Iāve created a Settlement Generator on my website for D&D tools!
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Janaina Medeiros
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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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@the7ark
Iāve created a Settlement Generator on my website for D&D tools!
https://7ark.dev/settlementgenerator

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GET HIM JUSTIN DRAG HIS ASS
kangaroo: (sees creature descend from the sky with a single giant multicoloured wing)
kangaroo: oh i am going to absolutely kick the shit out of that.
so iām currently working at a law firm and the other day one of the attorneys was talking to me and he mentioned that heās ānot very confrontationalā and i was like you are?? a lawyer???
and he said āyeah but in court there are rules. i can argue with some shmuck in a suit in front of a judge no problem, but when i leave the courthouse and go home iām not gonna argue with my wife about dinner. there are no rules in our kitchen. i would die.ā
there are no rules in our kitchen.Ā i would die.
And I wouldāve fuckin gotten away with this, too

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(via alyssemazakian)
I thought Eclipsa was going to be a big bad, boy am I happy that I was proven wrong. Sheās the best great etc. grandma ever
I was looking up Chuck E Cheese Lore
Can you imagine going to chuck e cheese as a kid around 1977-1983 and some robot rodent comes alone and just goes
āYou like that fucking pizza you dumb fatass? Thatās right go eat that shit up and then play in the ball pit where I piss.ā
things iāve learned from nearly 2 years raising garden snails:
- they have best friends - theyāll go out of their way to sit on their best friends, kiss their best friends, and share lunch with them - lettuce is to snails what a favorite ball is to a dog - if ur tasty theyāll give u gentle scrapes - they are SOCIAL!!!!! - they all have very distinct personalities and quirks - they like comfort, they are affectionate - u can actually tell when a snail is sleepy because theyāll only stick their stalks halfway out and wiggle them gently - theyāre very curious - theyāre very clean and they love maintaining their shells - cuttlebone YUMMY, make shell BIG
hello!! iāve seen a lot of people comment that they want snails/to care for snails!! snails are great pets, so hereās a small tutorial 4 u: 1. a tank that can sustain a kind of humidityā glass tanks for lizards that are aerated work wellĀ 2. a spray bottle of clean water that is room temperature!! snails are sweet and sensitive, so donāt shock them with cold water! u must spray them and their tank every day so they have the moisture they need to survive 3. nice clean wet hands for holding! always wash your hands before and after interacting with ur snails, plus having wet hands to sit on make them rly happy and they might give u gentle scrapes!!! 4. OTHER SNAILS!!! theyāre social and they love friends, but make sure itās snails of the same species because some snails eat other snails! 5. nice clean dirt! dirt from outside, clean of snail killer or pesticides, will do! snails are very cheap to take care of! toss in a few worms to keep the soil clean! 6. find out what they like to eat! my snails LOVE lettuce, but iāve seen a lot of snails that prefer carrots! their little scrapey pallets do need something relatively soft, so i always head towards regular old lettuce and sometimes softened fruit. 7. cuttlebones!! u can find this at any pet store in the bird aisle. snails LOVE to scrape cuttlebonesā itās vital for their growth, as they use the calcium from the cuttlebone to build their shells. 8. decor! snails are very curious and they love to climb, so make sure that the decor ur using is low-hanging and strong. i use fake plants that i tested weight on as well as a low-hanging climbing stick.
here are my children, and a bonus look at cyclops, who is a cyclopian conjoined stalk snail!! he made quite the rounds on the snail reddit! they are all garden snails.
Aubrey: How should we decide what to do? Flip a coin?
Indrid: Coins create alternate timelines.
Aubrey: Rock, paper, scissors?
Indrid: Thatās a nine-sided coin.

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SILENT NIGHT
you are a mouse.
and right now, youāre scuttling around the forest floor going about your mousey business. you have many adorable mouse children to feed, after all.
distantly, you hear a faint shriek like the sound of failing anti-lock breaks.
you pause for a moment, then resume your foraging. it was probably nothing! you are a mouse and lack creative prediction abilities.Ā you are just thinking that maybe later youāll engage in some traditional mouse activities and pee in a sleeping bag or two, whenĀ
BAM
suddenly, you are now a mousey corpse being borne skyward at upwards of thirty miles per hour. you would probably marvel at this, if you werenāt just a mouse and now also dead. your sad little corpse will be swallowed whole and your children will be eaten by, I dunno, frogs or something. nature is a real bitch sometimes.
congrats, youāve just made the brutal acquaintance of the Grim Reaper of the rodent world:
HOLY NIGHT, YIKES.
but enough dramatic bullshit! you arenāt a mouse anymore, youāre a person reading a very informative and interesting article about Barn Owls which was written by a very handsome and modest genius. ahem. anyway. compared to some of the birds Iāve featured in Weird Biology before, Barn Owls may seem pretty normal! at least on the surface. (spoiler alert: Barn Owls Are Not Normal. at all.)
