It's A Clusterfuck, Lads

and no I’m not going to blame the writer for someone using their writing to self harm or groom a person but i genuinely do not understand the need to post awful things online

and it doesn’t come from the feeling that people shouldn’t talk about what happened. because people can and should talk about it. i talk about it all the time with people that i trust, and i understand feeling like the abuse was your fault and needing to be reminded that it wasn’t

but i cannot and do not agree with writing abusive, p-dophilic, inc-stuous, etc relationships and posting it online for the whole world to see. i don’t get why it needs to be done. that’s not coping and it’s potentially exposing others things that could trigger them, be used to self harm, be used to groom them, etc

honestly i would argue that it’s even pretty unhealthy, even though i know that what’s healthy for everyone is different. i just genuinely do not get how the sharing part is helpful. the writing? completely understandable. but sharing i don’t get

- Oh that t-shirt is nice i might buy it- *feels the texture* nevermind

- *trying clothes* “It’s too tight” “What do you mean it’s too tight? It’s your size and this pants is supposed to be ti-” “IT’S TOO TIGHT MY SKIN CAN’T BREATHE”

- Yeah I can’t eat some types of food because the texture/smell is horrible.

- Walking in a beauty products shop and instantly dying because of the strong smells.

- DO NOT POKE AT ME OR I WILL JUMP 10 FEET IN THE AIR

- *takes gun out* Alright no physical contact without my permission.

It's hard to accept that abusive people are the same "class" as yourself, so much easier to delegate them to the ranks of the mentally unwell.

I'm too tired too explain why this is Bad, I feel like it should be obvious..

You're supposed to want to feel better.

No. It's not your fault. No, it's not your fault.

No, you don't deserve this. No, you didn't deserve it.

No. The reason you keep wading in the trauma, is because the part of your brain that reminds you that sometimes bad things happen, is not communicating with the part of your brain that reminds you something bad happens to you. You're not healing by constantly reblogging self-deprecating posts. You're not venting. You're ruminating. It feels good because it validates the parts of your brain that have turned the experience against you. We feel good when we're validated. Ruminating in what happened validates what is hurting you. Nothing else.

No. Avoidance isn't the answer either. Other options exist.

You were a person before that trauma. You are not made up of what happened to you. You can be you.

No, positivity isn't always achievable.

Not everything is all-or-nothing. Your brain just thinks of those polar opposites first. You have to consciously think to realize the other options.

Yes. You really do matter. If someone else made a mistake, you'd tell them everyone makes mistakes, right? That includes you. You're an everyone. You're an everyone like everyone else. You are equal.

The reason you hate yourself is because your brain doesn't remember that it's a human like other humans. It's supposed to. You have to do that yourself.

You look down on your self worth because nobody taught you how to lift it back up. Your brain is wired to self-sabotage. You're not what your brain tells you.

No, relapse isn't an excuse to give up.

Yes. Giving up before trying is a symptom of avoiding anxiety triggers.

Yes, it IS possible to get better without professional help. You do not need a therapist or medication to start recovery.

The reason you have digestive problems is because the serotonin your body isn't processing is stored mostly in your gut. The serotonin isn't working in your brain, and it isn't working in your gut either.

Yes. You can have a panic attack without rapid heart rate.

Staying in that fandom drama can become self harm. Learn to turn away from things that are negative. Yes, even if you poke the discourse for entertainment. It's still negatively affecting you. Find a healthier outlet with things you love.

Yes. Acting dramatic for attention IS a sign of mental distress. It's a call for help. If you feel like you're being dramatic, odds are your brain feels bad that it's reaching for help.

And yes. You're allowed to ask for help. From the right people. (Not tumblr blogs.)

Saying "no" and hurting someone's feelings is less grave than saying "yes" to a thousand things that trap you in a lifetime of faking.

Rejection isn't the end. Failure is not the end.

Yes, you really will make it to 18. And then 20. And then 24. Start dreaming again.

You are not your trauma. Stop telling people like it's the same as your eye color.

Yes, oversharing is a sign of PTSD. Just like secrecy.

Yes, putting yourself in the same stressful situations is self harm.

Yes, sending yourself hate or spreading rumors or lies about yourself is self harm.

No. Society does not think depression is romantic. They think it's fake still.

No. Which characters or stories you like most ISN'T a giveaway about the kind of person you are. No. It really, really isn't. The kind of real life people you like is.

No, it doesn't help the community to "filter out the fakes." It makes you and your peers constantly scan yourselves for fakeness to the point you make your health worse, and encourages stigmas on outsiders. Trust me. They're not a plague. And they're not your concern. YOU should be your ONLY concern. Not them and what's going on in their head.

These are hard pills to swallow because that's what this site has taught you.

Get off tumblr for a week. I beg you. Cleanse yourself of this place's mantras as best you can.

The young of other animals don’t make noise, or if they do, barely any at all. Baby birds only start chirping when their parents come back with the food, kittens meow to their mothers because cat communication is extremely subtle and drawing your caretaker’s attention may require a sound when you have eight siblings. At this point, they can already see and walk.

