrap around Lena without thought. Lena melts into her embrace, her thin control crumbling into a cascade of heavy sobs. Lillian strokes Lena’s long hair until she loses steam. When they part, Lillian’s hands cup Lena’s wet cheeks, but doesn’t dry them. She lets Lena have her tears.

“Take your time,” is all she says.

Then Lillian returns to the wake, to where Lex is entertaining partners and investors with booming laughs and broad smiles, not affected in the slightest.

OUAT Week Day 7: Free Choice