Barn Owls are mediumish owls that look kind of like a toasty loaf of bread, if that loaf had a pair of pitch-black nightmare eyeballs revealing a door into eternal darkness. (IF YOU LOOK INTO A BARN OWLāS EYES, THE ABYSS DOES INDEED GAZE BACK.) they reach a little over a foot long, with a three-foot wingspan. and like all owls, Barn Owls are stupidly light, tipping the scales at a whole pound and a half at the absolute most. this might not seem that big, but if that pound and a half is strafing towards you at 60+ mph talons first, it puts a whole new perspective on the situation.
so where do Barn Owls live, anyway? well. a better question to ask would be,Ā āwhere do Barn Owls NOT live, Jesus Christ.ā
Antarctica. the answer is Antarctica.
Barn Owls are what we call aĀ ācosmopolitan speciesā, meaning they live fucking everywhere. they can be found in farmlands, woodlands, and grasslands across EVERY MAJOR CONTINENT and MOST LARGE ISLANDS worldwide! (except Antarctica, for obvious reasons.) this, if you couldnāt tell, is completely fucking ridiculous. especially for a species of owl, which tend to be mediocre fliers and grouchy homebodies.
in fact, Barn Owls have the widest distribution of any non-seabird avian in the entire world! these stubby birds of prey may look like toasted mashmallows, but theyāre tenacious fliers and extremely adaptable predators who can be active day or night and will eat anything up to and including a slice of cheese pizza. these fluffy bastards even turn up regularly in New Zealand, and god only knows how they even got over there. (thereās now a stable breeding population there, to the regret of the rats.)
maybe they just called an Uber.
but aside from their adaptable tenacity, Barn Owls are pretty standard as owls go. by which I mean theyāre a shambling heap of bizarro traits barely even recognizable as a bird! where should we start?Ā
EYEBALLS. letās start with eyeballs.
like all owls, Barn Owls have eyeballs that are modified for UNIMAGINABLE low-light vision. they donāt see color very well, but thatās a hell of a trade of for having basically a set of night-vision goggles for eyeballs! and to cap it all off, these lucky bastards see just fine in daylight, too.
but this amazing vision comes with a price.
itās a really weird price, too. not like the standardĀ āfirst-born childā bullshit or anything.
having excellent night and day vision is fairly rare in nature, and Barn Owls had to pull some biological strings to get it- their eyeballs are more of a modified tube than the traditional Orb.Ā yes, thatās insane. and also yes, this means the Barn Owl canāt actually move its eyes to look around like you and I can. so what do they do instead?Ā
why, theyāve developed loose tendons and ligaments in their neck that allow them nearly 270 degrees of rotation, thatās what they did! a perfectly logical and sane response that give NO ONE the screaming meemies OR the heebie jeebies! for sure!
ā¦yeah okay, thatās actually pretty adorable.
but these two biological hat tricks pale in comparison to the Barn Owlsā true source of strength, the reason for their hunting prowess! which is⦠the ability to hear real good. REAL GOOD. Barn Owls have hearing keen enough to pick up a mouse fart in a windstorm, but they can also peg the GPS location of that poor embarrassed mouse down to within a couple inches! impressive, right? this is because their ears are sideways.
kind of, anyway. Barn Owl ears are two holes under the feathers at the edge of their attractive facial disc, and one of them is a few centimeters higher than the other. like maybe god stuck a pencil into one of them and just yanked it off kilter, or something. but thereās a method to this madness- having off-centered ears gives the Barn Owl a true reckoning of where a sound is happening in 3d space by tracking which ear receives a sound first. theyāre basically a biological sonar receiver.
but Iāve saved the last for least! letās get into the ability that really puts the cherry on this creeptacular Barn Owl cake.Ā
all is calm! all is bright!