 But human babies? Crying is essentially the first willful action that they learn. Months before being able to move on your own, or even hold your own fucking head up, or being able to choose when and where you defecate. Before anything else, a skill more valuable than anything else, is a distress call.

 A distress call specifically intended to be impossible to ignore.

 Before object permanence or theory of mind, without even an understanding of what help they need, who could provide it, and whether they choose to do so, a human being is capable of expressing that there is something wrong in the state they are in, that they are powerless to correct on their own.

And you know what?? We consistently show up for each other. No matter how much capitalist society tries to alienate us from one another, we show the fuck up and help each other out when it comes down to it.

Let’s get some things straight before I dive in:

While this IS a post asking for donations, don’t feel obligated to donate or reblog (though I would very, VERY much love a reblog from anyone willing, don’t feel pressured).

I WILL NOT BE RESPONDING TO POSTS FROM ANYONE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME I WAS NOT “ACTUALLY” FIRED FOR BEING TRANS, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE. If you read my story and try and argue I will ignore and block you. This was an extremely traumatizing event for me and I’m not here to argue about whether or not it was actually discrimination. I know what I know and I have already had MANY lawyers tell me “yes you have a strong case for discrimination here and could definitely sue” so don’t even try it.

(This one is most important): IF YOU ARE A TERF, TRUSCUM, ACE/ARO EXCLUSIONIST, NAZI, WHITE SUPREMACIST, TRUMP SUPPORTER, OR HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME USING IDENTITY TERMS FOR MYSELF LIKE QUEER, DYKE, BUTCH, ETC, DO NOT TOUCH THIS POST. IT IS NOT FOR YOU.

Feel free to message me if you require proof of my termination or s/t so you know I’m legit. I understand wanting to make sure people on here aren’t fakes, but I’m avoiding PUBLICLY posting details that would reveal the company’s name or who the people involved are, due to the fact I fully intend to sue, or at least settle out of court. I’m not messing this up by posting too much about them specifically on social media.

IF ANYONE HERE KNOWS OF GOOD TRANS/EMPLOYMENT LAWYERS THAT WORK IN CALIFORNIA AND ARE WILLING TO WORK ON CONTINGENCY, PLEASE CONTACT ME WITH YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS. ALL OTHER LEGAL ADVICE IS WELCOME IF YOU ARE SOMEWHAT KNOWLEDGEABLE ON THE SUBJECT. 

HERE’S THE LINKS TO HELP FINANCIALLY. EVERY DOLLAR COUNTS, AND THANK YOU IN ADVANCE.

CASHAPP: $thickbiqueen PAYPAL :  moreofalark

Here’s how it all went down, (under the readmore in as short an explanation as possible, if you care about the details). I don’t want to clog y’all’s dashes so refer above for links to my PayPal and CashApp

Everyone here has painted Reddit as this awful place where terrible people congregate, and yet I've found some of the most exciting and kind strangers and communities there. And there are communities for everything.

And when I tell them about things on tumblr, they're horrified.

It's kind of unsettling to see the reverse side of things. The few I've met on Reddit have had more patience and critical thinking skills, and much tougher skin (something I'm still adjusting to), despite both my tumblr and Reddit friend groups being of the same age range (if not slightly younger).

I find that shocking. And really telling.

People who used to be medically diagnosed as “mentally retarded” are now generally called “developmentally disabled” or “intellectually disabled”. (Those are two groups that overlap frequently, but not all the time.)

Developmentally and intellectually disabled people have been VERY LOUD about not wanting to be called the R-word. Like, as a group they’re still having to fight to get their federal minimum wage raised from $1 an hour and to be able to live in homes they choose that don’t lock them in at night, and they are STILL committing time, money, and political capital to saying the R-word is never acceptable.

On the other hand, since 1990, LGBT+ people have been labelling themselves “queer”, as a deliberate effort to fight their erasure from the respectability politics that meant only the nicest, whitest, most monogamous cis gays and lesbians got any political power or airtime. When I say “queer people” and “queer identity”, there are hundreds of thousands of people who will go, “Yep! That’s us!”

The queer community, and the LGBT+ community, do not entirely overlap. “Queer” is about “anyone who deviates from society’s expected norms around sex and gender”, especially anyone who does so deliberately, visibly, or in the face of societal pushback. Therefore these days in many countries, a lot of cis gays, cis lesbians, and binary trans people do not consider themselves “queer”, because they’ve carved out a big enough social niche that they’re not going against societal pressure. “Queer” also includes a lot of groups and identities that get left behind by the LGBT movement, like asexual, aromantic, nonbinary, third gender, multisexual, polyamorous, and kinky people whose oppressions don’t get recognized by groups that have gained wider societal acceptance.

So you can be LGBT without being queer. Feel free to peel the word off if it ever gets stuck on you. “Yeah, I don’t consider myself queer.” But when someone says “queer people” or “the queer community”, we do exist, and will not go away just because you don’t like us.

There are some words the disability community has reclaimed and held up with pride, but it’s mostly in areas like physical disability and mental illness, not intellectual or developmental disability.