Barn Owls are utterly and completely silent fliers. (when they arenāt making noises like a demon caught in a paper shredder, anyway.) one could flap three inches in front of your face in a dark room and you would never know. this is because every feather on their wings and body is edged in soft fringes that absorb sound, basically turning Barn Owls into flying private screenings of The Quiet Place.
and this absolute silence gives them a MASSIVE edge in hunting! Barn Owls hunt by flying just above the ground at absolutely insane speeds and just kind of picking up whatever smaller creature tickles their dinnertime fancies. usually this dinner is small rodents and rabbits, but Barn Owls can and will eat anything they can get the drop on up to and including SLEEPING HAWKS. smaller owl dinners like mice get swallowed whole (aaaaaaa), and their bones and fur are regurgitated later (AAAAAAAAA).
a normal bird!
so with everything they have going for them, how are Barn Owls doing on the global stage in these difficult times? pretty fucking great, actually! Barn Owls are decreasing in some areas but increasing rapidly in others, and overall theyāre ranked as Least Concern. this is likely because Barn Owls really donāt have a problem coexisting with humans!
Barn Owls love to hang out in human structures (like barns! wild, right? WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED.) and eat a lot of species that humans consider to be pests, like rats and mice. itās a win-win for both owls and humans, and it definitely helps that Barn Owls are routinely misidentified as cryptids (*coughcoughmothmancough*) or the tortured souls of the damned! (itās because they scream at night and kind of look like the accursed shades of the dead, doomed to forever walk the earth in torment.) hereās hoping that this silent avian predator sticks around for a long, long time to come.
SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE.
ā
thanks for reading! you can find the rest of the Weird Biology series on my tumblr here, or check out the official archive at weirdbiology.com!
if you enjoy my work, maybe buy me a coffee and support Weird Biology!
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ā
IMAGE SOURCES
img1- Birds in Backyards img2- All About Birds img3- Birders Store img4- Mother Nature Network img5- Lisa L. Kee img6- Norfolk Wildlife Trust img7- Roy Rimmer img8- Steven Boyce
just to illustrate, I absolutely was NOT kidding about the demon-caught-in-a-paper-shredder thing:
awful! awful! awful!
the funniest thing in the entire pirates of the caribbean series is definitely that one scene in At Worldās End where they have parlay but davy jones is part of it, and rather than have him stand in the shallows or something they get a big bucket of water and have in stand on it on shore
who thought of that idea? who thought āput davy jones in a bucket of waterā and had the guts to suggest it aloud? and then who wentĀ āhey that sounds like a great idea!ā
at some point someone told davy jones their idea was for him to stand in a bucket of water and he agreed to it
*stands majestically in a bucket*
ok but notice the trail of buckets behind him meaning he walked from the ocean through three other buckets of water before he got into the one hes standing in
Itās even funnier when you consider how he must have figured all this out in the first place.
Some folks are asking āwell, if he can avoid the no-dry-land curse simply by standing in a bucket, doesnāt that ruin his whole motivation?ā, but heās not on dry land here.
The parley takes place on a sandbar - which, for the unfamiliar, is a temporaryĀ āislandā of sand deposited by breaking waves, unconnected with the shore, that spends most of its time submerged, being exposed only at low tide.
What Jones is doing here is rules-lawyering his curse. Can you imagine the trial and error he must have gone through in order to determine that this would actually work?
āOkay, do islands count as dry land? How about parts of the shore below the high tide mark? Reefs? Shoals? What if I stand in a pool of water on a shoal? Does it have to be seawater, or will any water do? Does it have to be a natural tidepool, or can it be something artificial, like a bucket?ā
What I am saying is that there must have been a process.
Pretty sure that this implies that the reverse - a bucket of sand, floating on the water (big bucket with just a bit of sand), would qualify as dry land. Thatās absurd, so Iām pretty sure that his lawyer pulled a fast one over the curse governor.
It may be absurd, but the text of the film bears it out. Davy Jones can sense the presence of his heart while itās at sea, but not while itās on land (indeed, thatās why he buried it on land in the first place: to break his connection with it) - yet placing the heart in a simple jar of dirt conceals it from Jonesā awareness just as surely as burial on land does, even if the jar is on a boat at the time. Suitably prepared vessels filled with dirt absolutely count as dry land for the purpose of Jonesā curse.
Then the reverse should also be true. If he buried it in a jar of water, no matter how far inland it is, he would be able to sense it. So by this logic, any container of seawater counts as not dry land, ergo, the bucket is a perfectly viable loophole.
Not necessarily. Itās traditionally a lot easier to accidentally get whammied by a curse than it is to weasel around it - I figure thatās why heās using multiple layers of indirection here. Heās forbidden to set foot on dry land, but itās technically not dry land (itās a sandbar, a non-permanent landform exposed only at low tide) and he technically didnāt set foot on it (heās standing in a bucket of water). Itās entirely possible that either one of those things alone wouldnāt make the grade.
okay but this all raises one further, very important question: if itās specifically ādry landā heās forbidden from, what about wetlands. can Davy Jones fight you in salt marshes? can he throw down in a peat bog?Swamp Battle?
This is the quality content I come to Tumblr for.
could he step on land if his shoes are wet?
No matter how ridiculous PotC gets I will love it. Especially when it results in conversations like this
What if he crawls around on his hands and knees, with his feet raised slightly into the air? Can he walk on his hands? Can he ride around in a litter or a wheelchair?
can he be in a wheelbarrow?
What if he flies over dry land? Like in a hot air balloon, or in the claws of a giant bird?
What if heās carried by two swallows using a strand of creeper?
European swallows or African swallows?
this whole thread reads like a conversation between these two:
In fact im not entirely sure that it wasnāt their idea in the first place
Handulum+ is a simple, stylish and super tough little browser based precision swinging platformer.
Read More & Play The Full Game, Free (Browser)
Can we please see the Christmas Squid
sure.
OH, CHRISTMAS SQUID, OH CHRISTMAS SQUID! HOW BOUNTIFUL THY TENTACLES!
(he was made by my friend Teta and you can find her makerās page here. also anytime you mention Christmas Squid you have to sing the song, itās a House Rule)
This is the Best holiday decoration ever.
Best Christmas thing ever. I donāt decorate for Christmas, but if I did, Iād decorate with a festive cephalopod.
tis the season!
@copperbadge
DECK THE CEPHALOPODS JOLLY
FA LA LA LA LAā¦..
IMPORTANT UPDATE: Christmas Squid is living at @thypandatetor ās house doing fine and guarding the presents
MERRY SQUIDMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.
when i was a little kid, i didnāt care for movies. my parents always admonished me for sitting too close to the screen or fidgeting too much, so i turned to books instead. when i was four, i tried to watch the first harry potter movie. i absolutely loved it, but it wasnāt enough for me. i had to get my hands on that book. the teachers at pre-school said it was a horrible idea, but i read the first two books anyway.
then came kindergarten. the teachers scolded my parents for letting me bring novels to school. āshe canāt possibly understand them,ā they said. so they gave me tests on the books. i made perfect scores on all of them. i preferred books to movies and television; movies didnāt do justice to the stories i loved.
so, they marked me down as a āgifted child.ā they tested my IQ and everything. i was the perfect student, in their eyes. i sat in the front and listened to the teachers as intently as i could.
one day after school, i ran up to my mother and hugged her. then, i turned my head and saw my mother walking towards me. i looked up at the woman i had hugged. āyouāre not my mother,ā i said, astutely.
my mother, a clever woman, thought to have my eyesight tested. turns out, i had horrible vision. somewhere around 20/450. functionally blind without glasses. not ideal for anyone, especially a six year old.
all my life until that point, people thought i must be some sort of brilliant prodigy, eschewing television and movies for more intellectual pursuits, but actually i just couldnāt fucking see lol
This took a different direction than I was expecting.

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god im just thinking about how much going to public school in the MCU wouldāve made me hate captain america. every time i got caught giving some bitch the finger or writing on bathroom walls or ditching class or stealing books from the library cause i got a fine or what have you, and then they gave me lunch detention or ISS and i sat in that dumbass eraser-smelling room and im in My Chair (the chair i always sit in and yell at anyone else who tries to take it), fuming, arms crossed, full of teen angst and hating everyone around me, and AGAIN had to watch this stupid fucking video ive already seen so many times that i know it by heart and every word grates on my eardrums and iād just see this fuckin familiar face
and i would be ready to LOSE MY SHIT
Villain Origin Story
godĀ imagine Steve giving Peter his Captain America is Disappointed in You face/lecture over something dumb and Peter just fucking dissociating and zoning back in toĀ āPeter! Are you even listening to me???ā and looking him in the eye and being likeĀ āIām completely immune at this point. You canāt even touch me.ā and walking the fuck away
canon.
the real reason why Peter agreed to fight cap at the airport